Customer Reviews


35 Reviews
5 star:
 (21)
4 star:
 (7)
3 star:
 (5)
2 star:
 (2)
1 star:    (0)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
Share your thoughts with other customers
Create your own review
 
 

The most helpful favorable review
The most helpful critical review


51 of 52 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Single in LA
I've read this book twice and I wanted to write a review because I found reading other women's experiences with a book and applying their personal situations to it very helpful. This book is not as breezy and whimsical as other self-help books on dating a "divorced/divorcing" man with kids, but it is very thorough, sympathetic and right on about a lot of things that we...
Published on September 29, 2008 by M C

versus
16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars the ex can be your friend
Some good info, but the fear of the ex-wife seems overblown, and the attitude toward the children seems kind of offhand and callous. I wish I'd talked to my ex-husband's first wife, and taken the time to get to know her, before I married. Unfortunately, almost nothing he told me about her or the reasons for their divorce was true. Quite a bit of what he told me about...
Published on April 4, 2012 by Sparky Malone


‹ Previous | 1 2 3 4 | Next ›
Most Helpful First | Newest First

51 of 52 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Single in LA, September 29, 2008
By 
I've read this book twice and I wanted to write a review because I found reading other women's experiences with a book and applying their personal situations to it very helpful. This book is not as breezy and whimsical as other self-help books on dating a "divorced/divorcing" man with kids, but it is very thorough, sympathetic and right on about a lot of things that we women go through (in my case, dating a "divorcing" man, which is the riskiest of them all!) Before I read the book, I was mostly confused, insecure, and frustrated about always coming second to his kids and his divorce; always waiting for the phone to ring and not sure whether I could have a weekend getaway or a holiday with my man. I wanted more - but felt I couldn't demand more because I didn't want to add more pressure in his life. And when I just didn't care and went on with my life (work, friends, hobbies and travels) I felt guilty! I felt I was abandoning him, during the time when he needed me the most. Wrong! Rather than feeling bad all the time, the book taught me how to be true to myself and put "me" first. To put enough distance to see where his divorce ends up (not get involved with all the messy details...) and to not push things too soon. Compared to other self help books on the subject, the author never wants you to become second best; to be disrespected at any time or to be taken for granted...you should be treated an equal, especially once the relationship takes a serious turn. Kids need parenting and time and effort, totally understandable. But you shouldn't compromise your own needs for them. In a nutshell, the author gives women more value than what they feel they deserve. I will never forget her input/output notion: if the input far outweighs the output then maybe the relationship is not worth it. And if you will go through all the challenges and struggles of dating a divorced/divorcing man...he should be "fabulous" and totally worth it. This was great and helped me muddle through all the confusion.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


17 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Dr. Hartman tells us exactly what we need to know about this key demographic!, October 18, 2007
This review is from: Dating The Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You (Paperback)
Dr. Christie Hartman's "Dating the Divorced Man" gives single women a no-nonsense manual for getting to know this key demographic in the dating world. With specific examples, she clearly defines the different states of separated/divorcing/divorced men and the challenges that they can present. That said, she also leaves room for mature women to make their own choices based on what each individual is comfortable with, which is much more helpful than a black-and-white instruction book in this murky area. I recommend her book to any single woman -- if you wait until you're already dating a divorced man to read it, you may have made key mistakes already!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars the ex can be your friend, April 4, 2012
This review is from: Dating The Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You (Paperback)
Some good info, but the fear of the ex-wife seems overblown, and the attitude toward the children seems kind of offhand and callous. I wish I'd talked to my ex-husband's first wife, and taken the time to get to know her, before I married. Unfortunately, almost nothing he told me about her or the reasons for their divorce was true. Quite a bit of what he told me about himself wasn't true, either. Had I checked it all out, I'd have saved myself some bad years. If there's a next time, I'll make a point of befriending the ex, and getting the other side of the story.

About children:

I'd say this book is written by someone who hasn't got children and doesn't understand their needs or what it means to be a parent. I think the rule's very simple here. If you don't want to be in an auntie or secondary, low-on-the-totem mother role, don't date a divorced dad. If you're going to do right by the kids, you really have to like them and care for them, and that will often mean putting yourself second or third.

They will hurt your feelings with their comparison to their mom. (Don't worry, they're busy stabbing her by talking about you, too, and the time and money their dad's spending on you. It leaves her with more work to do, more time to spend assuring the kids that they're loved and important, and money to make up for college funds, camp and sports fees, activities, et cetera -- anything he'd been helping with that's not provided for in their decree. Even if she handles all this with grace, it's going to be hard on her, and the kids' reminders, as they talk about you, won't be easy.) They will be demanding, loud, messy, intrusive. They may not like what you cook, no matter how many hours you've put into it. And -- face facts -- you've taken some of their father's attention away from them. Some kids will accept that, and some won't, and the ones who won't may have good reason, particularly if you've still got a "girlfriend" relationship with him, rather than a "supportive parenting/family" relationship with him, something that shines love on the children (and that'd be love *for* the children, not just some reflection of your two-person happiness). Bottom line is that after a year or so of this you may really, really get to dislike the kids -- and guess what, they'll know it. It's bad for children to be disliked by adults in their lives, especially ones they can't get away from, and the experience can damage them for the rest of their lives.

This book talks about not accepting rudeness, etc., and to some extent I agree. But they are children, they have needs, and if they are disrespectful to you, there may be a good reason. It may have nothing to do with their mother, and lots to do with changes in their father since he started seeing you. Remember that children have very little power, and that the only power they may have, in a situation that's bad for them, is acting out. Trying to power past that and "make the kids deal with it" or decide that "they'll get used to it" will backfire hard. The dad may resist acknowledging that, because he doesn't want to lose you. But the result will be bitterness, damage, driving the kids away from their dad & towards their mom (who won't have a great attitude towards you if you're not sensitive to the kids), and leaving the girls with daddy issues that'll hurt them later in life. If you really love the guy, help him to see that, and work to see that those kids get what they need. It'll mean...doing mothering work, and not getting credit for it, maybe, for years. You may even come to find that you're a better parent to the kids than their dad is -- and that may color your view of him. Many a child is raised in tandem by mother and stepmother, with the dad essentially AWOL.

If you're not ready for all that...then really, leave the man alone. Find one who hasn't got young children. Because otherwise you're risking damaging children in pursuit of your own happiness...and odds are you won't come out so happy, either.

Finally, visit stepmom boards. Get a good look down the road. When things go well, it's not easy, but it's rewarding. When things go badly...they go very, very badly. Ask yourself if he's reeeeeeally worth all that.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


22 of 26 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not what I expected, based on the title, June 15, 2010
By 
This review is from: Dating The Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You (Paperback)
For me, for a book titled, "Dating The Divorced Man," this book focused WAY too much on dating a man who is separated or going through a divorce. I expected and needed more info on dating a man who just got out of a divorce. Good thing I didn't pay the full, "new" price.

By the way, my subject man started dating too soon after his divorce and the result was exactly what his counselor told him would happen if he didn't wait at least six months - or ideally, a year. He DID ruin the relationship and he DID end up hurting me tremendously. Things were fine for months, then it was suddenly as if he woke up and discovered he was half of a couple and wasn't prepared for that and didn't want it, leaving me in the dust of "I'd like to just be friends. I want to date around," after he'd told me he loved me. Thanks a lot; I could've done without that.

DON'T DATED MEN WHO ARE SEPARATED, GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE OR HAVE GOTTEN A DIVORCE IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars You'll Have the "Ah-Ha" Moment While Reading This, April 24, 2010
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This book explains everything that you need to know about dating a divorced/divorcing man. I read it during the first month of my relationship with a divorced man with kids and could pinpoint behaviors, both good and bad, that my guy was exhibiting. In my case, the book instructed me to RUN, not walk, away from the relationship because of things I would have ordinarily overlooked. I'm so grateful to have read this early on so that I got out without wasting anymore time hoping for a change. I highly recommend it to anybody dating a divorced man for the first time!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredibly informative and helpful!, July 13, 2007
This review is from: Dating The Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You (Paperback)
As a single, 30-something woman, I have entered the complicated dating realm of divorced men. And it can be very complicated. Reading Dr. Hartman's book, however, I feel much better equipped to date men who are in the process of getting divorced or who are divorced. Her book is highly understandable and very readable. With my dating experiences thus far, I could relate to many of the scenarios that she poses throughout the book. She mixes research with anecdotes and advice on how to maneuver through the potential difficulties of dating men who may be continuing to cope with their past marriages.

As a clinical psychologist, I also feel that this book could be very helpful for clients who may need a more structured understanding about their potential relationships with divorced/divorcing men. I definitely would recommend this book to my clients who may be struggling with these relationships.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


13 of 15 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Good read, Good questions, August 28, 2007
This review is from: Dating The Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You (Paperback)
At the time I read this book, I had already been dating a divorced man for about 5 months so I was a bit late on ready it. I came across the book because I wanted to know if there was information out there for women in my circumstance and what questions/clues should I be asking or tune into to make sure the guy was not a flake.

Surely enough, the book was very helpful. The author presents different scenarios (hypothetically of course) and questions women should keep in mind when entering into a relationship/acquiantance of a divorced man. I'll point out that the reading also applies for divorcing/separated men as well. For my circumstance, I was on track and getting the truth about the situation.

Over all, it is a good read and has lots of "food for thought".
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Priceless peace of mind, June 9, 2010
By 
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
I picked up this book about 1 year into dating a divorcing man and I was so happy I did. I went through the relationship from a perspective of true love, hope and practicality but didn't realize key implications defined in this book. The book is structured so you can jump around and read relevant parts that make sense to you (e.g. for me it was the man's grief, red flags, dealing with the ex wife, input/output). We dated for about 2 years but it started affecting my friends and eventually my family and now I'm recently single. My situation was more complicated than the scope of the book but definitely touches upon some very practical and encouraging advice that is useful. I was entangled in much of the divorce emotions and baggage and it was difficult to not be there for my boyfriend but at the end of the day, he had to face his divorce himself and not use me as a crutch. I eventually learned that you have to look out for your own well being and if the man is worth it, he will help you thrive and also get himself out of his 'temporary' mess. I'm very grateful I found this book and recommend it to anyone having doubts about their relationship with a divorcing, separated or divorced man. It will save you from tons of confusion, frustration and strengthen your confidence and piece of mind.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Spot-on!, May 21, 2008
I am surprised this book does not have many reviews. I have found it to be SPOT ON and exceptionally useful.

I recently began dating a man who represented himself as being near the end of his divorce. His behavior was frustrating and baffling to me. This book very clearly identified the problems I was experiencing and what my options were for handling them. I am much more level-headed now and have a much better grip on the situation.

Ironically, I also identified a co-worker who has leaned on me heavily over the past two years while he has struggled to keep his marriage together, while considering getting out. The book identifies him as a "Mr. Wait-and-See" and says don't waste your time with these users and cowards. Although I didn't waste my romantic energies on this man, I did let him waste a lot of time in general listening to him whine about the issues he doesn't have the guts to address.

This book is a MUST READ for anyone considering dating a man who is either separated, divorcing, divorced or still married but shopping for a girlfriend.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, February 4, 2009
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Dating The Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You (Paperback)
This book is excellent! I just wish I had read it before getting involved with a divorced man for 4 years. I think I would have decided then that being with a divorced man with two teenage girls wasn't right for me. I still feel empowered and will have some insight if I continue to date in the future.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


‹ Previous | 1 2 3 4 | Next ›
Most Helpful First | Newest First

Details

Dating The Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You
Used & New from: $0.01
Add to wishlist See buying options
Search these reviews only
Send us feedback How can we make Amazon Customer Reviews better for you? Let us know here.