Customer Reviews

Dear Exile : The True Story of Two Friends Separated (for a Year) by an Ocean

5 star:		(37)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Books about female friendships are few and far between. I know I will face some argument on this one, but so many of the books that pretend to be about female friendships are *really* about men. Who one of the loves, who one of them wants to love, making the men the centerpiece of the story.

But this book does not do that.

This book is about women (though certainly Kate's husband figures in the tale) and about the way that the women interact with each other. The letters demonstrate the real nature of friendship between women, which is not, as many in Hollywood would like to think, populated with half-naked pillow fights and hair-pulling over some man. These women do what women in real life *do* with each other: scold, tease, smother with concern, and truly share concerns. The fact that Hillary is in New York and Kate is in Africa is almost incidental next to this loving depiction of friendship. (Although the contrast certainly helps to illuminate the personalities, and it is a pretty compelling description of the situation in Africa and the role that the Peace Corp can play in that environment. I would esp. recommend this to anyone who is planning on making a life of activism or service, in the Peace Corps or elsewhere.)

It could be uninteresting to read about such a realistic friendship, however it isn't. It is a warm and funny book, obviously well crafted by the talents of both women and good editors. It is sweet, really, but not cloying, and it has an emotional impact on the reader -- makes you want to call your long lost pal and hug her over coffee.

In fact, after I am done writing this, I am going to the post office to send my copy to my best friend, who's living in Japan. It's just that kind of book.

Two friends from two very different worlds correspond. The juxtaposition is striking. One letter writes of computers and getting a new apartment and dating and romance from the slick comsmopolitan world of New York City. In the next letter, you are transported to a world of poor sanitation, a place where people have very different ideas about pace of life and what's important, a place where you cannot speak against abuse and injustice due to red tape. In one letter it is the heat of an African summer, in the next, a snowy day in New York. I noticed many other reviewers are judging the quality of one against the other. I didn't judge - I enjoyed the book for it's contrast of two different worlds. I enjoyed the book as one who often feels lost and aimless in a post-graduate world. I identified with the political aspects of civil service as well as the practical aspects of single life in the US. You may find yourself drawn to Hilary's sophisticated social upwardly-mobile scene, and/or to Kate (and husband Dave's) world of reserved stranger in a strange land, her quiet perseverence trying against great odds to make the world a better place in the Peace Corps.

A couple of asides - sometimes the language seems to get a little too "precious", which is to be forgiven. Also, it feels like so much was left out, like the book could have been twice as thick as it was somehow. One last note, should this book ever become a movie (it has a rather cinematic quality to it) I think husband Dave will steal the show, even as he played a minor role in the book, he always delivers a great performance!

In an age of cell phones and e-mail and instant access, a pair of people who write long, detailed letters and mail them (with stamps!) seems unusual. And what letters! These are no slapdash, catty-chatty constructions, but rather articulate, vivid, thoughtful epistles between two people living very different lives in the 1990s.

The letters are real; they are the products of former Yale roommates Kate Montgomery and Hilary Liftin. Kate, recently married, moves to Kenya with her husband to teach English for the Peace Corps. Her narrative of life in Africa begins with stunned delight (giraffes walk by!). Increasingly, though, her letters begin to detail the awful conditions and debasement of the people there. We learn of rampant disease (Kate seems to catch every one of them), polluted water, and unsanitary schools where students are beaten mercilessly.

Hilary, from the other side of the ocean, relates her experience as a single woman looking for love, satisfying work, and a decent apartment in New York City. Her stories are funny, poignant, sometimes heartbreaking, and just as interesting as Kate's.

The best story of all, though, is that of the friendship that sustains and enriches these two passionate women across the miles.

This books sheds light on the different realities of two cultures and reveals the easy manner with which two friends communicate. The letters were well edited and so allowed this reader to enter into their relationship. Any "you had to be there stories" were wisely taken out. Kate Montgomery's accounts of teaching and living in Kenya were disturbing and honest. I hope that her stories of the lack of bathing, poisonous water and insect infestations would make any potential volunteer think twice about what he or she is about to enter into. This is a quick, entertaining and enlightening read.

I read Dear Exile in one continous session--I couldn't put it down. It is funny, interesting, sad (the sections about teaching in poor Kenyan schools are heartbreaking) and just all around great. This book is going to appeal to a lot of people, I think. With people communicating so much by e-mail, one of the wonderful aspects of the book is fact that the authors actually wrote each other real letters-- long, thoughtful ones. Pretty amazing. Anyone who has ever stuggled to find the right job and the right mate and the right life will relate to Hilary's story, while anyone who has ever dreamed of running off and joining the Peace Corps will appreciate Kate's story. I highly recommend this book.

I enjoyed reading the letters in this book and the opportunity it allowed me to peek into the lives of these women for one year. The daily problems of everyday life in NYC may not seem as important or difficult as the challenges of everyday life in Kenya, but they are to the person who is living them and to their best friend. I tell my own best friend everything including when I have to change a light bulb. I couldn't stop reading the book because I found it suspenseful. What was going to happen at the school in Kenya and would Kate survive her time there? What would happen with Hilary's love life or with her disturbed downstairs neighbor? I hung on to every word and looked forward to every letter as if they were written to me personally.

The end of the book left me kind of sad. There did not seem to be much hope for a better future in the village in Kenya or the school system there. Kate's optimistic anticipation for her time in the Peace Corps flattened by the reality of conditions beyond her control. Hilary surrounded by friends, the center of attention, yet so alone. I worry that now that they are no longer half a world apart and don't have to write each other letters, that time and new responsibilities will get in their way and cause them to drift apart even though they live in the same city. They profess undying friendship in their letters and I believe them, but I hope they take the time to have a leisurely chat over tea and cake every once in a while too.

I loved this book, I would have never had the courage to stay in Kenya as long as Kate did. She endured a life that's very different from the way she grew up to put up with the injustice that Kenyan students were put through. I would loan this book to anyone that might be thinking of joining the peace corps.

I could relate to Hilary's story more. She's from New York and had to deal with more ordinary dilemmas like dating and work and buying an apartment but as she stated on her letters to Kate, even though they weren't big problems they were her problems. This book gives a great message, that distance makes the heart grow fonder and it makes the friendship of two people seem even more special, even though they are incredibly different from one another. I truly enjoyed this book, don't hesitate and buy it!

This is about as perfect as a book can be. I won't recap the concept; plenty of other reviewers have summed it up. But I want to express my unbounded admiration for this book. I would never have imagined that a set of letters between friends could make for fascinating, hard-to-put-down reading, but this set of letters does. In spades. These women's lives are just plain interesting--Kate's, in part, because she's in a situation most of us know little or nothing about and Hilary's, in part, because she's in a situation most of us know all too well. There's more going on here, though, than just the fact of being interesting. The friendship between these two comes alive on the page; the insights about the world and about each other that the women reveal are meaningful; the wit each writer possesses is sharp and on target. I loved the book. I'm giving it to everyone I know for Christmas because they're all going to love it, too.

I read a positive review of this in People Magazine, of all places, while waiting in the doctor's office and was attracted to its epistolary form. If you are a letter writer you will appreciate Kate's tightly written and amusing letters filled with humorous and sad anecdotes of her Peace Corps experience in Africa. Hillary's letters on the other hand, though less exotic, accurately reflect the post-college, single-girl-in-the city, more mundane world that many can relate to. This works because it's about two friends sustaining a relationship through the written word despite the different paths they branch out on after their college union. They are both likable in their different personalities and style of writing and one begins to care about them in this quick read. In reading some of the reviews here some have made criticisms of Kate's Peace Corps reflections but if the letters are true to their originality they are just observations and perceptions of a year in the life of two women keeping in touch with eachother. Too precious at times? Maybe it could have been meatier, but it's a good start.

I sent a copy to my 23 year old sister in NYC and she loved it. Since we are 11 years apart and have radically different personalities I think this book would appeal to many. I only wish there there had been more letters!

I just finished this one- it was a really quick read. It is the true story and letters of two college friends one is in the Peace Corp in Africa, the other living in NYC. It is a very good idea- the letters back and forth, you slowly learn about the characters.. the girl in the Peace Corp gives a really detailed description of some of the heinous stuff she encounters in Kenya. They have nothing- the school she teaches at beats the kids, etc. the New Yorker is always moaning about this guy or that guy and she Buys, yes BUYS an apartment in Manhattan- so as you can see I had a lot less sympathy for this one. In all though, a good story, I like the "voyeuristic quality" of the letters. If you like this you may want to check out the Griffin & Sabine books.