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Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away [Hardcover]

Dr. Bethany Marshall
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (60 customer reviews)


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Book Description

April 10, 2007
This is a book about men. Not all men, just emotionally unhealthy men. The ones who make you question, "Is it him or is it me? Am I making too big a deal out of this? I try to tell him how I feel, but he says I'm overreacting or needy or it's all my fault."

Relationships are hard work, but how hard should they be? When do you know you are struggling too hard to make a relationship succeed?

Deal Breakers is about getting out of this "relationship purgatory" -- where the present is unfulfilling and the future is the only thing you can hope for. But there is no magic future. If he won't work on problems today, it's unlikely they'll ever be resolved. And passively hoping for change will only cost you years of depression or expensive therapy.

Dr. Bethany Marshall is here to remind women that relationships -- like business relationships -- are deals. In the business world, a deal breaker is the one nonnegotiable term that, if not agreed to, means the deal is off. But in the world of relationships, identifying your deal breaker can be much more promising, as it holds out the possibility of helping you to understand where the relationship has gone wrong, what needs to be done in order to make it better, and when to walk away because you're doing more work than him to fix it.

A deal breaker is a boundary that smart people set for themselves because they know that falling in love can make them do stupid things. Through case studies, deal breaker scenarios, and suggested courses of action, Deal Breakers expertly guides frustrated women. By defining your deal breaker, you hold all the power to create the happiness you deserve.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.


Editorial Reviews

Review

"Renée Raudman is perfect for this production. She delivers...with emotional balance and an intimate sense of authority over the material." ---AudioFile
--This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

About the Author

Bethany Marshall, PhD, PsyD, MFT has been in private practice as a marriage, family, and child therapist in both Beverly Hills and Pasadena for the past eighteen years. She regularly appears as a contributing psychological commentator on Good Morning America, The Early Show, and Leeza Gibbons's nationally syndicated radio show, "Hollywood Confidential," and is a weekly commentator for Nancy Grace on CNN Headline News.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Simon Spotlight Entertainment; First Edition edition (April 10, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1416935932
  • ISBN-13: 978-1416935933
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.8 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (60 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #295,473 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

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Customer Reviews

This book was a quick read, and I think will help anyone who may be questioning their relationship. Lisa A. Romano  |  13 reviewers made a similar statement
This book was easy reading and very enjoyable. Lisa Hobert-Darga  |  13 reviewers made a similar statement
You might just find yourself saying "hey, that sounds like ME"! C. McNamara  |  9 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
79 of 85 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Read While the Pain is Fresh September 15, 2007
Format:Hardcover
I read this book over the weekend. I was hurting, I wanted help and a friend had recommended this one. Although I already knew the relationship was a deal breaker from the gate and it was already over, I wanted to learn something about the mess I'd gotten myself into, and self-help books can definitely open the eyes. Love may be blind, but our eyes are widest open after we've just broken up with someone. That's the best time to read this book. Strike while the pain is fresh.

Dr. Marshall looks at 5 deal breaker categories, and articulates in plain English the problems and trouble signs. She also presents personal stories (you'll be able to relate) and deal breaker scenarios that she breaks down into "work on it" or "walk away." If your relationship shows up in these pages, you've got yourself a deal breaker. I find great comfort and relief in recognizing my situation on the page--if it's common enough to be included in a mass market publication, then there are a lot of folks out there in the same situation as me! Misery loves company? No; I'm just relieved to know I'm neither crazy nor alone in this. She also gives first impressions, warning signs, more warning signs, even more warning... you get the picture. For self-reflection, she includes the section "Who chooses this type of man?" There's also a chapter called "Getting off the merry-go-round" and 11 signs that you're on one. The book rounds out with tips on negotiating a new deal and breaking the deal when you have to.

This book helped me and I'm glad I read it right at the end of the relationship, because I was able to quickly recall the ex's hurtful behavior. After awhile, this won't hurt anymore, but if I forget what I went through, I'll do it again with a different man. That's why I say read while the pain is fresh, highlight and underline heavily, and make or break the deal.
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78 of 87 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible Relationship Advice May 1, 2007
Format:Hardcover
Dr. Marshall delivers on her promise to help you decide whether you should work on your relationship or walk away. I saw her talking about this on Good Morning America. Once I read the book, and realized that my husband was the 'Little Boy Who Poses as a Man' (one of the five personality types that leads to a deal breaker), I stopped rescuing him, because I realized that I was feeding into his childlike behavior and he actually started taking some responsibility for himself. But I also realized that I had turned into a guilt-driven mother who felt obligated to save him from himself.

The author includes an analysis of "What kind of woman would pick this type of man". I'm guilty-because her description and analysis of me certainly applied.

Dr. Marshall writes about five personality types that cause 80% of the problems: The Scriptwriter (he casts you into a role and forms assumptions about you), The Man in Charge (he wants to control you), The Man Without Fault (he gets his feelings hurt and goes on the attack whenever you try to express your feelings), The Invisible Man (he's more connected to his computer, sports games, etc., than to you) and The Little Boy Who Poses as a Man (like a little boy - he does all the taking while you do all the giving).

I will be having a blast passing this book around to my friends while we figure out what categories our men fall into. One of my friends heard the author on Gayle King's (Oprah's friend) radio show in a longer and informative interview and bought the book for the same reason.

I strongly recommend that you read the book and discover what your man's personality type is. This book has given me a road map for change. The author states that a Deal Breaker (and the process of defining and understanding YOUR Deal Breaker) can be used "not as a weapon but as a tool for change."

The examples will ring true if you have ever seriously dated or been involved with a man. I also agree with the writer below who said that the first two reviewers may not have even read this book.

This is a thinking girl's book. And yes, as the author states, it can apply to us as well as our men. We can be Deal Breakers too!

Whether you are single and dating (my younger sister), working on a committed relationship or married (my mother wants to read it next), I highly recommend it.
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114 of 130 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What a Godsend! May 13, 2007
By Sunny
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I am 50-something yrs. old and have been in a tumultuous marriage for the past 20 yrs. I can only say that this book is one of the BEST relationship books I have ever read - and believe me, I've read them all! If you have ever wondered what was wrong in your relationship but couldn't quite put your finger on it. Or have constantly asked yourself, "Is it ME?" Then this is the book to read! I can't tell you how clearly it's written, and how enlightening it is if you happen to have a man in your life that fits into any one of the five categories outlined in this book. (Mine happens to fit three categories like they were written about HIM!). It has been extremely helpful in not only informing me of the behaviors that go with each personality type, but precisely how to recognize them, approach your mate about them, and thank God, how to DEAL with them. It's the first book I've ever read that actually lays out guidelines for all the steps you should follow to get things moving in a positive direction. Or, if you finally recognize that you have a disconnected, shutdown, or unevolved type of mate that can't or simply won't cooperate, then there's no question that it's time to walk and get on with your life! I think we've all had these crossroads in our lives, but the information in this book really helps to identify things that you really shouldn't have to live with, and gives you strength and confidence to actually do something about it instead of wasting your life in a futile state of hope. I would absolutely recommend this book to all women who have ever struggled in a relationship, even if they think these "categories" couldn't possibly be about their man. (It might really surprise and help you). Likewise, I think every mother should provide it to their daughters as soon as they start dating seriously. If I'd had this book at any point in my life before now, I'm sure I could've avoided alot of stupid mistakes and heartache.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Eye opening!
Eye opening! I wish I would have read this years ago. Here's to the future in my current relationship or without it.
Published 2 days ago by starlene moyneur
1.0 out of 5 stars Narcissistic, Insincere, and a prostitute, figuratively, for HLN
This woman is a disgrace as she stumbles to defend Travis Alexander's verified, documented, verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse of Jodi Alexander. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Inconvenient Truths
1.0 out of 5 stars Shallow
This book is shallow and trite. There are some kernels of truth here, but on the whole I found it offensively one-dimensional towards men and relationships. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Brenna Romer
5.0 out of 5 stars Short and Sweet
I'm a regular self-help book reader. This book was very helpful in making a decision as to whether I wanted to stay in a relationship. I strongly recommend it.
Published 1 month ago by muddy boots
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book to keep handy for reference
If this is your first time doing your own research into your relationship issues, this may not be the book for you, because you may not actually be ABLE recognize that you're... Read more
Published 2 months ago by ElexV
4.0 out of 5 stars Pretty Good
Waited way too long to read this book. Had I read it awhile back, I do believe I could have saved myself much heartache.
Published 3 months ago by JennL
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome Book. Highly Recommend
I highly recommend this book for any women who are torn about their relationship. Also very informative for the single girl. Read more
Published 3 months ago by ANGELA
5.0 out of 5 stars Just what it says.
This book is used in therapy, mainly for women at this time to assist in making life decisions about relationship choices.
Published 4 months ago by Patricia Heiden
2.0 out of 5 stars Just not what I was looking for
This book just didn't seem to say anything significantly important. There was never a moment when I thought "Wow, this is what I'm going through, I can totally relate. Read more
Published 4 months ago by josette
5.0 out of 5 stars Great
Everyone finds it easy to give advice to others, but most people find it difficult to take their own advice. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Patricia Palmer
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