Customer Reviews

Daughter of Narcissus: A Family's Struggle to Survive Their Mother's Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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I was cool to this story when I first picked it up. The author comes from a moneyed, privileged family and was writing about a disorder that, on the face of it, seems to be more an affliction of that class than anything else. Also, the author's tone was cool and detached, and I wasn't sure how much sympathy I would be able to muster for her.

Then I read more. Truly, the adage that money doesn't buy happiness is borne out in this family's story. The author describes horrifying abuse suffered by all of the children in the family at the hands of their mother and the acquiescence of her weak- but explosive- father. Worse than the physical abuse was the psychological twisting and molding the mother subjected all of the children too. (However, it seems to have only strengthened the strong bonds between the siblings.)

In 2010, probably every single person has witnessed or heard enough about parental abuse that most stories of such might invite, sadly, a sigh or shrug rather than horror. What makes this account so much worse was that the author had what she refers to as a "birth defect" that caused her to be raised as a boy when she should have been raised as a girl. Her traditional, scandal-conscious father absolutely refused to authorize the operation that would have corrected this error, and her mother used this opportunity to play father off against child, while strengthening her position with both. I was horrified that a parent would allow their child to remain in, as the author puts it, "limbo" when it was easily within their means to change it. It was only when the author's kindly and generous grandmother and aunt stepped in to help that she was able to reclaim her identity- but even then, not without the mother taking the opportunity to profit from the event.

Although the parents were wealthy and esteemed, they refused to offer monetary assistance to their daughter, even when she was in desperate need of a divorce to exit an abusive and exploitative marriage. The author had to call on her own cleverness and intelligence to extricate herself from that as well as many other close calls one might depend on a family for. Ultimately, this may have been to her benefit- parents do not live forever- but that can be cold comfort.

As for the author's detached tone, I came to pity her as I read more. It seemed to be an outcome of having to cope with a mentally ill parent- the best defense to shield herself from getting pulled into the dramas where she would always be a supporting, tragic player, and one she had to use up until her mother's death.

The book explained and illustrated narcissism and sociopathy well. While narcissism may be expressed more freely in a pampered class, it also easy to see how other people could suffer from it as well. Certainly, the underlying emptiness she describes is easy to imagine in others (although more people might express it as depression). While I wouldn't use this as an authoritative personality disorder reference, it does invite further study of the topic.

I'm not sure I have any interest in the author's works on Princess Diana, but I would be interested in reading her other titles. Well written, with the right balance of detail and introspection.

To be entirely obsessed with oneself is an addiction, and it can destroy lives just like any other. "Daughter of Narcissus" is an observation of narcissism, from the perspective of a family member. Colin Campbell shows the impact of narcissism, something that she has noticed has taken a strong occurrence of infecting the upper and middle classes of the world, leaving them forgetting what's truly important. "Daughter of Narcissus" is an intriguing exploration of a serious personal problem.

Though I knew my mother was NPD in the late 80s, so little is known that I had almost no tangible information about the disorder. Lady Colin's willingness to talk about the subject and to do so with knowledge was a great help. The reference works she cites in the bibliography gives the reader a path to take to learn more, an additional help. As for the detachment noted by another reviewer, I understand how you might feel but, believe me, it's the only way to deal with this kind of thing.