A proven plan that breaks the conflict cycle, this book is "mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love"(John Bradshaw).
When fighting breaks out between a husband and wife, the husband's typical reaction is to withdraw, either emotionally or physically. When he does, his wife often becomes more frustrated and angry, which in turn causes the husband to withdraw even more. The fighting escalates with each subsequent outbreak. But it doesn't have to. During her fifteen years of clinical and laboratory research, couples therapist Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., has developed a proven program that breaks the conflict cycle for ninety percent of the couples who use it. She advises couples to start with a series of cool-down steps and to move on to resolution exercises that will allow them to address difficult issues and subjects in a nonadversarial manner.
Filled with easy-to-follow advice and helpful anecdotes, Turndorf's book gives couples the advice they need to calm an emotional exchange before it becomes a fight. Till Death Do Us Part offers the path to peace that all fighting couples are looking for.
Turndorf, popularly known as "Dr. Love" in her newspaper column, focuses here on improving communication skills and reducing marital conflict. Early chapters analyze the nature of conflict, including the biochemical reactions of the body to fighting, subjects that provoke continued conflict, and behavior that escalates arguments. Then, before presenting her conflict-resolution plan, Turndorf identifies childhood wounds that may be aggravating spousal conflicts and encourages readers to heal these wounds so that they may concentrate on improving their current marital problems. The final chapters introduce the author's program for conflict resolution, with an emphasis on the development of listening and negotiation skills. Notes and suggested readings follow the text, but, unfortunately, these resources are quite dated; many were published in the 1970s. Overall, this is the worst kind of self-help book: a lot of hot air without much substance. Still, it's sure to find an audience; appropriate for self-help collections in public libraries.AKay L. Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills., MD Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
"Mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love." (John Bradshaw)
Dr. Jamie Turndorf, who is popularly known as Dr. Love, is an internationally renowned relationship therapist, author, and media personality. For the past 27 years, grateful clients and audiences have benefited from her life-changing advice via television, radio, print, personal contact, and, more recently, through the internet. Dr. Turndorf is known for her keen intelligence, on-the-mark insights, wit, and tremendous warmth and caring.
Her critically acclaimed book Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step-by-Step Guide for Resolving Relationship Conflict was first published by Henry Holt in 2000. Her book has been endorsed by Dr. John Gray, NY Times # 1 best-selling author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus; John Bradshaw, NY Times # 1 best-selling author of Homecoming and creator of "inner child" healing; and Dr. John Mack, Pulitzer prize winning author and professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.
Dr. Turndorf is the first therapist in the world to identify the link between specific childhood wounds and the relationship problems we experience as adults. As Founder/Director of the Center for Emotional Communication, she has spent decades perfecting her Core Therapy method that enables people to heal the wounds that prevent them from establishing and maintaining satisfying relationships with themselves and others. Her method, as presented in Till Death Do Us Part, has created happy relationships for over 90% of married, unmarried, and gay couples who use it. Relationships with parents and children, friends, and siblings also benefit!
Dr. Turndorf holds an A.B. degree from Vassar College, an M.S.W. from Adelphi University and a Doctorate in Psychology from California Coast University.
You may have seen Dr. Turndorf on TV, heard her on the radio, or read her expert advice on WebMD, iVillage, and in magazines and newspapers worldwide.
Dr. Turndorf has appeared on CNN, Later Today, Fox Five, America's Talking, Inside Edition, VH1, and many others.
She is the creator of drlove.com, which has received up to 3 million hits per month. At her website she offers the world's first and only searchable relationship advice database and the Internet's only customized automated consultations that are tailored to the user's unique characteristics and circumstances.
This review is from: Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step-by-Step Guide for Resolving Marital Conflict (Hardcover)
This self-help book centers on Dr. Turndoff's twelve-step method to resolve marital conflict before it turns ugly, abusive, and over. The author AKA Dr. Love bases her conflict resolution methodology on research that has led her to conclude, "fighting creates a chemical imbalance in men" that leads to more aggressive and negative behavior. This book provides ways to end or at least reduce the cycle of marital warfare that spirals into divorce, hatred, and often time's leads to physical and mental abuse.
Though the steps seem obvious, it is helpful to see them written in a simple anecdotal manner that most adults can easily follow. The claim of 90% solution using this technique needs proper perspective, as the users will not have Dr. Love to personally guide them. It seems most likely that most relationships spiraling out of control need a third party arbitrator like Dr. Love to help the couple attain consensus rather than conflict. However, this book might prove beneficial to those partnerships not quite down the escalator trying to avoid the ride to marital hell.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
This review is from: Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step-by-Step Guide for Resolving Marital Conflict (Hardcover)
Most "professionals" try to make fighting acceptable in relationships and I think that is to justify their own weaknesses. This book makes a good case that fighting is indeed not healthy, but can cause massive destruction in a relationship. I've never met any couple who characterizes their relationships as "blissful" if they are frequent fighters. I admire Michael Webb, author of The RoMANtic's Guide. He is one of the few professionals who say fighting is harmful but he also gives wonderful ways to fill your relationship with love instead.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
This review is from: Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step-by-Step Guide for Resolving Marital Conflict (Hardcover)
I just finished devouring this book. Absolutely great stuff. This is the help I needed twenty years ago. Duh! Now I get it! My marriage of 30 years is over BUT maybe this can help me save a one year old relationship that has foundered due to my lack of "conflict resolution" skills. I'm going to re-read this book then do my best to apply what I've learned. (Then I'll read it again).
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
