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Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need [Kindle Edition]

Dave Barry
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (59 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $7.99
Kindle Price: $6.83
You Save: $1.16 (15%)
Sold by: Random House LLC


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Book Description


Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just that. You'll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including:

- Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed)
- Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet)
- Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?")
- Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry

From the Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews Review

Dave describes the dark side of tourism with such comical precision that you'll wonder why you ever bother to leave the safety of your living room. For my money, nobody has ever produced a better snapshot of the Baggage Carousel, "where passengers traditionally gather at the end of a flight to spend several relaxing hours watching the arrival of luggage from some other flight, which comes randomly spurting out of a mysterious troll-infested tunnel that is apparently connected to another airport, possibly in a different dimension."

From Publishers Weekly

A distinctly minor effort by the Miami Herald columnist and author of such previous successes as Dave Barry's Greatest Hits , this guide works too hard for comic effect. There are strained references to inedible airline food, a "Five Booger" ranking from the "Michelin Guide to How Snotty a Restaurant Is," Chicago as "The City with a Great Big Butt." There are tired gags, one involving the translation of a phrase about "the fish of your brother Raoul" and another about using the same map for downtown Vienna, London and Berlin. But the book is not completely devoid of laughs: "Akron: Meeting Yesterday's Challenges Tomorrow" is cited as a typical article from an airline magazine. There is a clever parody of a highway historical marker; and a discussion of the problem of locating a tree in Oregon that doesn't have an ecologist wrapped around it. The book, however, is hardly sidesplitting.
Copyright 1991 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

  • File Size: 967 KB
  • Print Length: 196 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0345431138
  • Publisher: Ballantine Books (July 28, 2010)
  • Sold by: Random House LLC
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B003VS0N1O
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #89,010 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This must be Barry's funniest book... April 13, 1999
By A Customer
I, like another reviewer below, was also introduced to Dave Barry through this book. It really is impossible to not laugh out loud while reading it. (Just thinking about it is making me laugh right now.) Some of the highlights of the book are Dave's summary of Walt Disney World ("do not fall out of the tram without first coming to a full and complete stop..."), his thoughts about flying and airports (" fact, when travelers aren't walking through the detectors, the security personnel use them to cook their lunch..."), and how to correctly fold a suit for packing (first, lay the suit on a flat surface, such as a tennis court...). Well, I guess I don't do justice to him. The innumerable charts and drawings only make you laugh even more. Be sure to read the Facts at a Glance for all the European countries.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The best humour book ever written September 6, 1999
I have read this book 14 times in the last 5 years and I still laugh when I read it! I collect comic stuff since I remember existing and this book beats everything. Every time I travel I take it along with me and everyone that reads just a couple of pages is imediatlly laughing out loud. Dave Barry jokes on every conceiveble aspect of traveling and "hits the spot" each and every time. More than 5 sters
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
Format:Mass Market Paperback
This is the ideal book for anyone who was been left frothing and screaming in a plane that is "experiencing technical difficulties," or someone who is being forced to view large wads of culture in a foreign city, or has been dragged to Disney World by a small child. Dave Barry unleashes his frustrated commentary on the travel world in general, in one of his most hilarious books ever. (In general, the more frustrated Dave Barry is, the funnier he is)
He goes over various details of travelling, such as proper travel planning, travel checks ("A Lot of People Never Figure Out How to Cash Them"), car rentals, luggage ("... will hold two pairs of socks PLUS your dental floss"), and bribing nuns. Then we handle foreign languages, and he gives you a few useful phrases like "Sacre moo! Ce EST mon CHAT!" ("Holy cow! This [the food] IS my cat!"). Then it's air travel, where Barry vents his spleen on airport security, airport food, small children on planes, and tips for kids on how to have fun with security personnel. Then it's time for family fun, at Disney World where cheerful employees will make sure you have fun, or else.
He also gives you tips on the fifty states of the US, useful info and plenty of trivia. (For example, the Florida state seal shows a mosquito with a machine gun, and Iowa's Official State Motto is "You Bet!") He also handles other North American countries like Canada (which has cold air masses) and Mexico (Unit of Currency: The Lambada). He also briefly forays to Europe, where he lampoons various countries in turn. (Instructions: How to use a bidet) Then it's staying in a hotel, and if that isn't awful enough, camping out.
If you have a deep-rooted hate of airport security personnel, or you hate camping, or you hate being shortchanged in Austria, then this book is for you. Keep on writing, Mr. Barry, but you may want to rethink the book tours...
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Pack This Book Next To Your Non-Wrinkled Suit May 2, 2000
Format:Mass Market Paperback
This is the only travel guide you will ever need. Dave Barry covers it all in this dynamic (Chapter 5 inside joke) book. His helpful tips are amazingly funny and the brief histories and informational maps are downright hilarious. You cannot help but laugh out loud on almost every page. Thinking about the section on how to speak a foreign language has me chuckling right now. This book will have you rolling in the aisle of your airplane, making a complete spectacle of yourself, but entertaining the other passengers. After all, as Barry points out, air travel is the real reason why birds never look truly relaxed. Neither will you once you see his diagram of how an airplane flies, but, one thing you will do is laugh uncontrollably. You can't help but enjoy this book.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Dave Barry is a comedy genius!!! May 23, 1999
By A Customer
Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need was the second book of Barry's that I've read and all I can say is, "Wow!" While reading this book, one should image the most ridiculous scenerio conceivable, then read on to find something even funnier. I especially enjoyed his take on flying and airport security. "I certainly have a lot of body hair, for a woman!" is an expression that should be used if a male wishes to avoid suspicion according to Barry. His analysis of each state's highlights and lowlights is equally as entertaining. "Maryland is a fast-growing state boasting a dynamic economy based on giving speeding tickets to people attempting to drive through." For our convinience, he has even included practical foreign language phrases that had me rolling on the ground (in the middle of school) for at least half a class period each. His step by step advice for planning, taking, and surviving a trip are ludicrously funny, yet seem to touch on everyone's own travel experiences. I have resolved to become an avid reader of Dave Barry's material. I strongly urge everyone to get their hands on some of his work. It'll bring laughter to your life even after you've put it down.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars READING THIS BOOK IS A TRIP! October 21, 2005
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Books, yes books. When I was in seventh grade they had a manditory twenty minute reading period just after lunch. In this twenty minutes I would usually draw pictures, flirt with the girl that sat behind me, or do something ridiculous and get kicked out of class.

Matt Hathaway sat next to me and i always saw him laughing uncontrollably to himself, and I could never figure out why. "What the hell are you laughing at?" I eventually asked one day.

He let me borrow THIS book, and instantly I discovered the mind of Dave Barry. Nowadays he has loads and loads of books. He has recently dabbled in fiction which I still have yet to read, although one of his books was made into a movie. My favorite has to be this one though, still.

Maybe it's just the irony that thanks to this book I was actually reading during reading class. However the book had me laughing so uncontrollably that I still got kicked out of class. Even more so than I was probably in the first place. I'd still be laughing in the principals office....

What is supposed to be a travel guide, really just ends up being a trip.


also check out




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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Very funny
Published 4 days ago by Faith Williams
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Dave Barry's writing is always funny!
Published 4 days ago by lamaj
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious
This is hilarious! Laughed out loud about the family's trip to Disneyworld. Read it on a long plane ride.
Published 7 days ago by Doc student
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny
Dave Barry is hilarious! Listened to this while taking a road trip. Kept us entertained for the whole ride. Funny!
Published 1 month ago by nmd7128
5.0 out of 5 stars Dave Barry Never Dissapoints.
The headline says it all. Dave's columns are always amazingly funny. I love to listen to them over and over.
Published 3 months ago by RoyBlaze
5.0 out of 5 stars He's not making this up. It really is the only travle guide you need.
I was once naive enough to think I was smart enough travel the world, learn a new language, or understand the complexities of the human condition. Read more
Published 4 months ago by R.J. Rowley
5.0 out of 5 stars Attention Travelers/Dave Barry Fans!
This book is absolutely hysterical. Take the following excerpt: "I realize that not everybody likes to plan every step of a vacation. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Chotiwala
5.0 out of 5 stars LOL
Dave Barry's books, this one included, always make me laugh out loud. I don't mean just smile or chuckle to myself. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Nada
3.0 out of 5 stars Where's that Syndicated Column?
Dave is funny, but I think he was wise to give up his daily syndicated column. While I found myself laughing out loud at the first of his book, it became a little tiring and I... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Gaston Hebert
5.0 out of 5 stars right on!
What is not to love about David Barry! He is able to put into writing what we all think but do not have his gift. A fun read.
Published 8 months ago by jo dunbar snow
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More About the Author

The New York Times has pronounced Dave Barry "the funniest man in America." But of course that could have been on a slow news day when there wasn't much else fit to print. True, his bestselling collections of columns are legendary, but it is his wholly original books that reveal him as an American icon. Dave Barry Slept Here was his version of American history. Dave Barry Does Japan was a contribution to international peace and understanding from which Japan has not yet fully recovered. Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys is among the best-read volumes in rehab centers and prisons. Raised in a suburb of New York, educated in a suburb of Philadelphia, he lives now in a suburb of Miami. He is not, as he often puts it so poetically, making this up.

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