From Debate to Dialogue : Using the Understanding Process to Transform Our Conversations [Paperback]

Deborah L., PhD., Flick (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0966367103 | ISBN-13: 978-0966367102 | Publication Date: August 13, 1998

This book provides a direct method called the "Understanding Process" for moving us from debate into dialogue about any issue, especially difficult or controversial ones. As an alternative to debate in which we seek to win or be right, when we use the Understanding Process we make an effort to understand others from within their frame of reference. We also learn ways to speak our own truths without polarizing issues, invalidating others and fostering defensiveness. A key to practicing the Understanding Process is the knowledge that understanding someone from their point of view does not necessarily mean agreeing with them. Nor does deeply understanding another perspective require that we surrender our own beliefs and values.

Replete with examples and case studies that illustrate the transforming potential of the Understanding Process approach to dialogue, this book shows how we can: * Convert conflict into understanding, * Increase our confidence and competence in dealing with difficult situations, * Improve relationships at work and home, * Enhance respectfulness and civility in our public conversations without sacrificing truthfulness, * Express different points of view without becoming polarized, * Replace destructive stereotyping of each other with understanding and concern, * Listen so that positive change occurs, and * Create innovative inspired solutions.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"It's as if we all have a piece of a large jigsaw puzzle and mistake our piece for the whole puzzle. I argue and debate, trying to convince others that I have the true picture," explained one of the author's clients. "Using the Understanding Process helps me to see that my piece is both valid and limited. When I get curious and inquire about the other puzzle pieces, other people's perspectives, I see a new, fuller picture." His analogy provides a useful visual summary of both the instructions and intentions of Dr. Flick's From Debate to Dialogue. The "Understanding Process" allows people, even those with strong differences, to relate to each other with curiosity and respect. From Debate to Dialogue is a motivational and instructional manual designed to free us of that non-productive pattern (of win or lose debate). Its readable 150 pages, including a how-to and a question and answer chapter, make it a useful classroom and instructional resource. Diversity education programs will find that inclusion of cross-differences dialogue, using this process, can propel participants' understanding and appreciation for the impact of differences on their lives and the lives of others at a level that assures healing and supports growth. -- Carolyna Smiley-Marquez, Ph.D. The Diversity Factor

From the Publisher

From Debate to Dialogue offers a practical approach to creating meaningful dialogue in our workplaces, classrooms, communities and interpersonal relationships. In today's "Argument Culture", it's especially important to be able to transform our conversations from conflict into understanding. With this timely book, Dr. Flick outlines a simple, effective way for people to communicate across their differences in order to reach a new level of understanding and appreciation.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 160 pages
• Publisher: Orchid Pubns (August 13, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0966367103
• ISBN-13: 978-0966367102
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #921,902 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Transform heated discussions into constructive dialogue, November 14, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: From Debate to Dialogue : Using the Understanding Process to Transform Our Conversations (Paperback)

Dr. Flick has captured the essence of Debate Culture. More importantly, she offers a way to transform heated discussions into dialogues which expand knowledge, affirm relationships, and transform debate into hope. I have seen the Understanding Process in action with peers and clients and have never seen it fail to transform discussions for groups and individuals. The Understanding Process is disarmingly simple to understand, but requires focused attention and a degree of discipline to apply successfully. Anyone needing to engage in meaningful discourse would benefit from this timely book.

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars [e-mail], Dallas, TX, April 13, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: From Debate to Dialogue : Using the Understanding Process to Transform Our Conversations (Paperback)

Have you ever listened to someone only to have them ultimately say to you that you weren't really listening? What was your response? Was it something like, "Sure, I was listening!" Well, what you have found is a book that gives you a recipe for developing some skills which most of us think we have mastered. Like fish in water, we don't see that what we are surrounded by is the "stuff" to which we have become accustomed. Like fish in water, we don't recognize its hold on us until we are taken out of it and asked to try something totally different. Like fish who are taken out of the water and placed on dry land, we usually gasp at the thought of trying something different for too long. Some of us don't get it and don't see the need to change. Like fish, we just want to be placed back in the water! Dr. Flick's assertion about the fact that we have become accustomed to the "Debate Culture" is right on target. She is also correct in her assertion that if we are going to "walk a mile in another's shoes" the only way to do it is to transform our conversations using what she has called the "Understanding Process". You must read the book and practice the skill to really experience how this process can impact professional and personal conversations. I have utilized the exercise she recommends in the book during a diversity exercise in an organizational setting. I started at this point because it was my observation that the group of people that I was working with had difficulty constructively discussing the topics of race and gender. I believe that before we can have healthy constructive discussion, we have to know how to carry on dialogue that allows us to embark upon the "diversity journey". The beautiful thing about the "Understanding Process" is that Dr. Flick isn't proposing that in the dialogue your objective is to change the other person's position, she is simply proposing that this is a method that you can use to begin to appreciate and value the other person's perspective. These skills are required for us to successfully challenge our assumptions in situations requiring dialogue with other human beings. Challenging our assumptions is fundamental to acquiring new knowledge and developing critical thinking skills. I have found that we can help others to begin to develop their ability to challenge their underlying assumptions utilizing critical debate. Combining this exercise with the "Understanding Process" is a recipe that strengthens the development of skills that allow for meaningful conversations. These conversations are critical to our ability to push past the awareness building "parlor games" we have become accustomed to in our pursuit of valuing diversity within organizations. Be warned! Some executives are prone to launch into difficult diversity conversations thinking they inherently have the skills Dr. Flick recommends. I have observed that the more anxious they are to "get to the issues", the less they are willing to recognize the water in which they are swimming and the harder it becomes to convince them to learn this new method. Appropriate sponsorship and positioning are important to successfully utilizing the "Understanding Process" as a first step in pursuing deeper levels of learning regarding diversity. Practicing the skill is also important. Because the "Debate Culture" is so entrenched, a plan to carry forth learnings is imperative to changing behavior. Thank you Dr. Flick!

4.0 out of 5 stars Contains valuable ideas to improve communication., September 1, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: From Debate to Dialogue : Using the Understanding Process to Transform Our Conversations (Paperback)

This is a great book! Flick's analysis of the debate culture goes right to the heart of what's keeping us from really communicating with each other. Her suggestions for how to break away from debate to true understanding are effective and liberating.

"From Debate to Dialogue" showed me why so many discussions in meetings I have been to recently have been unfruitful. If I can get several more people in my department to read this book, I believe we could discover better solutions to the problems we are working on. And we could all get there in a much better frame of mind.

Contention and divisiveness seem to be on the increase these days, and it seems to me that Flick has developed a method to reduce them and to take a different path, both in everyday, personal communications and in technical or business discussions.