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Dear Lover: A Woman's Guide To Men, Sex, And Love's Deepest Bliss Paperback – March, 2006

77 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


 "In the area of sacred intimacy, David Deida is holding a lightning bolt. He sheds an astonishing light."

MARIANNE WILLIAMSOR, author of A Woman's Worth


"As a woman, I've never felt so understood and validated. Finally, a clear and brilliant guide to unraveling the mystery of relationships."

MARCI SHIMOFF, co-author of the New York Times bestseller Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul


"I feel that Deida has reached a new level of poetic genius in his writing, and his understanding of feminine psychology astounds me."

MIRANDA SHAW, PH.D., author of Passionate Enlightenment: Women in Tantric Buddhism


"We all taste God, taste Goddess, taste pure spirit in those moments of sexual rapture, and wise men and women have always used that rapture to reveal Spirit's innermost secrets. David Deida is such a wise one."

KEN WILBER, author of Grace and Grit

About the Author

David Deida is internationally renowned for his revolutionary insights into mens and womens consciousness and his commitment to deepening genuine spiritual and sexual practice. His books are published in more than 20 languages, and include Finding God through Sex (Sounds True, 2004) and Dear Lover (Sounds True, 2004).


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 184 pages
  • Publisher: Sounds True; Published 2005 edition (March 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1591792606
  • ISBN-13: 978-1591792604
  • Product Dimensions: 0.5 x 6 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (77 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #50,274 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Known internationally for his unique workshops on spiritual growth and sacred intimacy, Deida has designed and developed a remarkably effective program of transformative practices that fully addresses spiritual awakening in mind, body, and heart. He is a founding associate of Integral Institute and has taught and conducted research at the University of California Medical School in San Diego; University of California, Santa Cruz; San Jose State University; Lexington Institute, Boston; and Ecole Polytechnique in Paris, France.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

147 of 155 people found the following review helpful By Aspen Leaf on February 21, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
A central question in David Deida's work is: What is sexual love between a man and a woman for? The answer he gives here and elsewhere is that the purpose of sex is to open our bodies and hearts to God, and in fact that sex more than anything else in life is what takes us open to God. "Through entering your heart and body with mine in love's deepest bliss, I open together with you to God."

Deida's distinctive writing style is intuitive and filled with redundancy, so you'll read that message often in this book (which is written as a series of letters from Deida to the reader as his female lover). To me it's attention-getting the first few times he says it but soon becomes mind-numbing. By the end of the book it's enough already!

Still, this book contains some interesting corollaries for women to contemplate. Among them:

* "The secret to unfolding your heart's deepest bliss is to give and receive love fully, with or without a man. . . . You can learn to open your body as if it were a big heart, vulnerable and full of love's radiant life-force. And it is this disposition of openhearted radiance that will gift the world as well as attract and keep a man capable of actually meeting your heart's deepest desire."

* "Whether you are alone or in relationship, your spiritual and sexual bliss require a daily allotment of whole-body pleasure and deep-heart offering, or else your joy will shrivel like an unwatered plant."

* "Deep heart yearning is not a problem to be solved but a divine pull to open as devotional surrender, as wide as all, now. . . . This capacity to offer your open love is indestructible. No amount of rejection or betrayal can destroy this offering of love.
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65 of 72 people found the following review helpful By Shelly Dax on June 19, 2006
Format: Paperback
My hubbie and I took turns reading this book and Deida's "Way of the Superior Man' out loud with each other. WOW, I literally cried as he read Deida's words because it seemed that finally someone understood what I have longed for all my life. Sure, there were things I didn't like hearing, and even disagreed with, but overall wonderful insights and leaps of growth in our relationship directly as a result of these readings.

Tho I have read many many books on the subject of love relationships--these two books are head & shoulders above any of the others.

I've never written a book review before until Deida's is that good!

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29 of 30 people found the following review helpful By Jackal on August 21, 2011
Format: Paperback
Deida has written The Way of the Superior Man for men. In my view, the current book is Deida's attempt to write a similar book for women. The book directed to men deals with life purpose as well as relationship to women. This book only deals with relationships to men. Being male, I can't say how this book resonates with the typical female. So if you are a woman, I would actually mostly look at the reviews written by other women. Having said this, here is my male perspective of the book:

I really liked The Way of the Superior Man (five stars) because it is fast paced and introduce several ideas. The current book is more like the typical self-help book; repetitive and quite unclear when it comes to the ideas. Deida often says that the man can open the woman to God. However, he is not talking about the Christian God and, in fact, it is totally unclear to me what he means with this statement. Sometimes this seems to very physical like when having sex, but most of the time it seems to be with a figurative meaning. There are a number of these ideas being repeated over and over, like the term "opening up the woman". Another term used is "connect with". I understand the vocabulary, but exactly how do you do this? Isn't the self-help books supposed to give practical advice too?

I bought the book because I wanted to learn about some of the advice given to women. You'll get some of this in the book. For instance like the woman needs to amplify her emotions so the man actually sees them. Not faking the emotions, but amplifying them.
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70 of 79 people found the following review helpful By J. Mullally VINE VOICE on January 3, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
'Superior Man' is for men, and an excellent book, but this is the companion volume for women, and gives deep insights into how a true man of integrity is able to and really wants to love the woman in his life. One woman, for this lifetime and even into the next. He writes beautifully and candidly, and each time I read it, I see more and more what I am able to share Tantrically with my partner. We have created bliss on a daily basis through skill, determination, discipline, and above all, love, and this from a man who is by no means easy to live with or love! Or who even thought he knew how to love, all his other relationships had failed so miserably.

Deida's advice about loving each other open to the divine even when 'stuff' gets in the way is one we would all do to remember. After all, what is more sublime than living and being in love-having that 24/7, 365 days a year, always, at every moment, is well worth it, so take the advice offered to heart, read his other books, Like Wild nights and Blue Truth, and get Superior Man for your guy, train and practice love, and Tantra, and be happy! It really does work! And as good as it sounds in the book, it is even better in real life!
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