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Deceived: Facing Sexual Betrayal Lies and Secrets Paperback – February 24, 2009

4.5 out of 5 stars 36 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Claudia Black has worked in the field of addictive disorders for over thirty years. Her work is seminal to the underpinnings of the codependency and trauma field. She was a pioneer in working with children from alcoholic homes and establishing the need for treating not just the addicted person, but the entire family. Claudia's workshops, training seminars and professional consultation services are presented worldwide. Working with sex addiction specialist and pioneer Patrick Carnes for six years, Claudia expanded her work with families and facilitated groups with women whose male partners' were acting out with sexually compulsive behaviors. Deceived is Black's fourteenth book. She is best known for her book, It Will Never Happen To Me with over two million copies sold to date.  Today Claudia resides in the Pacific Northwest with her husband Jack and their two dogs, Quinn and Katie.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Hazelden (February 20, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1592856985
  • ISBN-13: 978-1592856985
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.7 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #366,011 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By R. Glackin on April 9, 2009
Format: Paperback
Claudia Black takes you on a compassionate and healing journey through the confusion, anger and self doubt which results from sexual betrayal. Through the sharing her subjects' personal strories, Claudia explains how painful and destructive sexual betrayal is to all of those involved. She explains, that the behavior and thinking of many who have multiple affairs, parallels the behaviors and thinking of an addict.

You may ask "Why do her subjects stay when they have been betrayed?" The answers are found in family of origin dynamics.

Claudia explains how the development of a stonger self comes from facing the truth about your relationship. Through the process of recovery, you learn to live in your truth as a stonger and healthier partner.
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By KC on September 21, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I cannot say enough how damaging this book is for partners of sex addicts. All it does is point fingers at the betrayed. The coaddict model is not based in the reality of the deception that occurs. It assumes knowledge of and accepting behavior on the part of the partner. This is not the case. The vast majority of sex addicts are liars and manipulators. The partners DO NOT KNOW AND DO NOT PARTICIPATE IN THE ADDICTION. Their actions do not accept our intensify the addiction. To lay the blame at their feet is destructive. Please read other books that use the trauma model. They do not blame the victim.
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Format: Paperback
This book is excellent! Finally, a book that addresses this dark issue and brings it into the light. Unfortunately, this is a problem that is becoming more commonplace and requires some guidence. Claudia is a great guide. Decieved is comprehensive, addressing every aspect of this painful situation. Claudia Black acurately captures what it is like to be "deceived" by your partner with great compassion. She will also assists in helping you understand the underlying issues that allow you to come to resolution and heal.
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If you are a woman, and feel betrayed or deceived and feel like no one will understand or knows how you feel;You need to read this book, you will not feel all alone any longer. The honesty and accuracy in which it is written just shocked and amazed me. No one wants to talk about this hurtful subject. It just helps to know you are not crazy, and not alone. Warning though; do not read in a public place! You will cry. I have a friend who has also gone through similar trials, I bought her a copy.
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By drstc on April 17, 2009
Format: Paperback
As a psychologist, I find this book immensely helpful and am recommending it to patients.
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I ordered this book after divorcing my now ex-husband for adultery. I thought it would be about recoving from sexual betrayal (adultery), as the title states. However, it is a book about sexual addiction. I would not classify my ex-husband as a sex addict after reading the entire book, so most of it was not applicable. Although it did have some content that helped me, all in all, I wish it would have something about sex addiction in the title to more clearly state what this book is mainly about.
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Because I sought out this book and author from a trusted source, I hoped that it would support my continuing recovery from betrayal and abuse. Unfortunately, the author perpetuates the destructive and dangerous perspective that all partners of sex addicts/compulsives are, by definition, co-addicts and codependent. Unlike other forms of domestic violence and abuse, partners of SACs ( the sex addict/com compulsive s are often masters of manipulation and deceit, sexual betrayal and emotional abuse) have been further traumatized by so-called experts who claim that normal responses to abuse are, just in the case of sexual/ romantic betrayal, lies, gaslighting and so on, examples of how the victim "sought" such abuse and is just as sick as the abuser. If the focus was on recovering from traumatic abuse, that would be helpful rather than the way this author approaches being a partner of a sex addict.
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Format: Paperback
I hate that I needed to read this book, but during my journey, this has been one of my most helpful resources. It addresses how women feel and what steps to take to start healing in an effective way.

My other favorite resource is "Hope after Betrayal" by Meg Wilson which helps to fill in the gaps with lots of biblical and spiritual help.
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