Daughters and Mothers: Making it Work [Paperback]

Julie Firman (Author), Dorothy Firman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 21, 2003

The mother/daughter relationship is one of the most intense relationships a woman will ever experience-it is strong and primary. This first and essential relationship has a powerful, though often subtle, effect on an adult woman's interactions with her mate, children, friends-and herself. Often, this crucial bond, which was initially based in love, turns into one of anger, guilt and resentment, the effects of which can permeate a woman's life; a burden from the past that is haunting, limiting and debilitating.

In this profound book, coauthors Julie Firman and her daughter Dorothy Firman, both psychotherapists who specialize in mother/daughter workshops, help readers sift through old behavior patterns, feelings and thoughts to transform their relationships and, ultimately, themselves. For every woman who experiences the pain in her relationship with her mother or daughter, there is the promise of finding the joy. The Firmans will help readers grow beyond their limitations into more integrated, freer and more fulfilled women, using stories from their own lives, case studies of other women, and practical, revealing workbook exercises.

Daughters and Mothers is an essential guide for women who want to heal their relationship and achieve greater acceptance, love and harmony. It book is for women of all ages-and one that is never too late to read.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The Firmans, a mother-and-daughter team, were two of the coauthors of Chicken Soup for the Mother & Daughter Soul. Taking a more hands-on approach, they offer this look at the often turbulent, emotionally charged relationship between moms and their daughters. Using examples from their own lives as well as case studies from their patients (they run workshops on mother-daughter relationships), the Firmans describe the most common reasons these relationships experience stress and the various strategies readers can use to lessen conflict. Some of the scenarios will be familiar: adult children still wanting to please their parents or expecting their mothers to bail them out of trouble; mothers who can't see their daughters as mature adults able to make their own decisions. The authors intersperse the anecdotes with exercises that include self-assessment tests and writing assignments to help readers identify their roles and how they can make changes. This book mostly deals with mother-daughter relationships between two adults, and the Firmans write, "If daughters manage to become `ex-children,' to think and feel like adults, separate and autonomous, they have taken a huge step. So, too, when mothers can become `mother graduates' and can experience themselves as adults beyond the mothering role, they have taken an important step in their lives." Readers looking for the soothing tone of a Chicken Soup volume will be disappointed, as this book, while upbeat, is squarely positioned as a standard self-help volume.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

Julie Firman is the mother of two daughters, Dorothy Firman and Frances Firman Salorio, her coauthors on Chicken Soup for the Mother & Daughter Soul, and one son. She and her daughters lead workshops on mother/daughter relationships at conferences around the country.

Dorothy Firman, Ed.D., is a psychotherapist, author, speaker and trainer who has worked in the field of mother/daughter relationships for more than twenty years. The Firmans reside in Massachusetts.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: HCI (August 21, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 075730124X
• ISBN-13: 978-0757301247
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #136,039 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Gentle and Fair, August 28, 2001

By 

Jacqueline S. Thompson (Boulder, Colorado USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Daughters & Mothers: Healing the Relationship (Paperback)

I have had this book since it was published, about 1990. On my initial reading I thought it heavily favored the daughter's point of view. Since rereading it recently I found it ofers a fairness I hadn't seen before, and some profound insights into the value the book offers. Examples: "The best advice you can give yourself is yours." "May you have the joy of following your own advice." And particularly the thought that if after reading the book we can see the way we can change, we are in a powerful position. On the contrary, if we think in terms of underling sections just to point out to the other how wrong she is, then we've lost that power. I appreciated the fact the book did not tell us to run out for a therapy session. We have the power and the potential within ourselves to change and to compromise for the sake of a wonderful daughter/mother relationship.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Offered some insight, but became a bit boring., September 15, 2008

By 

LA Cowgirl (Southern California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Daughters and Mothers: Making it Work (Paperback)

The beginning of the book started to become promising, but as I neared the end, it just became boring to me. The exercises at the end of each chapter are a bit lengthy, and moreso guided towards self-discovery. I DO believe that self-discovery can lead to a better understanding with your role in relationships, especially that with your mother/daughter, but it just didn't seem to offer as much understanding pertinent to my situation. I prefer "When you and your mother can't be friends" by Victoria Secunda.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Gentle and Fair, August 28, 2001

By 

Jacqueline S. Thompson (Boulder, Colorado USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Daughters & Mothers: Healing the Relationship (Paperback)

I have had this book since it was published, about 1990. On my initial reading I thought it heavily favored the daughter's point of view. Since rereading it recently I found it offers a fairness I hadn't seen before, and some profound insights into the value the book offers. Examples: "The best advice you can give yourself is yours." "May you have the joy of following your own advice." And particularly the thought that if after reading the book we can see the way we can change, we are in a powerful position. On the contrary, if we think in terms of underling sections just to point out to the other how wrong she is, then we've lost that power. I appreciated the fact the book did not tell us to run out for a therapy session. We have the power and the potential within ourselves to change and to compromise for the sake of a wonderful daughter/mother relationship.