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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars You'll never leave home if you read this book
It's a good thing that Dave Barry's travel guide is untranslatable into any language other than American. Otherwise we might have to go to war with all of those countries that he reported to be shaped like a large ketchup stain, or where he had to shell out 4,000 pfarthings to use the public restroom. Our author does not take such insults lightly. Nor does he expect...
Published on March 23, 2003 by E. A. Lovitt

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Dave Barry + Travel = Funny (But Familiar)
My Rating: 3 stars
Brief Summary: A goofy book about travel (both domestic and international) by popular funnyman Dave Barry. My personal favorite part was his description of the fifty states and their highlights.
Brief Thoughts: If you've ever read a Dave Barry book, I suspect you know exactly what this book is like already. This was a fun "bathroom" read, and...
Published on July 2, 2010 by Jennifer


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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars You'll never leave home if you read this book, March 23, 2003
This review is from: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (Mass Market Paperback)
It's a good thing that Dave Barry's travel guide is untranslatable into any language other than American. Otherwise we might have to go to war with all of those countries that he reported to be shaped like a large ketchup stain, or where he had to shell out 4,000 pfarthings to use the public restroom. Our author does not take such insults lightly. Nor does he expect you to. This guide is filled with such useful phrases as, "Mi (esposo, esposa) es been tramplado por toros," or "Tuo fratello Raoul dormi con los pesces."
Luckily, according to Dave, many foreign people speak our language. "Stick them up!" they'll say. "Please to be handing over your American Express traveler's checks! Don't leave home without them!"
There are lots of useful airline tips in this book, such as how to behave if your airplane is infested by demons, how to fit a lawn tractor into the overhead baggage compartment, and what do about the 475-pound man in the adjacent seat who has forearms the size of Roseanne. For those of you who are afraid of flying, the author very kindly takes time to explain how an airplane flies (I didn't know an airplane wing had ailerons AND halyards).
Dave doesn't just do Europe. He also takes on the fifty states ('Massachusetts is an Indian word meaning "place that is hard to spell"), Canada (which "boasts numerous goose-infested lakes"), and Mexico ("Unit of Currency - The Lambada"). I can't help wondering whether this book had anything to do with the current state of relations between ourselves and our closest neighbors.
Don't let your kids read this book right before a history or geography test, especially not Dave's highlighted "Facts at a Glance" boxes. Even I know that the unit of currency in Greece is not 'The Sheep." It's the 'minimum.'
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This must be Barry's funniest book..., April 13, 1999
By A Customer
I, like another reviewer below, was also introduced to Dave Barry through this book. It really is impossible to not laugh out loud while reading it. (Just thinking about it is making me laugh right now.) Some of the highlights of the book are Dave's summary of Walt Disney World ("do not fall out of the tram without first coming to a full and complete stop..."), his thoughts about flying and airports ("...in fact, when travelers aren't walking through the detectors, the security personnel use them to cook their lunch..."), and how to correctly fold a suit for packing (first, lay the suit on a flat surface, such as a tennis court...). Well, I guess I don't do justice to him. The innumerable charts and drawings only make you laugh even more. Be sure to read the Facts at a Glance for all the European countries.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The best humour book ever written, September 6, 1999
By 
miguelmaia@ip.pt (Estoril, Portugal) - See all my reviews
I have read this book 14 times in the last 5 years and I still laugh when I read it! I collect comic stuff since I remember existing and this book beats everything. Every time I travel I take it along with me and everyone that reads just a couple of pages is imediatlly laughing out loud. Dave Barry jokes on every conceiveble aspect of traveling and "hits the spot" each and every time. More than 5 sters
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Never leave home without it. Actually, never leave home., January 14, 2003
This review is from: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (Mass Market Paperback)
This is the ideal book for anyone who was been left frothing and screaming in a plane that is "experiencing technical difficulties," or someone who is being forced to view large wads of culture in a foreign city, or has been dragged to Disney World by a small child. Dave Barry unleashes his frustrated commentary on the travel world in general, in one of his most hilarious books ever. (In general, the more frustrated Dave Barry is, the funnier he is)
He goes over various details of travelling, such as proper travel planning, travel checks ("A Lot of People Never Figure Out How to Cash Them"), car rentals, luggage ("... will hold two pairs of socks PLUS your dental floss"), and bribing nuns. Then we handle foreign languages, and he gives you a few useful phrases like "Sacre moo! Ce EST mon CHAT!" ("Holy cow! This [the food] IS my cat!"). Then it's air travel, where Barry vents his spleen on airport security, airport food, small children on planes, and tips for kids on how to have fun with security personnel. Then it's time for family fun, at Disney World where cheerful employees will make sure you have fun, or else.
He also gives you tips on the fifty states of the US, useful info and plenty of trivia. (For example, the Florida state seal shows a mosquito with a machine gun, and Iowa's Official State Motto is "You Bet!") He also handles other North American countries like Canada (which has cold air masses) and Mexico (Unit of Currency: The Lambada). He also briefly forays to Europe, where he lampoons various countries in turn. (Instructions: How to use a bidet) Then it's staying in a hotel, and if that isn't awful enough, camping out.
If you have a deep-rooted hate of airport security personnel, or you hate camping, or you hate being shortchanged in Austria, then this book is for you. Keep on writing, Mr. Barry, but you may want to rethink the book tours...
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Dave Barry is a comedy genius!!!, May 23, 1999
By A Customer
Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need was the second book of Barry's that I've read and all I can say is, "Wow!" While reading this book, one should image the most ridiculous scenerio conceivable, then read on to find something even funnier. I especially enjoyed his take on flying and airport security. "I certainly have a lot of body hair, for a woman!" is an expression that should be used if a male wishes to avoid suspicion according to Barry. His analysis of each state's highlights and lowlights is equally as entertaining. "Maryland is a fast-growing state boasting a dynamic economy based on giving speeding tickets to people attempting to drive through." For our convinience, he has even included practical foreign language phrases that had me rolling on the ground (in the middle of school) for at least half a class period each. His step by step advice for planning, taking, and surviving a trip are ludicrously funny, yet seem to touch on everyone's own travel experiences. I have resolved to become an avid reader of Dave Barry's material. I strongly urge everyone to get their hands on some of his work. It'll bring laughter to your life even after you've put it down.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Pack This Book Next To Your Non-Wrinkled Suit, May 2, 2000
By 
Chad Spivak (North Miami Beach, Florida) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (Mass Market Paperback)
This is the only travel guide you will ever need. Dave Barry covers it all in this dynamic (Chapter 5 inside joke) book. His helpful tips are amazingly funny and the brief histories and informational maps are downright hilarious. You cannot help but laugh out loud on almost every page. Thinking about the section on how to speak a foreign language has me chuckling right now. This book will have you rolling in the aisle of your airplane, making a complete spectacle of yourself, but entertaining the other passengers. After all, as Barry points out, air travel is the real reason why birds never look truly relaxed. Neither will you once you see his diagram of how an airplane flies, but, one thing you will do is laugh uncontrollably. You can't help but enjoy this book.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars READING THIS BOOK IS A TRIP!, October 21, 2005
This review is from: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (Mass Market Paperback)
Books, yes books. When I was in seventh grade they had a manditory twenty minute reading period just after lunch. In this twenty minutes I would usually draw pictures, flirt with the girl that sat behind me, or do something ridiculous and get kicked out of class.

Matt Hathaway sat next to me and i always saw him laughing uncontrollably to himself, and I could never figure out why. "What the hell are you laughing at?" I eventually asked one day.

He let me borrow THIS book, and instantly I discovered the mind of Dave Barry. Nowadays he has loads and loads of books. He has recently dabbled in fiction which I still have yet to read, although one of his books was made into a movie. My favorite has to be this one though, still.

Maybe it's just the irony that thanks to this book I was actually reading during reading class. However the book had me laughing so uncontrollably that I still got kicked out of class. Even more so than I was probably in the first place. I'd still be laughing in the principals office....

What is supposed to be a travel guide, really just ends up being a trip.

GREAT TIME READING THIS ONE....

also check out

DAVE BARRY DOES JAPAN*****

BABIES AND OTHER HAZZARDS OF SEX

DAVE BARRYS BAD HABITS

just to name a few
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars hysterical, November 7, 2005
This review is from: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (Mass Market Paperback)
"Mankind has always had a yen to travel," Dave Barry writes in the introduction to his "Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need." To make the journey a more comfortable one, he offers helpful tips such as "Never go outside the hotel," and "Never board a commercial aircraft if the pilot is wearing a tank top. He also promises to say if a country is awful even if he has not technically been there. He describes the advantages to traveling inside the U.S. which is that you are never far from American advantages like Chicken McNuggets and window-cup suction Garfield dolls. But he also ventures to Europe, where he describes the joy of bribing nuns, working with a travel agent, choosing a car rental company, attempting to cross the language barrier (he includes a list of helpful foreign phrases), having fun with airport security (this was written before 9-11), traveling as a family, and hints for getting through customs. He describes all 50 states (well sort of), as well as major European countries and their main attractions. He also provides maps, which if not strictly accurate, are still amusing.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need, May 24, 2002
By 
Tim Bacon (Marlborough, CT USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (Mass Market Paperback)
Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need is a hilarious book! I started reading Dave Barry's pieces six months ago and he has never ceased to humor me; this book is no different. The book focuses on tourism in all 50 states, Canada, Mexico and several European countries. It is filled with numerous diagrams that are sure to make you laugh. Along with this is his own advice on vacationing, camping and other things. This book is very enjoyable with short sections to ease reading. The topics are so random and spurious that one could never get bored. The stories were also so down to Earth and real that I feel everyone can relate. For example Barry explains the baggage carousel we all no doubt have seen as a place, "where passengers traditionally gather at the end of a flight to spend several relaxing hours watching the arrival of luggage from some other flight, which comes randomly spurting out of a mysterious troll-infested tunnel that is apparently connected to another airport, possibly in another dimension." He takes an everyday occurence and turns it into a hilarious event. I would highly recommend this book to anyone seeking a different type of read or just some good laughs.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need, May 24, 2002
By 
Tim Bacon (Marlborough, CT USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need (Mass Market Paperback)
Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need is a hilarious book! I started reading Dave Barry's pieces six months ago and he has never ceased to humor me; this book is no different. The book focuses on tourism in all 50 states, Canada, Mexico and several European countries. It is filled with numerous diagrams that are sure to make you laugh. Along with this is his own advice on vacationing, camping and other things. This book is very enjoyable with short sections to ease reading. The topics are so random and spurious that one could never get bored. The stories were also so down to Earth and real that I feel everyone can relate. For example Barry explains the baggage carousel we all no doubt have seen as a place, "where passengers traditionally gather at the end of a flight to spend several relaxing hours watching the arrival of luggage from some other flight, which comes randomly spurting out of a mysterious troll-infested tunnel that is apparently connected to another airport, possibly in another dimension." He takes an everyday occurence and turns it into a hilarious event. I would highly recommend this book to anyone seeking a different type of read or just some good laughs.
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Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need
Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need by Dave Barry (Mass Market Paperback - March 1, 1999)
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