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Dear Church: Letters from a Disillusioned Generation

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Sarah start her book with an exploration of why the twentysomething generation often can be disillusioned with the way church is done these days. But she gives us more than just a laundry list of complaints. This is the Church, after all, at the same time the Bride and the Body of Christ, the broken vessel made up of broken people that carries the hope of the gospel to all the world. All the hurts and frustrations and pains expressed by Sarah are really just aches of love and expressions of longing for a Church that seems to fall so short of what she ought to be.

Dear Church is not for you if you're in a church that is working well and you're involved and going great guns. It's probably not for you if you use expressions like "going great guns." I teach lots of younger, more interesting, quirky, edgy low-church folks who are uncomfortable, even disillusioned, with their churches -- with The Church. And that's who it's for. That's who will love it and benefit from it.

Sarah is one of those authors where you forget you're reading. It's more like she's sitting there across from you, sipping her skinny cappucino, eyeing your almond croissant and you're listening to her but knowing she's wondering whether she should've gotten one of those too. When you tell someone about one story or another (and you will because they're irresistable) you're really going to tempted to start it with "You know what Sarah told me yesterday?" I'm telling you, she's in the room with you; it's weird.

And not only are you in the same room, you're in the same boat. I mean it's like she's got her finger on your emotional pulse. She has. You'll love how she delights in your strengths; you'll squirm as she accurately describes your foibles. She's been there. And she's in the process of moving on past cynicism and disillusionment. She hasn't arrived yet, but she's moving on. And she shows you where she's going and look, there's room for you too. And it might mean leaving your church and starting something new and it might not. There's the pay-off. Here's how to tell if the book is for you: You are asking yourself one of these questions and Sarah doesn't give you the answer but helps you ask the rest of the questions as well: Is it time to leave? How do I leave without running away? How could I possibly stay without faking it?

Here (I can't resist) is one of the things Sarah told me last week: "...When we draw pictures of 'the church' for our children, we want those images to look less like a steepled building and more like the latitude and longitude lines embracing every inch of the globe." (p. 108).

When I first read the title Dear Church Letters from a Disillusioned Generation, I was hesitant. I have picked up too many books lately that seem to be birthed out of a harmfully "cool cynicism" that underline the church's defecits.

While this book may strike you as yet ANOTHER emergent driven college and career set publication, it packs a one/two punch that finally offers follow through and balance absent in previous attempts to get at this topic. The first half of the book (which introduces the reader to Generation Y and some of their concerns regarding the church) solidly connects with its disillusioned readers and may even leave some traditionalists in a bit of a panic. But after the book sinks in with its reader and their raw concerns, the author Sarah Cunningham redirects the book's same heart and energy to inspire her readers toward more lasting and mature involvement in Christ and His church.

I found the chapter on using the word "church" reminiscent of my own concerns over the last decade (I am now in my 30s). But the chapters on what to do when frustrated with the church represented missing content I wish I would've had at the time. The apology chapter and the love letter at the end will grab the attention and emotions of readers of all ages who have been around the church for a while.

By the last page I found myself mentally listing people I know who NEED to hear what this book gives: regret over losses along the way, but convincing reason to push through and move forward.

Sarah Cunningham shares her story with wit and aplomb(I've always wanted to use that word in a review of some kind and here's my chance! Big Word Guy, right this way...)

It is a collection of pieces written as if to a dear friend named "Church". All the ups and downs of relationship are there, the disillusionment, the frustration, the spat or quarrel, the tentative reawakening of the reason the friendship began in the first place...we've all been there, at least everyone of a certain age (teens, twenties, thirties) anyway.

If you care enought to read the title, read the reviews, and follow the trail to here...you are clearly searching for something. Sarah doesn't pretend that her contribution to Our story is the final word - only that this is a document of where many of us are right now...a touchstone that gives us a place to meet and talk.

All that from the book Dear Church? Yes.

- S.

Disillusionment! My experience of "church" has been nothing short of the word. In her book, "Dear Church: Letters from a Disillusioned Generation," author, Sarah Cunningham, takes an authentic, raw look at today's institution of "church."

I grew up in an old-school, hell-fire-and brimstone Baptist congregation. Although it was never stated verbally, the message was strong and clear that piano and organ hymns were the only way to worship God, church doctrine was the most important thing in life, and the outward appearance was the only thing that mattered in your Christian life. Our family was part of this church for my entire childhood, yet "church" was just something you did on Sunday morning. As God took me through that time in my life, I was certainly given the foundation on which to base my life. However, as I learned to think on my own through high school and much of college I began to experience disillusionment for the very first time. At the time, I didn't know what it was, but I found myself getting bitter, maybe even angry toward the church. Questioning the entire church process and even my relationship with God and the church was part of my regular routine. Evan as the church went through a transition stage, there were still the hints of "old" that ate away at my spiritual life. For a period of time, I threw my hands up and gave up. If this was all there was, I wanted nothing to do with it! Knowing I would be moving away made it especially easy to transition out of "church."

After moving over two hours away from home, I found myself longing for the relationships that once were a part of my life. I started attending a church, which was a big step for myself. For the first couple months, this were great, as in the honeymoon stage of my new church relationship. Soon, the honeymoon stage began to wear off and I was faced with some of the very frustrations I once had, yet on a much smaller scale. I later began working with students as a part-time job, which helped to overcome my disillusionment. It's hard to rely on tradition when working with teens.

As a twentysomething myself, there has been no greater hope to know that I am not alone in my frustrations. "Dear Church" gave an honest insight into the frustration I was faced with, rather than sugar coating it and giving the old pat-on-the-back while shoving me back into the "game." There are many individuals from every generation who have given up on church, consciously or not. Not only does Sarah Cunningham look deep into this process, she gives hope to those that have experienced frustration with the church, large or small. From those that have dealt with the disillusionment to those that are experiencing it this very moment, "Dear Church" is a book that will call on it's readers to examine their own life and deal with their past or present disillusionment.

The church is where it's happening! "Dear Church" explains that the church is the instrument that God has designed to carry out his mission. There is a deep passion for the church between the lines as Cunningham takes her readers through the journey of hope through disillusionment. It was a startling reminder of my own frustrations with the "church" and my passion and love for it, all at the same time.

Whether you're dealing with frustration, have given up on church altogether, or are part of the church trying to reach all people, this is the perfect book for in-depth insight into the minds of the disillusioned.

Sarah takes a creative approach to address the concerns of the church from the mindset of twentysomethings. She writes candidly about how the twentysomething generation has lost its connection with the church for many differnet reasons. Her analysis of her generation (and mine for that matter) is right on. She perfectly shows how this generation thinks about the world, each other, and the church. She also shows how the church is missing the mark in tapping into the potential that this generation has to offer.

Churches need to read this book to understand that there are areas where they are missing the point of how to minister alongside this people group. She wants the church to become aware of the needs and concerns of this generation instead of glossing over them or ignoring them.

Initally, Sarah seems quite jaded toward the church with no chance of resolution. At the end she brings much hope to the church and her generation. She provides great recommendations for what to do bring these two divided peoples back together. Sarah's love for the church and for Christ is very evident throughout the text, particularly the ending.

I would recommend this book to anyone who is jaded toward the church for being forgotten. I would recommend this book to anyone who thinks that everything in the church is going great without needing changes. Both sides have much to learn through this text.

Dear Ms. Cunningham,

I have read your letters and I must admit that I was very surprised. I was surprised by your brutal honesty. I was surprised by your assessment of the church. I was surprised by your hopeful ending. But most of all I was surprised by my reaction. I can understand your situation--I too am a life long Christian. In fact, I entered life the same year as you, but that is not all that we have in common. We have shared similar experiences of disillusionment and frustration with a church which fails to meet our expectations. I must admit that my first response to your letters was skepticism and even a little bit of outrage. Like you, I stayed with the church despite her flaws, but it wasn't easy. After years of arguing with my friends who have walked away from Christianity, defending the church has become a part of my identity. So, you can understand my indignation when you stripped off the church's pretty outer garments and laid her flaws bare for all to see.

Yet, as I read through your letters, your pain began to resonate with something deep inside of me. Your schizophrenic experiences of trying not to be ashamed of the church (because true Christians know that we shouldn't be ashamed of the gospel), while at the same time flinching when someone mentioned the "c" word in the real world rang especially true with me. They reflect my own experiences and feelings toward the church--a mixture of love and disappointment. Just last week the speaker at my church used the aforementioned verse to chastise anyone who would be uncomfortable holding an altar call every Sabbath. A part of me wishes that life were so black and white, but another part of me knows that it is not. Am I being too influenced by the secular culture? You don't seem to think so. Although you are freely willing to admit that part of our culture needs sanctification, you also affirm the good in it. You acknowledge that we are overly idealistic, impatient, and maybe a little too consumed with questions, but you also affirm that we bring honesty and transparency to the church.

That is when I realized that your letters were not merely rants about the shortcomings of the church. Rather, they are heartfelt desires poured out on ink. They are not just a list of complaints--they are guides to solutions. Despite all your negative experiences with her, you still love the church. Your love for her hums a melody throughout the first few chapters and breaks forth in full harmony in the last three. Yours is a responsible rant, because your final letters propose solutions to the problems we have for too long ignored. This is not a spur-of-the-moment complaint dropped in the suggestion box. It is a carefully prayed over message that brings out some wise suggestions of getting over disappointment with the church.

This is not to say that I agree with everything you have written. I do have a couple complaints (I am a Gen Xer after all). First, it seems that you put very low importance on doctrinal truth. It is true that many battles in the church are fought over insignificant details. However, that does not mean that we should never cause a ruckus. God wants his people to lovingly stand up for truth found in the bible. In addition, you seem to oversimplify the issues involved with unity. You seem to suggest that the great number of denominations is a problem that needs to be fixed. However, that type of trite observation does not do justice to the bigger issue of how to deal with heresy and abuse of power in the church. Should a group that is being maligned by those in power stay within the church merely to create an appearance of unity? Perhaps if people and churches were perfect these problems could be resolved without schisms, but as you yourself have pointed out, neither are.
Perhaps the problem is not in what we disagree on, but how we disagree.

We can disagree and we can debate as long as we show courtesy, respect, and love to each other. Perhaps when we actually listen to one another we will all learn something new. For that reason I hope that many more people will read your letters. Though they may not agree with everything that you have written, I hope that they will read them with a measure of love. You have begun a dialogue on a topic that has been silent for too long. Perhaps your letter will open the door for more letters or emails or phone calls. Perhaps other disillusioned twentysomethings will read them and be prompted to return. Perhaps powerful fortysomethings will read them and be moved to adapt. And perhaps then our disillusionment will be surprised by hope.

Sincerely,

A Hopefully Surprised Reader

Dear Church,

Here is a book well worth reading. Sarah Cunningham is the conscience of her generation. Her wrestling match with organized Christianity is representative of so many 18-30 year olds. In fact believers well past the age of thirty are likely to resonate with the pains and joys that Sarah recounts in this collection of metaphorical letters.
Other books in the disgruntled twenty-something genre (and there are many) are thinly veiled cheap shots at an older generation and their systems and rituals. While Sarah pulls no punches, she weighs each criticism carefully before diagnosing a problem and offering helpful and nuanced solutions. She avoids short pithy formulas for success, and sweeping (and worn out) cuts at the corporate model of church popularized over the last twenty-five years.
There is little new information in this Zondervan publication for young adult leaders to glean. This book is an attitude to adopt, rather than a resource to mine. At times the author is melodramatic, but on the whole Sarah Cunningham is surprisingly sage-like in her approach to the copious foibles of both the church and the generation that she belongs to.
Throughout there is an undercurrent of love which gives this book a nice aftertaste. Many other books addressing the same set of cultural blemishes leave the reader with a sour and depressing view of the church. Sarah seems less concerned with "emerging" as a relevant and inspirational voice and genuinely hopeful for the healing of garish spiritual wounds and the advance of the Kingdom.
I highly recommend this book to anyone (of any age) who has at one time or another been disillusioned or deeply wounded by the Church or by a fellow believer in Christ. (So, basically everyone should read this).

If you have a book that you would like to see reviewed on the Refuge site, contact Tim at www.myspace.com/refugewi

If you're a churchworker looking to understand the 20-something crowd at your church or a parent just trying to understand your own 20-something son or daughter, this book offers a realistic perspective on where many 20-somethings are in relation to their faith--and their relationship with the local church.

Sarah's writing was well researched and enjoyable to read, with personal stories that illustrated many of her points. I appreciated that her writing was based heavily on experience and not just speculation or good ideas that don't have any time-tested proof of accuracy. As much as it can be disheartening to admit that many 20-somethings are disillusioned, Sarah offers keen insight and hopeful suggestions without simply deconstructing.

This book was amazaing. I am a 23 year old seminary student, but I am really struggling with the organized church. This book really addressed my concerns and let me know I wasn't the only one who had these isses. The book gave me a lot of hope! It is a MUST read