Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life: Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships [Paperback]

David Hawkins (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 1, 2007

Some of the most difficult people to deal with are those who fail to take responsibility for their lives and who wreak havoc in their relationships. Author and relationship doctor David Hawkins offers help for those caught unavoidably in the craziness of a disordered person's life. With clear explanations, examples, and real life solutions, Hawkins shows readers

• how to develop healthy life skill tools and boundaries
• when, why, and how to confront a person who drives them crazy
• how disordered people think, act, and see the world

Anyone trapped in another person's cycle of disorder will discover ways to change their own response, perspective, and communication, and ultimately will find the hope of peace in the chaos.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

With more than 35 years of counseling experience, David Hawkins, PhD, has a special interest in helping individuals and couples strengthen their relationships. Dr. Hawkins’ books, including When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You and Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life, have more than 350,000 copies in print.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Harvest House Publishers; annotated edition edition (February 1, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0736918418
• ISBN-13: 978-0736918411
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.5 x 8.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #97,636 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. David Hawkins has been counseling for over thirty years and is the author of more than thirty books, including the best-selling series, Your Pocket Therapist. He is also the weekly advice columnist for both Crosswalk.com and CBN.com. Dr. Hawkins founded the Marriage Recovery Center and owns Pacific Psychological Associates with offices located throughout Washington State. He lives on Bainbridge Island, Washington, with his wife, Christie. Visit him online at http://www.yourrelationshipdoctor.com.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

88 of 88 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Primarily a problem-solving self-help guide for readers of all backgrounds and faiths. June 8, 2007

By Midwest Book Review

Format:Paperback

Written by Dr. David Hawkins, a counselor of more than 30 years' experience, Dealing With the Crazy Makers in Your Life: Settling Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships is a no-nonsense guide to dealing with the people who literally drive one crazy - whether they are spouses, other family members, co-workers, or anyone else one has to interact with on a regular basis. Chapters cover different individual types with flaws that can induce mind-crunching headaches, including aggressors, egotists, borderlines (those who appear rational but may explode at any moment), sufferers/martyrs, and rigid control freaks. The true value of Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life lies in its practical, no-nonsense advice for coping with such people: the importance of setting boundaries; how crucial it is to never bluff and always follow through on any rules or promises; the value of letting an irresponsible individual suffer the consequences of his irresponsibility rather than clean up after him; and more. "Crazy-makers lack boundaries. They have a way of manipulating us into saying more than we are comfortable of saying and doing more than we want to do. We catch ourselves too late, after we've already spilled our guts. We must learn the importance of privacy." Though there are Christian elements within Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life, such as recommendations to pray and spend time in the Word, Dealing with the Crazy Makers in Your Life is primarily a problem-solving self-help guide for readers of all backgrounds and faiths. Highly recommended.

62 of 62 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Survival and Coping Guide March 15, 2010

By Mommaw

Format:Paperback

I absolutely enjoyed this book. It has cleared up many thoughts feelings and perceptions and given me the best clarity on the CRAZY MAKERS that we encounter and have to cope with in life. This wisdom and spiritual strength in Davids wealth of knowledge book hits right on and gives clear direction as to how to cope and handle the CRAZIES while keeping your sanity. The best way is avoidance in any situation but often that is not a given path so being informed and equipped helps you maintain your pace and joy in the midst of chaos and the crazy-makers tactics.

I am sharing the best parts of the book that I enjoyed.
Page 43 Don't feel, Don't hurt. Don't talk about problems.
This is the definition of a crazy-making world because our emotional well-being actually hinges on our ability to talk about problems, share painful and joyful emotions, and state clearly what we are seeing. To learn to be numb is the beginning of craziness.

A large part of the answer, for both the crazy-maker and for family members and friends, is to "come-alive", to turn on our "chaos detectors" and recognize when we are numbing ourselves instead of sharing our feelings. This includes regaining the ability to speak and rename the truth. We cannot do this if we are numb and entrenched in denial or if we are firmly enmeshed in the crazy-maker's world. Healing begins with the smallest step of awareness.

Page 46 The Egotist
One who immediately launches into a conversation about himself- the ones so full of themselves that they have little room for you. Having a balanced conversation with them is impossible. Talking with them can be entertaining, but at some point you begin to feel drained from listening to their larger-than-life accomplishment, In all their talking, they forget something critically important-asking sincere questions about you. That's because you are not really an important part of their internal landscape unless they can profit in some way. They are big, you are small, and they drain your energy with in satible demands. If you let them.

Page 62 Crazy makers...
(They are) people who consistently irritate and confront without taking responsibility or recognizing their limitations. They do not feel the impact or hurt caused by their chaotic obstinate behavior. Crazy-maker behavior ranges from being argumentative to being destructive. Depending on their lack of empathy, crazy-makers move by degrees from being difficult to being narcissistic. Totally self-absorbed, naricissistic persons marked by indifference and unconcern.

Aggressors use intimidation, anger, and perhaps even threats to gain control. They are experts at twisting your words, changing the subject, and heating up the conversation, all of which can make you feel very ucomfortable.

Page 64 "It's all about them!" Power is the overarching theme.
They prey on those who are weaker than themselves and bring them into their corner.

Page 97 Borderline Personalities...When they attack you...
Frantically, you defend yourself. And that is mistake number one. You have been hooked! You try to convince the borderline that what she is seeing, what she is feeling, what she is perceiving is wrong. But defending yourself does not work. Give it up.

Page 113 When anyone in a relationship is dishonest, the integrity of that relationship is compromised. The relationship becomes dysfunctional.

Page 116 Truth always sets us free. When we live in the truth we don't need to hide from anyone. We don't need to slink around in the shadows freaful of being exposed.
Deception breeds additional deception. They told lie upon lie, pointing the blame in every possible direction.

Page 118 I have worked extensively with aggressors. They often twist the truth to fit their needs at a particular moment. They use fear and intimidation to control others, and it often works. They employ deception and twist words to convince others not to look too closely into their lives or their motives. If neccessary, they use outright lies. At times, what they don't say is deceptive. These people are not willing to share any more of the truth than what they can use to their own advantage.

If you challenge an aggressor's thinking or behavior, you aren't likely to get the truth. Aggressors are not likely to own up to their deceptive ways. In fact, they are more likely to dig themselves in even deeper, using more lies to cover up the original deception. They may even attempt to turn the tables on you by accusing you of the very thing of which you have accused them. But if we open our eyes, we see aggressors for what they are-aggressive, self-centered, and immature. They are jerks! Aggressors are people we often choose to avoid-until we are caught in their net of deception and have no choice but to find a way to deal with them.

Page 127 Knowing that crazy makers are dedicated to deception is a powerful insight, but will be of little worth to you unless you use this knowledge to extricate yourself from their net. Bullies' attacks are not personal. Bullies yell at everyone. If you think about it, the attacks actually say more about who and what the Bullies are than they do about you.

Page 140 Unforgiveness in a relationship is like a cancer out of control. It is bitterness turned against another again and again. To be the recipient of unforgiveness is to endure agonizing form of crazy making. People who hold grudges are holding you hostage. You cannot do anything to make them forget the alleged wrong you have done to them.

An excellent read and absolute necessity for understanding CRAZY-MAKERS!

35 of 36 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful tool for dealing with dysfunction junction.... July 18, 2007

By Penny McCreary

Format:Paperback

This book is a must read for anyone who wants to gain a greater insight on to how to deal with those toxic personalities that are in our lives. For anyone who has endured verbal abuse or wondered how communication in a third world country could seem more effective than on the home front, this book is so inspirational and positive. After reading Dr. Hawkins riveting text written in such a gripping conversational style, I felt as if I could finally build better emotional fences with people who were controlling, aggressive, borderline, narcissistic, or just plain overly dramatic. Proactive solutions and essential questions are given by the author to help his audience come to tackle the interpersonal demons that affect us all at home, at work, and even in our respective congregations. This book was a true beacon of hope and served as a positive catalyst for my own personal growth. I enthusiastically endorse this book to any clergy, layperson, or therapist in our country.