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Dear John: The Missing Letter, the Movie Details
on April 15, 2010
I don't know how to tip-toe around this, so I'm going to come right out and say it: I'm a selfish whore.
Waiting around for you has been pure hell. So frustrating! OMG. You think YOU have it tough over there (wherever you are), living here in my parents' multimillion dollar plantation estate is agony you can't imagine. I mean, which of the eight rooms do I sleep in?! Ugh. And that's not even going into the summer house with a beach-front view. It's so depressing.
Anyway, remember Tim? Yeah, well, he needs me or something because he got sick and his son Alan is autistic. Sure, my parents could have donated tons of money, and I have more time than I know what to do with, but that's just not enough for Tim and his son. So, we're getting married, and that's why I haven't written in weeks. My bad. Talk about something that makes no sense at all! I'm morally bankrupt, so I clearly can't empathize with how this decision will hurt you, but it's cool, because you still have your dad, who's kind of like Alan. Wow. I never thought of it that way. You and Tim both care for an autistic person in some way, yet I'm choosing a family friend instead of my boyfriend. Weird coincidence, huh? But my decision is made; true, moon-crossed love comes in a distant second. Simply giving Tim my time, my family's financial support, our access to top-notch physicians (given my widely spaced eyes, we clearly have had a difficult time finding a superb optometrist), and all the other benefits of being wealthy is not sufficient. They need me more than I love you. After all, how else do you explain a single father with an autistic kid moving in amongst the aristocracy like my family? As if! They NEED me.
Anywho, remember when I told you not to tell me what I don't know? Well, bullets flying around must be scary, and that whole 9/11 thing must really affect you as a Special Forces soldier, but you made the wrong decision. Besides, arranging an entire wedding - not to mention dodging all the bridesmaid wannabes - is real behind the lines, Medal of Honor stuff! I can relate. My BFF Jill has been blowing up my cell with all sorts of gown pictures and flower arrangements. LOL
I should probably be more emotional about this all, but it's beyond my range (you know how I wane and lose steam when dealing with complicated and mature subjects). Even if I wanted to, I couldn't act convincingly sad, or anything like that. I thought the same of you, especially during that confusing moment with me before you went back to play Army, when you wore your heart on your sleeve (and your rank upside down) but it wasn't apparent what emotion it was. Next time you are really emotional, you should tell your face. Besides, it's clear that nobody with a heart could actually take my side in all this, since essentially what I'm doing is breaking your heart and devouring your soul through aggravatingly slow, mushy letters that are shallow as a thimble. It's almost like this was written by a writer who has perfected a saccharin storyline with implausible details.
But I'm sure you'd show deeper emotional range if something happened to your father. Speaking of your dad, could he be any weirder? I mean, I'm cool with "fun" autism, where it's all riding horses and entertaining kids in helmets, but your dad's different. I'm caring, but even I have my limits. It's almost as if he's acting; and, if so, he's a great actor...like Richard Jenkins. You? Not so much. Also, I hate lasagna FYI.
Oh, BTW, remember that Mule you and your father told me about? Well, Tim has a mule of his own. ;)
See you soon,