Customer Reviews

Dead Wrong: The Truth About Domestic Violence, Incest and Child Abuse

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In her book, Ms. Hayden does what few women dare to do. She tells the truth - both in prose and in poetry imbued with a raw, emotional honesty - about domestic violence and its effects on women's minds, sexuality, and families. In a culture where women's suffering and acquiescence to exclusively male sexual gratification remain the norm both inside of the bedroom and out, Dead Wrong dares to break the `feminine' silence. It is a rallying call to women who have been and are being victimized, and a must-read for anyone who seeks to know all facets of the reality of female existence in the contemporary western world.

This book is so real, so touching. It is walking through the anguish of abuse with the author.
I almost felt the pain as she told about her childhood. By the time she began to tell about her abusive husband, anger had set in. Then I was allowed to cheer when she discovered a way out and had the courage to take it.
I hope every person who has a daughter, sister, or other loved one in an abusive relationship will read this book. It will help them understand and, hopefully, stop them from asking the question, "Why didn't she just leave?"

Excerpt from the book:

I grew up with domestic violence and witnessed my mothers escape. As an adult, I lived with an abusive husband, leaving with my two children in 1996, our ninth departure. We first went to my sisters and slept on her floor. Through the assistance of a social service agency, I learned of a shelter but didn't think I would qualify because I wasn't visibly bruised like Mom, although I did feel her shame and worthlessness.

I remember my father kicking my mother in the stomach when she was six months pregnant. He gave her black eyes and broke her nose twice. He would beat my brother and me in front of each other and told us if we cried he would beat us more. Mom left Dad for the final time, taking her five children to Aunt Rene's where we joined a cousin and her children fleeing an abuser. Mom borrowed Aunt Rene's pistol, afraid of what Dad would do to us after his release from jail. When he came, Mom confronted him with the gun. He left, but I always wondered how our lives would have turned out if Mom had killed Dad that night.

At the time, my mothers only recourse was to live in the projects in Houston: her two sisters were married to abusive men and we couldn't stay with our grandparents because Grandpa had raped Mom as a child and she was afraid he would molest us, although he eventually did.

Without a diploma, Mom worked full-time at night and attended school full-time during the day. While my mother never sought any counseling, I had access to a shelter and its services: a court advocate to escort me to court, help in obtaining a protective order, an apartment with the anonymity required to prevent our abuser from stalking us as he always had, daycare for my children, and most importantly, help in locating psychiatric services to manage my depression and post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD), as well as much-needed counseling for my daughters and myself. I'd left my abuser so many times before and always returned because of money and fear.

After eight consecutive departures and returns, I felt my daughters didn't deserve such a pathetic mother. I wasn't there for them emotionally of financially. I felt like such a
failure. I was ready to end my life.

It took years to fully recognize my abuse. I didn't know that besides physical abuse, domestic violence includes emotional abuse, sexual abuse, isolation, using the children, economic abuse, male privilege, coercion and threats. The shelter helped me gain control over my life. With their help I went back to school and I am now a graphic designer. For the first time I feel more important than my abusers and that I have a real chance to make it.

My mothers journey from domestic violence ended with my journey. My daughters won't repeat the cycle of abuse. That is the most precious gift anyone has ever given me.

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am a public speaker and have addressed audiences of over 500 regarding domestic violence, incest and child abuse. I've given a multi-media presentation at The Women's Museum, Dallas City Hall including Mayor Laura Miller and spoken to law students at SMU. I've appeared on Good Morning Texas and have been interviewed by media outlets in Austin, Texas where I testified before the Texas Senate regarding domestic violence.

The book consists of several short essays followed by poetry. I designed the cover and back (excluding misguided typography) and included my artwork.

Angela Hayden
ART GODDESS
http://www.cafepress.com/angelahayden

Ms. Hayden offers an opportunity for an empathetic journey through her own trauma and in doing so, bravely displays the hope she retained and ultimately seized in her triumph over physical and sexual abuse. Readers will gain an insight into the intergenerational component of abuse only offered by such a heartfelt and nearly stream-of-consciousness account.