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Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments Hardcover – January 18, 2000


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Doubleday; 1 edition (January 18, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0385496206
  • ISBN-13: 978-0385496209
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.8 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,804,903 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In Kosher Sex, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach teaches the place of sex in marriage. But if you haven't yet stood under the chupah (or at the altar--Boteach's books are for everyone, not just Jews), the good rabbi has some advice for you in Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments. By using the 10 Commandments and the laws of the Old Testament as a guide to romance, Boteach advises how to find a soul mate (a person who completes you) as opposed to a partner (who is merely a companion). All of his sensible advice is inferred from the basic tenets of Judaism in a manner that will have you nodding your head in agreement (he extrapolates from the Fifth Commandment, "Honor your Father and your Mother," the ideals of gratitude in dating). Yes, some of his advice is commonsense, even at times downright silly ("try singing together on a date," he suggests), but many of his ideas are not only logical, they are presented in such a droll manner that you'll keep reading just to enjoy his whimsical style. Using his own marriage and the failed dates of others as fodder, he explores the proper way to treat a date, with suggestions on what to talk about and how to behave. At times, the language does not sound as if it is coming from a man of the cloth--he jokingly confesses to having memorized all of Portnoy's Complaint, and he refers with ease to Viagra, Tweety Bird boxer shorts, and rubber dolls. But when you dig beneath the lighthearted tone, the advice is sound: listen to your date; care for him or her as you would the Sabbath, a sacred day to be honored and guarded; be generous with your compliments and slow to anger. While you may not agree with all he has to say, Boteach is never preachy (even when stating his views about abstinence until marriage, he is firm without being close-minded). Dating Secrets is a fun yet constructive guide, and just might help you on the way to finding your soul mate. --Jenny Brown

From Publishers Weekly

The author of Kosher Sex now offers a guide to dating. Boteach argues that the Ten Commandments are God's blueprints for his love affair with Israel, and there's no reason that readers shouldn't apply those precepts to their own love affairs. Hidden within the commandments are principles that should govern romantic relationships. The first commandment (I am the Lord your God, who led you out of Egypt to be your God) teaches primacy--suitors should make sure their dates know they are a priority. The fourth commandment (remember the Sabbath) teaches readers to make dates special occasions. From the fifth commandment (honor thy father and mother), we learn to bring dates home to our folks for brunch or dinner and not to be afraid to "parent" our dates. Many of Boteach's observations are banal and oversimplified, and he assumes a world full of cookie-cutter men and women, the former commitment-phobic and the latter terrified. (See, for example, his suggestion that men single-mindedly try to get women into bed, and women naively assume that sex "is a sure sign of love.") The ten commandments are an innovative scrim before this otherwise predictable relationship manual. (Jan.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Customer Reviews

It's entertaining, interesting, and enjoyable!
Jasmine T.
For those who are believers, this book really helps to focus on the analogy between our relationship with God, and our relationship with our soulmate.
V. Brown
As men we do things out of ignorance and this book can help us to learn how to be better men of G-d and fathers.
Amari

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful By V. Brown on September 9, 2001
Format: Hardcover
This book is one of the best I have read - whether secular or spiritual - on relationships and intimacy. Shmuley incorporates humor into topics that are intimate and touch the soul. For those who are believers, this book really helps to focus on the analogy between our relationship with God, and our relationship with our soulmate. The principles of primacy, exclusivity, confidence, sacred moments, grtitude, compliments, mystery, sincerity, trust and contentment are simple, but often neglected. His countering of the prevailing notion of finding a "partner" vs. a "soul-mate" is one of the most salient points in the book. As he points out, a marriage should be a union like no other, and finding someone who can be a companion spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically is a pursuit worthy of our focus, care and attention. One to keep by the bedside, and read in between dates!
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Jasmine T. on August 10, 2001
Format: Paperback
Mr. Boteach's book, The Dating Secrets of the 10 Commandments caught my eye at a bookstore. I sat for a full hour and read as much as possible...and I loved it! Not only is it well-written, with a narrative and personal touch that gives the reader a sort of relationship with the author, it's actually a helpful tool in improving your attitude on dating. Usually, I skip over the personal stories of authors in books about dating, and/or any other subject, yet I laughed aloud as I read Boteach's thoughts and viewpoints on finding a soul-mate, especially from the Jewish perspective. If you are Jewish, this book will be probably more enjoyable for you since you can really relate to what Boteach is saying about the relationship between being Jewish and having a social life. I recommend this book even if you aren't looking for a soulmate! It's entertaining, interesting, and enjoyable!
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on March 16, 2001
Format: Hardcover
I picked this book up only because of the odd juxtaposition of the two concepts in the title. It has many good tips for guiding you towards more fulfilling relationships in general, not just with your "date." It made me appreciate and see the commandments in a whole new way. I concur with the other reviewer that there is too much schtick in the book. I enjoyed the some of the humor, and it did make certain points hit home. However after a while it got repetetive and distracting. If you can ignore the irrelevant jokes, you can find some real gems of spiritual advice for guiding your life based on the big 10. I would especially recommend this book to a guy who is looking for a meaningful relationship with a woman, perhaps leading to marriage. This answers the question, "What do women want?"
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Mei-Ling on March 10, 2001
Format: Hardcover
Rabbi Boteach combines sensible dating advice with good, old fashioned morals, something clearly lacking from other dating books on the market. If you are looking for a quick-fix, then this is not the book for you. However, if you want to find your soulmate, and are looking for a beautiful, caring and loving relationship, then Boteach's book is unsurpassed. I have recommended his book to all my friends who have not as yet found that special one. A must read.
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33 of 45 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on January 23, 2000
Format: Hardcover
Rabbi Boteach is both wise and funny That combination makes each of his books truly special -- and is why I stop everything to read them when they come out. For those who want to be enlightened and entertained, this is the book to read.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Katherine Alexandra, the Christian on March 19, 2007
Format: Paperback
The Ten Commandments form the bedrock of western civilization in the legal system, moral codes, character development, and other rockbeds of society even in the most secular and atheist. Dating has become an industry and so many people become tired with it after endless parties and dinners that leave them still lacking connection. This is a book about respect for others and self and a much needed guidance in a world where people are commodities rather than souls. Beloved wisdom from the ages and the Old Testament's Prophet: Moses.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By G. Franke on April 5, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Not a dating book like most - and I have read them all. Doesn't focus on rules or outward change. Not like most Christian books that come off as more preachy or clean. This book offers an amazingly fresh take on dating. For me, this book has taken the pressure and mystery out of dating. It is simple. It is about relationships. And I am finding myself relaxing more and being a better person because of the wisdom found in this book. Granted...you might have to be in a certain place before being able to receive this. I would not have liked this book back when I was eyeball deep into "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken" or "The Rules".

As a Christian, I am loving the Jewish perspective (the more accurate perspective) on the Ten Commandments. I have never been able to reconcile the Old Testament with the New and now I am gaining religious instruction in ways that have not received in my own churches. Boteach is right....the world has become so polarizing...right/wrong...sin/salvation....heaven/hell. But it is not all or nothing...it is just life. And through his words I have come to better understand MY Bible....the Old and New. I love it!

There is one HUGE downside to Rabbi Boteach's book. I am pretty sure he thinks he is Woody Allen....and I am pretty sure he thinks Woody Allen is funny. G-d bless his wife for putting up with that 24/7. lol
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More About the Author

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is one of the world's leading relationship experts and spiritual authorities. His twenty-one books have been bestsellers in seventeen languages, and his award winning syndicated column is read by a global audience of millions. He is the host of TLC's award-winning Shalom in the Home and was Oprah Winfrey's love, marriage, and parenting expert on Oprah and Friends. He served for eleven years as rabbi at Oxford University, where he built the Oxford L'Chaim Society into the University's second largest student organization. Today, Newsweek calls him the most famous rabbi in America. The winner of the highly prestigious London Times Preacher of the Year award, Rabbi Shmuley is also the recipient of the National Fatherhood Award and the American Jewish Press Association's Highest Award for Excellence in Commentary. He lives in New Jersey with his wife, Debbie, and their nine children.

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