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Dating The Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You Paperback – March 1, 2007

36 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dr. Christie Hartman is a dating expert, scientist, and author of four dating books.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Adams Media; 1st edition (March 1, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1598691414
  • ISBN-13: 978-1598691412
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #801,027 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Christie Hartman is an internationally recognized dating expert, behavioral scientist, and author of five dating advice books. A recovering academic and closeted nerd, Christie has refocused her overactive, analytical mind on unraveling the scientific and psychological mysteries behind dating and attraction. Catering to both men and women, she deconstructs all that is baffling about dating and makes it easily digestible to singles.

Christie is the author of "Changing Your Game: A Man's Guide to Success with Women"; standing out among a sea of pickup guides and seduction tomes, "Changing Your Game" offers intelligent and straightforward advice to men and shows them what it takes to succeed with women while still being themselves. To follow up Changing Your Game's success, Christie recently released "Back In The Game: Succeeding With Women After a Divorce," a dating guide for men who want to shake off their divorces and find love again.

Christie also has three books for women: "Find The Love of Your Life Online" is a must-have guide for every woman navigating the dense jungles of online dating. She also wrote the groundbreaking "Dating the Divorced Man: Sort through the Baggage to Decide if He's Right for You" and "It's Not Him, It's YOU: The Truth You May Not Want - But Need - To Hear," both of which are available in multiple languages.

Christie has appeared on the Today Show, Fox News Live, and on several local TV shows such as News2 Denver, the Everyday show, and Daybreak. She's a frequent guest expert on the radio, has published articles for The Good Men Project, JDate, eHarmony, YourTango, and Denver Magazine, and has been quoted in articles for CNN, U.S. News,, Chicago Tribune, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Men's FItness, Women's Health, Jezebel, Yahoo, and Marie Claire.

A graduate of the University of Colorado (CU), Christie earned her MA in Clinical Psychology, her PhD in Behavioral Genetics, and worked as a scientist at CU for 11 years. Living in Denver with her husband, Christie enjoys hiking and camping, and has a particular fondness for science fiction and natural health.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

55 of 56 people found the following review helpful By M C on September 29, 2008
Format: Paperback
I've read this book twice and I wanted to write a review because I found reading other women's experiences with a book and applying their personal situations to it very helpful. This book is not as breezy and whimsical as other self-help books on dating a "divorced/divorcing" man with kids, but it is very thorough, sympathetic and right on about a lot of things that we women go through (in my case, dating a "divorcing" man, which is the riskiest of them all!) Before I read the book, I was mostly confused, insecure, and frustrated about always coming second to his kids and his divorce; always waiting for the phone to ring and not sure whether I could have a weekend getaway or a holiday with my man. I wanted more - but felt I couldn't demand more because I didn't want to add more pressure in his life. And when I just didn't care and went on with my life (work, friends, hobbies and travels) I felt guilty! I felt I was abandoning him, during the time when he needed me the most. Wrong! Rather than feeling bad all the time, the book taught me how to be true to myself and put "me" first. To put enough distance to see where his divorce ends up (not get involved with all the messy details...) and to not push things too soon. Compared to other self help books on the subject, the author never wants you to become second best; to be disrespected at any time or to be taken for should be treated an equal, especially once the relationship takes a serious turn. Kids need parenting and time and effort, totally understandable. But you shouldn't compromise your own needs for them. In a nutshell, the author gives women more value than what they feel they deserve. I will never forget her input/output notion: if the input far outweighs the output then maybe the relationship is not worth it.Read more ›
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20 of 21 people found the following review helpful By Sparky Malone on April 4, 2012
Format: Paperback
Some good info, but the fear of the ex-wife seems overblown, and the attitude toward the children seems kind of offhand and callous. I wish I'd talked to my ex-husband's first wife, and taken the time to get to know her, before I married. Unfortunately, almost nothing he told me about her or the reasons for their divorce was true. Quite a bit of what he told me about himself wasn't true, either. Had I checked it all out, I'd have saved myself some bad years. If there's a next time, I'll make a point of befriending the ex, and getting the other side of the story.

About children:

I'd say this book is written by someone who hasn't got children and doesn't understand their needs or what it means to be a parent. I think the rule's very simple here. If you don't want to be in an auntie or secondary, low-on-the-totem mother role, don't date a divorced dad. If you're going to do right by the kids, you really have to like them and care for them, and that will often mean putting yourself second or third.

They will hurt your feelings with their comparison to their mom. (Don't worry, they're busy stabbing her by talking about you, too, and the time and money their dad's spending on you. It leaves her with more work to do, more time to spend assuring the kids that they're loved and important, and money to make up for college funds, camp and sports fees, activities, et cetera -- anything he'd been helping with that's not provided for in their decree. Even if she handles all this with grace, it's going to be hard on her, and the kids' reminders, as they talk about you, won't be easy.) They will be demanding, loud, messy, intrusive. They may not like what you cook, no matter how many hours you've put into it.
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17 of 18 people found the following review helpful By Maureen Upton on October 18, 2007
Format: Paperback
Dr. Christie Hartman's "Dating the Divorced Man" gives single women a no-nonsense manual for getting to know this key demographic in the dating world. With specific examples, she clearly defines the different states of separated/divorcing/divorced men and the challenges that they can present. That said, she also leaves room for mature women to make their own choices based on what each individual is comfortable with, which is much more helpful than a black-and-white instruction book in this murky area. I recommend her book to any single woman -- if you wait until you're already dating a divorced man to read it, you may have made key mistakes already!
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22 of 26 people found the following review helpful By C. Panter on June 15, 2010
Format: Paperback
For me, for a book titled, "Dating The Divorced Man," this book focused WAY too much on dating a man who is separated or going through a divorce. I expected and needed more info on dating a man who just got out of a divorce. Good thing I didn't pay the full, "new" price.

By the way, my subject man started dating too soon after his divorce and the result was exactly what his counselor told him would happen if he didn't wait at least six months - or ideally, a year. He DID ruin the relationship and he DID end up hurting me tremendously. Things were fine for months, then it was suddenly as if he woke up and discovered he was half of a couple and wasn't prepared for that and didn't want it, leaving me in the dust of "I'd like to just be friends. I want to date around," after he'd told me he loved me. Thanks a lot; I could've done without that.

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