Customer Reviews

Dear Judge (Kid's Letters to the Judge)

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This is a slim volume of actual letters written by children to the judge in divorce/custody suits. It is a sad little commentary in the real voices of those who are most hurt by marriage break-ups.

As a guide to parents facing separation, divorce,shared or sole custody, or blended families, it is probably invaluable, as well as being a very touching book to read. For anyone not in those situations, whether judge, lawyer, caseworker or even just a member of society watching families dissolve, this is a education about the feelings of the most vulnerable members of our society--children.

My favorite letter (among so many good ones):

Dear Judge,

....Grandpa said that just because my parents are big that doesnt mean they are grown up.

He promised as soon as they are grown up they will take care of me again. Grandma said he is telling me the truth.

Your friend,
TD

And there are more letters equally meaningful. You don't want to miss this book if you are facing family problems.

Great piece of work. I can see their faces and feel their hearts in these letters. I wanted more and could not have handled more at the same time. Buy this one and then try to keep your friends from walking off with it.

Filled with short letters from children to the judge, "Dear Judge" will at times make you laugh and at times make you believe in the family court system, but mostly it will point out the ways the court system and parents fail to take a child into consideration. When a young child has a question they generally turn to their parents, but when the parents say they can't take them somewhere, or see them more often, or otherwise satisfy the needs of the child because the court system constrains them they have to take other measures. These children took their pleas to the judge. Encouraging, disheartening, and enlightening, "Dear Judge" should be read by judges, parents, and attorneys alike.

Charlotte Hardwick has done a real service to families by sharing these delightful letters from innocent children who find themselves caught up in custody cases. If only parents could read them BEFORE going to court.

I laughed; I cried; and I learned from the viewpoint of the most innocent victims in custody cases--the children. "Dear Judge" has earned a permanent place in my personal library.

Although I am not yet a parent, I was intrigued by the issues this book brings to light - as I have known many children who've felt stuck in the middle due to divorce.

This is one of those books that ALL parents can gain insights from! It is a compilation of letters written to a judge by children whose parents were in the midst of a divorce. Some of the letters will actually make you laugh, and others will make your heart hurt. But each one shares important insights into the minds & hearts of children who are dealing with these difficult issues.

This should be used as a handbook for divorcing parents - as it allows a peek into what hurts & what can heal these children who are trying to understand why, and what next...

I would highly recommend this book to all parents, but especially those who are in the midst, or are contemplating divorce. It's an easy, eye-opening read!

Sometimes it takes weeks and months to build enough trust with a child to get this kind of honestly felt comment. I had a notion these letters were out there.

I have purchased Dear Judge in bulk and am handing it out to parents the court has assigned to me for family evaluation.

I will put my personal favorite here...

Dear Judge,

Please have the valuator come back out to our house. The day she came was not a day like all the rest. The kitchen caught fire because my brother was trying to make cheese grill sandwiches for us kids to eat so mom could talk to the valuator. Tell Miss Hill the dog never peed on anyone before and we will put him outside this time.

Yours truly,

Bobby J.

This company deserves a 'Thank You' for taking the time to present these letters in Dear Judge,.

Charlotte Hardwick is the author of Win Your Child Custody War: Child Custody Help SourceBook, which is an invaluable aid to parents, lawyers and others involved in custody cases. If you are involved in a child custody dispute, the first thing you should do is get a copy of Hardwick's SourceBook, and then read the letters in this book. You will be amazed at the information the SourceBook contains. It is one of those "invaluable" sources that really is invaluable.

"Dear Judge" is an entirely different sort of book but one with a similar intent, that of seeing custody disputes from the child's point of view. Hardwick has compiled a selection of their actual letters to judges (whom they--usually!--hold in the highest regard) and published the letters in this little book. She has excluded those that are too heart-wrenching, or as she phrases it, are "too dispiriting to print." What the letters have in common is the innocent and (nearly!) guileless efforts of the children to have their voices heard. Unfortunately, while most of these letters were actually read by judges, the judges were often unable to consider the requests of the children because, as Hardwick puts it, "Any communication arriving on a judge's desk that has not followed the proper procedure, cannot be considered by the judge."

What struck me most poignantly about what the children wrote is the fact that for the most part they don't blame either parent, nor do they take sides in the dispute, but instead concentrate on telling the judge what is wrong with the custody arrangements that were agreed to and offer ways to fix the situation. In some cases the children just express how unhappy they are because of the divorce and how much they love both their parents and how much they wish there was some way to get the parents to stop fighting and hating each other.

That is the essence of what these kids are expressing. While the parents are emotionally bent on WINNING at all costs and sometimes filled with hatred toward the other, the children are caught in the middle because the parents often forget what is best for the child. The bottom line in all custody disputes (as Hardwick emphasizes in her SourceBook) is the welfare of the children. What this little book does is remind us of that fact. Here's a little letter that says it all:

"Dear Judge,

I don't think what is going on for me is the same as what is going on for my parents.

I don't know who is right. I don't care who is right.

Clare C."

Another child writes,

"Dear Judge,

I think my mom and dad are fighting because of me. Could you put me in a new family so my mom and dad can be happy again.

Sandy S."

Another:

"Dear Judge,

Please tell my Dad to come home. My mommie cries all the time and it scares me. I don't know if we are going to be alright if he doesnt come home soon.

Tell him I love him and will be a very good girl.

Emily L."

Or simply,

"Dear Judge,

Please don't forget me.

Emily S."

In an inadvertent way that is enormously eloquent, the following letter reveals the psychological damage that a hateful divorce can visit upon a child:

"Dear Judge,

Please don't not make me choose.

William"

I think a lot of good might be done if every parent currently caught up in an acrimonious custody dispute would simply take a few minutes to read through these letters. And it wouldn't hurt for some judges to read them as well.

As a mediator with 10 years of experience assisting separating parents decide custody, visitation and support issues, this book cofirms very deeply and personally what I have seen and been told- how parents' actions when separating can have a very deep impact on their children. This book should be required reading for professionals working with separating parents as well parents who are separating and their children.

"Dear Judge" takes the reader inside the lives of real children facing custody battles. Not only is this a great book for children to see that they are not alone in the difficulties of custody tug-of-wars, but it's also an excellent reference for parents and those who work with children in these type of situations. Ms. Hardwick has done a great job in compiling the real-life letters children have written for this book. As someone who formerly worked with children in such situations, I would highly recommend this book.

Charlotte Hardwick is the author of that most excellent book on American child custody law, "Win Your Child Custody Battle." But, she is also an advocate for the children in a divorce. This book is a collection of letters that were actually sent by the children of divorces to a judge. The letters themselves have the wide range of feelings that the children themselves have. Some are hopeful, some are sad, some are scared, but all come from the heart.

I must say, I found this to be a very touching book. Some of the stories brought a smile to my face, while others brought a lump to my throat. This is a great book for making sure that those normally voiceless in a divorce are heard. I give this book my highest recommendations.