10 Days to a Less Defiant Child: The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your Child's Difficult Behavior [Paperback]

Ph.D. Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D. (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 19, 2006

Occasional clashes between parents and children are not uncommon, but when defiant behavior — such as tantrums, resistance to chores, and negativity — becomes chronic, it can cause big problems within the family. In 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child, child and family psychologist Dr. Jeff Bernstein has developed a ground-breaking 10-day program to help parents gain back control over their defiant child or teen. This powerful and exceptionally reader-friendly guide explains what causes defiance in kids, why it's so destructive to the family, and shows parents step-by-step how they can end the behavior. Simple-to-follow and extremely effective, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child will bring much-needed relief to the millions of frustrated parents out there living with defiant children.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Jeff Bernstein, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist specializing in child and family therapy in the Philadelphia area who has helped hundreds of defiant children and their families restore their relationships. A well known relationship expert and the author of Why Can't You Read My Mind?, Bernstein has appeared on the Today Show and Court TV, among other venues.

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Marlowe & Company; 1 edition (May 19, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1569243018
• ISBN-13: 978-1569243015
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (77 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,771 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #35 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Mood Disorders

More About the Author

I am a licensed psychologist specializing in child and family therapy in the Philadelphia area. I have worked with over a thousand defiant children and their families restore their relationships. I also have a strong practice in couples therapy. I have appeared on the Today Show, Court TV, the Comcast Cable Television network, and other Philadephia TV stations. I have also been on radio across the country. My work has also been quoted in publications such as Cosmopolitan Magazine, Ladies Home Journal, The Chicago Tribune, and Men's Health Maganzine.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

121 of 122 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Full of Empathy July 14, 2006

By Struggling Parent

Format:Paperback

This is the only book that didn't make me beat up on myself!

We have had a child who from the first year gave us a run for the money. Love is just not enough when a child challenges

just about everything you say AND do. I have read so many

books and always wound up feeling like a bad parent. This

book is so full of empathy and understanding for the parent it does what we have always needed -- someone who could really help

us help our child and make our family life less emotionally draining and more fun. I wholeheartedly recommend this book

for any and every parent who needs and wants help. Dr. Bernstein understands that a parent who beats up on themselves

can't help anyone and by helping the parent help themselves,

it seems to automatically translate to the child!

This book really helped us tease out the differences between

opposition and depression, antisocial behavior and anxiety.

This is a great compendium of information and any and every

parent will find something that will make a BIG difference in their child's life and family life!

188 of 193 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Review of 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child:The Breakthrough Program October 18, 2006

By Robert Rosenkaimer

Format:Paperback

Have you ever been frustrated with your relationship to your child? Have you ever thought that your child is just being defiant? Maybe you have tried severe punishments and scolding that don't lead to a change in future behavior as you had hoped. Most parents, like my-self experience a children's defiance from time to time, and some experience that defiance 24/7.

Bernstein's book "10 Days to a Less Defiant Child" (I will call "10 Days" from now on) gives parents and teachers new insights and tools in art of raising children. Though Bernstein does not assume the role of telling the parent what specific morals to teach, he offers some tools and some understanding of emotional intelligence that will allow parents to lead and teach rather than the typical chaos that many parents experience.

Here are some of the Key Points of 10 Days:

o Bernstein stresses the importance of learning to listen correctly. When children's feelings are not validated, that in itself many times it causes anger, resentment, and unmet expectations.

o Yelling he says, is counter productive and can easily become a downward spiral. This is for two reasons. The first is that for a calm house to exist there has to be calmness. The second stems from the parenting goal itself to teach children to control their emotions and anger. Yelling itself is a loss of emotional control, and regardless of the message, it teaches children to release their emotions in similar outbursts.

o One of answers to alleviating the dreaded power struggles is to learn to be calm and firm. The call to calm means that we are to keep our emotions in check while at the same time being firm, not negotiating or vacillating on the consequences. When your emotions are in check, your child has not gotten to you, and you are still engaged. Calm and firm is a key factor in raising any child including defiant child.

o Positive reinforcement is not only good to teach the child and encourage good behavior, but it also helps us to see the positive in our child. Positive reinforcements include: validations, praise, rewards, the feeling of importance, and the feeling of power. This advise is given with the caveat that the child must not think himself or herself equal to the parents. This is because the child who thinks of themselves as an equal to parents easily sets their own expectations which fosters unrealistic expectations and conflict. After all, they think, they should be able to make the rules just like mom and dad.

The book is broken down simply into the 10 days or 10 chapters. Here are the chapters:

Day 1 Grasping Why Your Child Acts Defiant Day 2 Understanding Your Defiance Child Day 3 Sidestepping the Yelling Trap Day 4 Avoiding Power Struggles. Day 5 Reinforcing the Positive Changes in Your Child. Day 6 Dependable Discipline Day 7 Rallying Family Support Day 8 Lessening Defiance at school Day 9 Overcoming Stubborn Obstacles Day 10 Reducing Defiance for the Long Run

Those are just some of the highlights of 10 Days. There is so much more good advice that a simple book review can not cover. If you are struggling with parenting, if you have battles with your children, or if you just want to learn how to be a better parent, I strongly recommend this book 10 Days.

146 of 150 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Deceptive Title? August 7, 2006

By Bert Krages

Format:Paperback

In my experience, it only took about two to three days to see real results. To be sure, other parents may have more difficult situations. This book is really valuable because it organizes and presents the information in a way that is easy to understand and implement. It addresses the fundamental issues regarding communication and helps a parent gain an appreciation of the child's need to assume their own individuality. The book is not about ensuring absolute obedience; in fact, such a goal is likely to result in defiant behavior. However, if what you ultimately hope to achieve is a solid and mostly harmonious relationship with your children, you should be well served by the advice in this book. You might not end up being able to force your teen-age daughter to wear pink polka-dot corduroy knickers with dark green taffeta tops (or force her not to wear them), but you probably will be able to get her to arrive at school on time and not scream at you when you ask how the homework is coming along. Furthermore, it is better to have a child who perceives you as an understanding ally in life than one who thinks you are another source of frustration or pain. By discussing how to avoid unconstructive behavior on your part, the book's guidance goes a long way to teaching skills that allow you to influence the important aspects of growing up in a positive way.