Customer Reviews

Death Row

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

It's my own fault for not doing the proper research. I should have known better than to trust a handful of amazon.com reviews that I skimmed over. If I had ever seen those 4 words, I would have never plopped down my $5 for this really mediocre film. In all fairness, had I caught this while channel surfing I might have hung around out of morbid curiosity. But I didn't. I actually bought this turd. So, in an effort to convince myself that it has a twinge of merit and I didn't waste my money, I'm going to attempt to write an unbiased and fair review of "Death Row" (and my name is Napoleon Bonaparte).

-13 GHOSTS JUNIOR.
This feels a lot like "13 Ghosts" without the fair acting and cool house or the ok visual FX. Well, that pretty much describes anything of value from "13 Ghosts" doesn't it? As ridiculous as the story of "13 Ghosts" is, the one thing it had going for it was originality. I don't mean to imply that it's a great story, but the idea is at least unique. "Death Row" is lacking anything that could be describes as "Original". If you've ever seen a film with annoying people, brutal deaths and cruddy ghosts then you've seen this. Oh, and as an added surprise, only the virtuous survive (whatever that truly means); clever huh?

-CAN WE PLEASE HAVE CHARACTORS WE CARE ABOUT!?!?
Is it so difficult to have some likeable characters in a horror movie? Why must all the characters be so flawed or annoying that death can't come too soon? Whatever happened to actually trying to get us to worry about the characters? Well guess what; you want all these people to die, and you get a lot of them. In fact not only do we get a group of jewel thieves using the derelict old prison as a hideout, but we conveniently get a college crew, trying to make a documentary about the prison, show up without permission. High jinx and hilarity ensue, not. Not to be forgotten is Stacy Keach's performance as the former prison guard and inmate (explain to me how that ever happens). He presides over the best part of the film as he tells the story of how the prison became abandoned. We hear him tell the story while seeing what actually happened; they are rarely the same thing.

-BOO!!
What, that didn't scare you? Well neither will these ghosts. Looking as though they came straight from the "Haunted Mansion", the inmate ghosts were the worst kind of visual trickery. Basically, they looked like bad zombie actors painted over with off-the-shelf digital filters. The overall effect is a sort of Photoshop meets Casper; obviously digital and not at all scary.

-CHOICE CUTS OF MEAT AND A SHOWER SCENE.
Sorry, that shower scene is a big letdown. The hot dish is washing sewage off of herself while still mostly dressed; yea, a big turn-on. However, if there is any redemption for this film, it is in the creative kills. Some very new and messy methods of deceased-ifying people have been concocted here. Some of these scenes are just silly and implausible but I had to give credit for them even being attempted. That said; we're talking about a cumulative 15 minutes of footage that might entertain you. The rest is just awful.

-A VIRTUOUS ACT OF SELFLESSNESS.
If you're like me and hate nearly every horror film the Sci-fi channel has a hand in then this review is indeed a selfless act. For enduring this film and warning you I should be spared from the wrath of the digital ghosts and be granted reprieve from damnation that is "a Sci-fi Channel original". If you happen to bump into this on TV and have nothing more enjoyable to do, like clean your gutters, then watch it for the creative and brutal kills (though they will probably be edited out). Otherwise, steer clear of "Death Row"; it is a bad place to be.

Story........2 stars
Characters...2 stars
Gore.........3.5 stars
Originality..1.5 stars

Average 2.25 stars

Haunted Prison (Kevin van Hook, 2006)

I should know better by now than to watch Kevin van Hook movies, but van Hook is the Uwe Boll of Sci-Fi Original Movies: I just can't not watch. That said, Haunted Prison (aka Death Row), van Hook's most recent (as of this writing) release, is by far the best of his movies; could it be that he's learning from his painful earlier mistakes? (Step one: do not, under any circumstances, cast Casper van Dien in the lead role of your movie.)

This one gives us two groups descending upon an abandoned prison: first are a crew of criminals, headed by the insane Marco (Jake Busey), on the lam after a jewelry store heist gone bad. Second are a group of college kids making a documentary about the prison. The opening scene, which is the best work van Hook has ever done, is told in flashback as the college kids interview Elias (Stacy Keach), a guard who was at the prison when the riot that closed it down happened. There's an amusing dichotomy between the story he narrates and the story we actually see. Cut to the criminals getting to the prison, and the ghosts of the restless dead getting all uppity now that they have fresh blood to prey upon. Cut to the college kids getting there. The meat buffet is open, folks.

After that first scene, the movie becomes your basic supernatural slasher movie, but van Hook actually has some real actors to work with here (aside from Keach and Busey, we have General Hospital's Claire Coffey, A History of Violence's Kyle Schmid, Danny Trejo, and some others you might recognize), and they breathe life into van Hook's script, which, while still mediocre, is quite strong given the pen it came from. The wit is actually witty now and again! The ghost effects borrow a great deal from the Ther13en Ghosts remake from a few years back, but the ghost effects were one of the best things about that movie, and van Hook uses them to good effect here. This is the movie that actually makes me look forward to what Kevin van Hook is going to do next-- and that's a sentiment I thought I could never express. ** ½

This is about a group of jewel thieves who hide out at a prison, while at the same time a group of young film makers show up to film a documentary there. Little do they know the place is haunted, and the ghosts are rather bloodthirsty. Overall, I thought this was a really fun movie. The characters are excellent, with lots of personality and they're all quite likable. The action moves along at a fast pace and kept me interested. Lots of hot babes as well!

For a low budget horror movie, this one is very entertaining and a lot of fun.

A group of documentary film-makers venture into an abandoned prison, only to find themselves besieged by a group of desperate criminals. If that weren't bad enough, the place is haunted to boot! Yep, the ghosts of murdered inmates-past roam the halls, waiting for unsuspecting college kids and jewel thieves to mutilate. DEATH ROW is a goofy, rather dull spooker, with the typical victims and the ghouls who love them. Actually, there are some well-done gore fx, which are worth an extra star. However, I just didn't find this one to be all that chilling, original, or fun. The usually reliable Jake Busey (The Frighteners, Starship Troopers) was pretty lame as the main badguy, the ghostly inmates look ridiculous for the most part, and the other characters are pure wood-products. The basic story is an ancient one that's been done a zillion times before in (better) films like HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL, DEAD BIRDS, SCARECROWS, BELOW, etc., and didn't need another re-tread...

I really liked this film from start to finish. It was well written for a B horror film and the acting was very good too. I did like the story and the concept of the haunted prison including a few laughs thrown in. The special effects of the ghosts could have been done a little better, but hey this is a B horror flick and it is still a fun movie. I do recommend this movie to anyone that likes B horror flicks with a little twist to it as well.

Yes, it has a stupid premise. Yes, I wonder why the guard in the beginning chopped off his own legs to escape and not the hands of the guy holding him. Yes, the characters do nothing to endure themselves to the viewer. No, it's not terribly scary. But you know, if you're looking for something silly and entertaining (and gross), this isn't bad. The characters bicker but they don't all turn into jerks looking out for number one at the first sign of trouble. They (for the most part) attempt to stick together to try to all get out alive. The cinematography is good, the acting is decent, and the story (such as it is) moves along. If you can get it really cheap, I would recommend it.

The Sci-Fi channel had shown the moving "Death Row" which I found fun for a horror movie. I was interested in adding it to my collection, so I turned to Amazon.com (as I do for all of my DVD, CD, Books, Kindle, general items). As expected, Amazon had the movie in stock, so I immediately purchased it for my growing movie collection. Leave it to Amazon for one-stop shopping. Very pleased with my purchase.

This movie was alright, it is a ghost movie (you can actually see the ghosts) about a group of college students making a documentary of an evil abandoned prison on an isolated island. What the students don't know is that a group of runaway robbers are hiding there. When the college students and the criminals meet they must join up before they are all left for dead. There is an actual story to the movie you get into, the ghosts are actually there for a reason, not just to make a pointless movie. This movie is bloody and can get gruesome at times but it really isn't a bad movie. If you like killer ghost movies this is definately a movie for you. This movie is played on sci-fi so you can already get an idea of what kind of movie it is. The effects aren't amazing but the killing scenes are entertaining.

Now the DVD and it's extra content.

The DVD's extras are An Axe To The Grind: The Making of DEATH ROW, Liscence to Thrill (Featurette), Audio Commentary with Writer/Director, Deleted Scenes, Still Gallery, Original Production Art. I was surprised to see a movie on sci-fi have so much extra content. The DVD is great.

"Death Row" is about a gang of jewel thieves who hide out in an abandoned prison. Little do they know, the prison is haunted and it's ghost occupants are angry. As luck would have it, a group of college kids arrives, at practically the same time, to shoot a documentary about the prison. What takes place next is lots of screams, surprises, blood, gore, death, and all mixed in with some laughs and half naked women.

Jake Busey stars as the leader of the bad guys. What the rest of his crew is unaware of is that Jake can see the ghosts and that his grand dad was a former prison inmate. Jake made me laugh a few times with his takes. Sometimes I wish he was meaner than funny. Stacy Keach and Danny Trejo round up the star names. These two were not in the film enough IMO, but what they did was very good. Seeing Stacy hatch away his two legs with an ax was great.

The rest of the cast was mostly unknown actors, but they all did a very good job. I can remember times where I cringed watching other horror films and the acting was so horrible. Not so for "Death Row". Good job.

SPOILERS... Ron getting smashed up against the metal bars and turning into human spaghetti. Awesome!!! Anibal getting run through a license plate machine and coming out the other side in pieces. Nice!!! Jake and Brian's reaction to it was great as well. I could have slapped Missy when her ring hit the metal bar and alerted Jake to their presence. An embarrassed Angel asking Jasmine if she was gonna take a dump in the haunted prison bathroom. Hilarious!!! Hector getting pulled into the electric chair and getting fried was well done. Lisa and especially Jasmine were hot. The half naked shower scene was nice.

Death Row is worth purchasing for all horror fans. Definitely worth a rental at a minimum.

origanly aired on sci fi as haunted prison i liked it very mutch it had a lot of thrilles . not to scarey though.