Customer Reviews

Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away

5 star:		(24)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I am 50-something yrs. old and have been in a tumultuous marriage for the past 20 yrs. I can only say that this book is one of the BEST relationship books I have ever read - and believe me, I've read them all! If you have ever wondered what was wrong in your relationship but couldn't quite put your finger on it. Or have constantly asked yourself, "Is it ME?" Then this is the book to read! I can't tell you how clearly it's written, and how enlightening it is if you happen to have a man in your life that fits into any one of the five categories outlined in this book. (Mine happens to fit three categories like they were written about HIM!). It has been extremely helpful in not only informing me of the behaviors that go with each personality type, but precisely how to recognize them, approach your mate about them, and thank God, how to DEAL with them. It's the first book I've ever read that actually lays out guidelines for all the steps you should follow to get things moving in a positive direction. Or, if you finally recognize that you have a disconnected, shutdown, or unevolved type of mate that can't or simply won't cooperate, then there's no question that it's time to walk and get on with your life! I think we've all had these crossroads in our lives, but the information in this book really helps to identify things that you really shouldn't have to live with, and gives you strength and confidence to actually do something about it instead of wasting your life in a futile state of hope. I would absolutely recommend this book to all women who have ever struggled in a relationship, even if they think these "categories" couldn't possibly be about their man. (It might really surprise and help you). Likewise, I think every mother should provide it to their daughters as soon as they start dating seriously. If I'd had this book at any point in my life before now, I'm sure I could've avoided alot of stupid mistakes and heartache.

I read this book over the weekend. I was hurting, I wanted help and a friend had recommended this one. Although I already knew the relationship was a deal breaker from the gate and it was already over, I wanted to learn something about the mess I'd gotten myself into, and self-help books can definitely open the eyes. Love may be blind, but our eyes are widest open after we've just broken up with someone. That's the best time to read this book. Strike while the pain is fresh.

Dr. Marshall looks at 5 deal breaker categories, and articulates in plain English the problems and trouble signs. She also presents personal stories (you'll be able to relate) and deal breaker scenarios that she breaks down into "work on it" or "walk away." If your relationship shows up in these pages, you've got yourself a deal breaker. I find great comfort and relief in recognizing my situation on the page--if it's common enough to be included in a mass market publication, then there are a lot of folks out there in the same situation as me! Misery loves company? No; I'm just relieved to know I'm neither crazy nor alone in this. She also gives first impressions, warning signs, more warning signs, even more warning... you get the picture. For self-reflection, she includes the section "Who chooses this type of man?" There's also a chapter called "Getting off the merry-go-round" and 11 signs that you're on one. The book rounds out with tips on negotiating a new deal and breaking the deal when you have to.

This book helped me and I'm glad I read it right at the end of the relationship, because I was able to quickly recall the ex's hurtful behavior. After awhile, this won't hurt anymore, but if I forget what I went through, I'll do it again with a different man. That's why I say read while the pain is fresh, highlight and underline heavily, and make or break the deal.

Dr. Marshall delivers on her promise to help you decide whether you should work on your relationship or walk away. I saw her talking about this on Good Morning America. Once I read the book, and realized that my husband was the 'Little Boy Who Poses as a Man' (one of the five personality types that leads to a deal breaker), I stopped rescuing him, because I realized that I was feeding into his childlike behavior and he actually started taking some responsibility for himself. But I also realized that I had turned into a guilt-driven mother who felt obligated to save him from himself.

The author includes an analysis of "What kind of woman would pick this type of man". I'm guilty-because her description and analysis of me certainly applied.

Dr. Marshall writes about five personality types that cause 80% of the problems: The Scriptwriter (he casts you into a role and forms assumptions about you), The Man in Charge (he wants to control you), The Man Without Fault (he gets his feelings hurt and goes on the attack whenever you try to express your feelings), The Invisible Man (he's more connected to his computer, sports games, etc., than to you) and The Little Boy Who Poses as a Man (like a little boy - he does all the taking while you do all the giving).

I will be having a blast passing this book around to my friends while we figure out what categories our men fall into. One of my friends heard the author on Gayle King's (Oprah's friend) radio show in a longer and informative interview and bought the book for the same reason.

I strongly recommend that you read the book and discover what your man's personality type is. This book has given me a road map for change. The author states that a Deal Breaker (and the process of defining and understanding YOUR Deal Breaker) can be used "not as a weapon but as a tool for change."

The examples will ring true if you have ever seriously dated or been involved with a man. I also agree with the writer below who said that the first two reviewers may not have even read this book.

This is a thinking girl's book. And yes, as the author states, it can apply to us as well as our men. We can be Deal Breakers too!

Whether you are single and dating (my younger sister), working on a committed relationship or married (my mother wants to read it next), I highly recommend it.

To start, I'm 20 something year old male. I've had my share of relationships, and all seemed to lack one thing - Insight !
I've read various relationship books (Dr. Laura's books are great) and have found that many are great, for numerous reasons.
This one is up there with the others, if not better, and though this book is written towards women, I've found it encapsulates
the same problems and ideas that surround all relationships, both in the man's and woman's perspective.

This book sets up an objective, professional, well advised, and researched way of approaching relationships. Personally,
one of the things that I took from this book was the difference between healthy ways of going about things unhealthy ways and
how to detect and deal with each. We get caught up in the storm and it helps to know where the clouds are coming from and
how to avoid them.

Enjoy !!

I am extremely pleased with this book. My friends and I are having endless discussions about it over dinner.

What strikes me about this book is that it really is the second act of HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I learned how to not take it personally when bad men weren't into me, from that book. And I moved on...and found men worthy of relationships. But DEAL BREAKERS teaches me how to determine if those relationships are working for me.

By urging me to define my deal (i.e. exactly what I want from the relationship), and teaching me how to assess and move forward in a defined mature relationship I am not always left asking "is it him or is it me?".

Also, helping me assess the 5 personality types that cause 80% of the problems in relationships was a revelation. I no longer ask "Who is my man and how can I deal with him?". I have a much clearer idea of who I am dealing with and how to solve problems that arise. Where I have been prone to simply "walk" before, now I have greater tools for solutions.

I absolutely recommend it.

I agree with the review written by Summer Sterling and would add this book would benefit a huge age range, from teenagers to highly educated,successful professionals with years of life experience.

"Deal Breakers" is brilliant, yet easy to read, and would definitely help people clarify the personality traits, how they may have come about, why someone might put up with a harmful relationship, why people are confused about whether they can make a relationship work, and what are the true choices.

It is truly about getting out of "relationship purgatory" and gives specifics to know the truth, how to negotiate change, when to consider the problem a "deal breaker", the steps needed to leave the one you love, how to heal, and how to identify a healthy man.

And,I think,this book is valuable also for mothers or fathers to avoid contributing to the development of these self-protective personality styles in the first place!

This is a quick, easy read that has some enlightening assessments of behavior but leaves out a lot. There are way more categories that people fit into and often overlap. That is why we are so complex and hard to figure out. I also feel is a bit unfair to focus on men as being the only sex to have these behavioral issues, when most of the behavioral issues are non gender.

I bought this book with the intent of finding out all the things that were wrong with my husband, therefore finding the answers as to why we cannot communicate 90% of the time. When the book arrived I spent the next 2 evenings reading it, seeking answers with pen and highlighter in hand! Well, I have news...... about 2/3 of the material I ended up highlighting had "ME" notes next to them! This book ended up causing me to take a look inward and realize that my own personality traits are just as much a contributor to our problems as his. So no, this book is NOT a male bashing writing. If you keep an open mind and seek to learn vs. find fault, you will discover a wealth of information and a few laughs too. You might just find yourself saying "hey, that sounds like ME"! I very much enjoyed Deal Breakers and would highly reccommend it to those with an open mind, a pen and a highlighter!

This book really opens your eyes to relationship issues, the examples are of everyday things...that people see. It shows the warning signs you chose to ignore, it gets down to the dirt and full of honesty. After reading Dr. Phil's books, and then this one...I fully realize my relationship was never going to change. I had to do something for myself, and forget about trying to always fix HIM. There comes a point when you have to quit looking through rose colored glasses, and see it for what it is. I love this book and have shared it with several friends. I also think it being wrote by a woman, gave it a more personal feel for us females out there....Dr. Phil is great, but he is still a man! I reccomend this book to anyone who thinks they need their eyes opened! Mine were.

What a great book to understand more about myself and a painful failed relationship with a man who fit Chapter 6 to a T. I first picked up the book to define the man and better understand how to make the relationship work. HOWEVER, the best help came after I put the man down and started reading this book from the beginning. It provided simple but clear guidance on how to take care of ME and what it takes to make any relationship work. I have definitely set my standards higher, defined the terms of my 'deal' and feel much better about myself and my past situation. Anyone in 'relationship purgatory', as Dr. Marshall describes, should definitely read this book - cover to cover.