Customer Reviews

Death Ring [VHS]

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

All I want to know is why Don wasn't nominated for an oscar in his huge role in this tantalyzing B movie. Don Swayze gives a great performance in Death Ring. He portrays a man who was the target of a sick human version of a safari. However, he had the courage and determination to hide in a cave for six months until the hunt for him was over. He then teamed up with a band of misfits to teach his evil hunters a lesson. The part of the evil hunter was filled with a captivating performence by B-movie veteran Jan-Michael Vincent. The performence of this all-star cast and the elequintly written script makes Death Ring a classic in its own time.

Death Ring is a bastion of the B-Movie advertising excess, and the banner states that three bells to the walls action stars will be entertaining you. Norris! McQueen! Swayze!

Mike Norris - brother of alpha arse-kicker Chuck Norris. Chad McQueen, son of tough guy Steve McQueen and Don Swayze, little brother of dirty dancer Pat.

Yep, our heroes are a collection of runners ups and never was-es, but I cannot blame the producers for trying, all things considered, they didn't try hard enough. Our heroes are a rather dull lot, mentally, physically and emotionally. Mike, our primary hero is only slightly more interesting than watching paint dry, provided of course, that it is a particularly uninteresting shade of paint, as anything beyond off white could easily steal away your attention. Mike is tough, as evidenced by his winning some form of 'stupid-prat' endurance contest. An ex-army type, he is disillusioned with the world, because the army trained him to be a killer, a merciless hand to hand, covert operations monster, and then did not provide him the opportunity to go kill some people... Couldn't they at least engage in some border war so as to provide this knuckle-head with a means of self actualization. Foreign policy be damned, the emotional needs of this ninny must be met, go invade France! Hanging with Mike is the McQueen scion, who goes by the name of Sky Lord, in that he is a great helicopter pilot. The backstory indicates that he once pulled our hero out of a covert action gone wrong. This doesn't fit in with the previous story, so it appears that our hero was sent behind lines to administer painful Dutch rubs and noogies to the enemy, rather than kill them...

Mike has a love interest, who is rich, beautiful, and cares deeply for him. We are not entirely sure why either, unless Milton Berle left him a permission for transplant in his will. She obligingly drops her top in the first ten minutes. This revelation was met with an almost Nero like indifference on my part - "Nice, not thrilling, but nice."

Enter the villains.

Jeez, I wanted these guys to win. Our chief bad-guy is none other than uber-creep Billy Drago, who is easily the most under appreciated actor in the business. Billy runs a 'Most Dangerous Game' style hunting operation, where wealthy nogoodniks hunt adequate play on a secluded island. Remind me to pick up a time-share with him some time. He is assisted by a dragon-lady henchwoman, who is easily his equal. "I don't fear you, I fear what will happen when you begin to doubt my efficiency."

Drago, noting Mike's win in the tough-but-stupid contest, has him and his main squeeze kidnapped, and subjected to a very urbane dinner in which the hunters and prey can talk. The hunters include a crazy Indian, a mad Chinese general, a psychotic lawyer, a Columbian death-squad type and a brash and brutish Texan. The Texan is around for about three minutes, and then tries to impose his own rules on the game. He is then stabbed with a fork and stomped to death by Drago. His body, with head squashed like a pumpkin at a world cup match, is carted off by the euro-skank henchbabes (Bambi and Thumper - a nice nod to the classics), with a warning to mind the floors as they have just been cleaned. Dinner resumes.

Drago is indeed in his element as the creepy villain, and his combination of sensual energy and feigned politeness is very enjoyable. He politely refuses our heroines offer of save-my-boyfriend nookie by noting that "I am not Caligula. I'm not going to do anything to you, the only reason you are here is to make him fight harder, and attack rather than run." I also like how his hunters are not provided with state of the art bang-bangs either. Their weapons (chosen randomly) are shurikens, garrote, Kukri and spear. None of this bullets at a distance garbage, killing is going to be an up-close and personal sort of thing with this lot.

Meanwhile, Sky Lord, bereft of a friend and a meaningful part in the film, investigates the disappearance as best he can, hampered by his having a brain smaller than that of a duck. Looking into an odd tattoo sported by one of the villains, he strongarms a tattoo artist into giving him a name. Chavez. Leaping like a panther towards the white pages, our boy leafs through, knowing that there cannot be that many people with the last name Chavez in the greater Los Angeles area. He is then distracted by his girlfriend, whose obvious talents are our first introduction to her. The filmmakers felt that there was a dearth of obvious talents in the movie, so they popped a couple more in our faces, just in case we had resumed watching the paint. For the record, they are indeed more interesting than the paint, smarter than the McQueen scion, and more rounded than our hero.

Leaving his girlfriend with her enhanced talents still exposed, Sky Lord tracks down some Satanists, who aren't really that bad, threatens a witch, gets captured by an Anton LaVey look-a-like, is released, and is told where Drago and company hang out.

Meanwhile, our other hero discovers a remnant from a previous hunt, who avoided being killed by carefully following Monty Python's rules for not being seen. It is the almost Swayze. Together they put the hurt on the remaining hunters and ripsaw their way towards Drago.

... Too bad really, but that is the way of the B-Movie world.

Pushing a good 15 years of great times will always have it's foundation with 1993 release of Death Ring. Sure we would've gotten along o.k without it, but surely this has been the inspiration for so so many great memories. We often discuss how tragic it would have been late that Saturday evening if we passed on Death Ring for it's lack of vavum. Imagine if we actually clicked it off during the opening while Mike Norris tears down the mountain on his Huffy earning his place as the worlds ultimate specimen. Honestly it's a scary thought. Thankfully for us that evening we decided to put our usual childhood quest for soft-core to the side to discover the true art of B at it's finest. Even Santa had to awake from his slumber on the recliner and partake in the laughs. It's what started our addiction to the beauty of movies "so bad they're good," and after 15 years (and at least 30 viewings) it leads the pack with no signs of fatigue.

For those poor souls out there who haven't experienced the ultimate action experience known as Death Ring we will give you a little synopsis to clear things up. It opens with Matt Collins (Mike Norris), yeah that's right Chuck's son, as he competes in a vigorous battle that only the toughest can complete. No matter how many mullet laden competitors attempt to get ahead they just can't surpass the glory that is Mr. Collins. Not only did his win catch the eye of his sub-par girlfriend and sleeveless denim sporting friend Skylord Harris (Chad Mcqueen), but it happened to make the local news on Death Ring island where the diabolical Danton Vachs takes some interest. He realizes Matt Collins will make the perfect contestant for his twisted game of manhunt led by the immortal Appache, Iceman, and Mr. Chen.

Once Mr. Collins and his old lady are kidnapped they arrive on Death Ring Island where they are told what the daily activities of their stay will be. Matt gets a 2 hour start to haul a** as far as he can before the crew of bloodthirsty hunters are unleashed to rain down blows upon him. Unfortunately for the hunters they don't realize Ex-Green Beret Mr. Collins is ready to drop the hammer with a homemade spear, great mud camouflage, a knights of the round table shirt, and more shoulder rolls then you can handle. Also factor in when he unites with cave dwelling John Blackwell (Don Swayze), yeah Don Swayze you read it right, to form a duo powerhouse that no band of maniacs can overcome. Once Skylord happens to find Death Ring island in his chopper all Vach's bets are off. Cause now it's officially go time!

So obviously we have a huge, most likely the worlds greatest, love for the action B masterpiece known as Death Ring. After all these viewings we've realized it's more then just a great B because it happens to also to be out favorite movie of all time. Over the years it's aged perfectly like a fine wine surpassing and childhood memories we ever had of it. When a film can be watched 15 years later and be better then the first viewing you know you've found the perfect film. Most will read this review and think we are absolutely nuts, and that's perfectly fine by us. We know what this baby means to us and promise if you are a fan of great B action you can't go wrong with Death Ring (that you can find for less then 3 bucks). Not to mention you get to see Mike Norris, Chad Mcqueen, and Don Swayze all together on the same screen! How to you beat that?

This movie was not only funny, but it was also a good action flick. I liked the part where Mike Norris's character came to the rescue of his girlfriend. I also think that it was great to see chuck norris brother in a film. I didn't know that the guy could act. I know that he helps chuck with his films but it is nice to see him come into his own.

Updated "Death Ring" is a spin-off from the 1932 classic "The Most Dangerous Game." The heart of the story is using men as prey for other men. And it's done well in "Death Ring" with Mike Norris (Delta Force III), Chad McQueen (Martial Law), Don Swayze (Shy People) and Billy Drago (The Untouchables). Drago plays a diabolical millionaire who holds a manhunt annually for profit. Norris, a survivalist, falls into the hands of Drago and becomes prey for the most vicious men alive. This is a great film to watch for action and collaboration in a grueling battle to the death. A must see.

Few knew about Patrick Zwayse's little brother Don, or Steve Mcqueen's son Chad, or Chuck Norris's son Mike. Well here they are, making their debut on the big screen, in a B-movie. Too bad, because since this film showed up in 1991 we haven't seen them again. If it is broadcast on cable go see it because these guys have famous relatives, and don't bother about the terrible script and acting.

It was a normal night, and my friend and I decied to watch the action channel to see what was on......no. This movie may be the most terrible thing to ever be filmed. I believe this is meant to be under comedy, deffintly not under action beacuse after the 100th corny line my friend and I were dying of laughter. Some examples of this classic wirting inculd; "The Iceman's melted," or "Your Mr. Chin is now Mr. Dead," AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the humanity. This movie is terrible and i would give it no stars if possible. Only watch this movie if you've had a bad day and need a good laugh.