Customer Reviews

Decoding Love: Why It Takes Twelve Frogs to Find a Prince, and Other Revelations from the Science of Attraction

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I was surprised how much I liked this book. I was expecting some trite observations and generalizations but found something incredibly well researched, comprehensive and well written. The author clearly did mountains of research in cross disciplinary areas of cognitive psych, heuristics, evolutionary psych, anthropology and sociology with a unifying theme of how these affect our relationship decision making in ways we don't ... It's simpler, but akin to a Gladwell book in it's scope and ability to fascinate and surprise. Definite thumbs up.

Love is a many-splendored thing. It's also how we, as a species, manage to reproduce and survive. This book looks at love from the latter perspective. In that vein, it discusses love (and sex) through some very non-romantic lenses - psychology, evolutionary and otherwise; economics; game theory; physiology; non-verbal communication ...

Trees really does cover all the bases here. This topic is a particular interest of mine and I've picked up bits and pieces from all over the place. This is the first book I've come across, though, that really puts it all in one place.

If you're familiar with this stuff, it's all there - David Buss, The Red Queen, bonobos, The Paradox of Choice, oxytocin, vasopressin, Helen Fisher, waist-to-hip ratios, Frans de Waal ... you name it. At the same time, though, you'll probably also learn a thing or two.

If you're not familiar, however, you'll learn quite a lot. For example, do you know why humans have larger testicles than gorillas, but smaller ones than chimpanzees? How many years do you think being single take off your life? Why are there so few genes on the Y chromosome? To be able to attract a female, how much extra money does a man have to make per inch under 6' he is? What kind of smelly male T-shirts are women attracted to?

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you'll become something of an expert, as Trees covers just about everything. He also does so in a very lucid, engaging style - something that can't be said for all the experts. I can't really imagine a better introduction.

The only problems I had with the book were in the last few chapters. One of these is ostensibly a list of do's and don'ts. Most of these were prefaced in the rest of the book, but some of them were simply a grab bag of things he wanted to introduce and hadn't had a chance to do so yet. These were mostly of the form "A study said that x, so you'll definitely want to do x." No discussion, no debate, no counter-arguments, no nuances. Some readers might even see this as a problem for the rest of the book too.

Another thing that was a lacking was a happy ending. Believe me, a lot of this stuff is incredibly depressing. And it's not that Trees didn't have a chance to. His last chapter talks about marriage, which had a number of good things to be said for it. In particular, I was struck how happily married couples tend to idealize their partners. What a great way to end such a depressing book. I think Trees recognized this idea's potential, but he really didn't play it up as much as he could.

Decoding Love, by Andrew Trees, is mainly about the research done about attraction between two people. Throughout the book, the reader learns about the role that our subconscious plays in love and dating. Research shows that everything around us plays a role, from seeing someone for the first time, all the way to falling in love and wanting to spend the rest of our lives with that person. The book also explains that the expectations we have before hand about the person we want and should love has a lot to do with whether we become interested in someone or not.

The reviews for this book included one by Jancee Dunn--the author of But Enough About Me. She recommended this book, saying the author "takes on the subject both familiar and deeply mysterious and breaks down the science behind it in the most entertaining way imaginable." I agree with Dunn, Decoding Love captured my attention immediately, and it is very easy to read. There is not much vocabulary that is hard to understand, and the words really flow together. I have to say, though, that after a few chapters the information started to be repeated, but it was also presented with new information, which managed to keep me reading.

The appropriate audience for this book is mainly people who are beginning to enter the dating world, and those who still have yet to find the one they love, because this book goes deep into allowing our subconscious to do what it is supposed to, even though we are not aware of it. But anyone else can read this book as well in order to understand what is behind falling in love and the process it takes. The book is also just entertaining so it is a good read even if the subject itself is not interesting.

Trees uses overgeneralization when he says, "If someone fits the profile we think we are supposed to love, we may ignore how we actually feel." When he uses the word "we" he is including everyone, which is an overstatement since there are many people who don't necessarily have an idea of who they would want to love.

I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is interested in knowing how our mind works when presented with the idea of love and understand just how everything around us is important when falling in love.

Senior English Student 2011

As someone who has read countless books on why we love, how we love, and the science and psychology of attraction, I have to say that "Decoding Love" is my favorite book on this topic by far. It is truly a fabulous read for the intellectually curious and for those who have a desire to wrap their minds around a concept so complex such as "love". Know that it is not a self-help book, however, reading it and understanding the points made will inherently help one better navigate the world of attraction/love.

Aside from being particularly well-written (and humorous at times), Decoding Love is impressively thorough in its treatment of its subject. Indeed, the research is exhaustive. Trees covers everything imaginable from the love story of "love" promoted by Hollywood to the fundamental science behind WHY we are attracted to the traits and qualities that make our hearts go pitter patter to the economics of dating (people's "market value" in the dating world) to what studies of online dating sites reveal about our preferences and biases.

I have watched Andrew Trees appear on tv several times now discussing the science and psychology of attraction and I am always impressed. I am looking forward to reading whatever he publishes next!

Marni Galison, President and Founder
Sunday at Noon Matchmaking and Events
[...]

I bought this book eight months ago and have talked about it frequently ever since! I've even gifted several copies of it to friends and family, and it has become a running joke with my wife whenever we talk about something related to relationships, sex, or "love" that I saw a interesting paragraph in this book on exactly that topic.

With an approachable and humorous style that makes this book hard to put down - and fun to share with anyone nearby who'll listen - Andrew Trees delivers a compendium of research insights on the "science of attraction" from a variety of fields including evolutionary theory, economics, and psychology. And, somehow, he made it really fun to read.

There were two minor issues I had with this book:

(1) The title. While I like the catchy title - and its play on one of the most recognized stories of the "romantic myth" - the title wrongly implies this book is mostly for frustrated single women. I'm a very happily married man and father of three - and I enjoyed it a lot. I also thought how great it would be for someone of any gender to read this book in late high school or college. The book might be even *more* interesting to men than to women (although I still plan to encourage my daughters to read it ...maybe around the time they graduate from high school).

(2) Some parts of the early chapters - relating to evolution and biology - aren't for the squeamish. They're really fascinating and critical for the book - it just seemed like maybe some of these parts might have been less "shocking" to introduce further into the book after the reader's more invested.

Why did I originally pick up the book? Partly because I'm a fan of books that seek to explain what seems unexplainable. Partly because I thought it might provide insight about puzzling experiences from my own romantic history. Partly because it sounded similar to a book concept I used to hope I'd write myself. And partly it just seemed too intriguing a fusion of topics to resist - especially for the price. Remarkably, it exceeded my original expectations. Highly recommended!

...I'd have a wallet full of dollars. Seriously, "Decoding Love" will give you amazing insight into the science behind why men are the way they are, and why women are the way they are...which is extremely helpful if you ever hope to be - and stay - in a loving relationship. I've read a lot of books on dating (more that I care to admit!), and I can safely say that this one is among the very best, because it takes you out of the context of your own cultural indoctrination, stripping away the romantic prince fairy tales, and just tells it like it is, warts and all. Of course, the author does also cover the importance of our rich and complicated culture that shapes our thinking and behavior.

What's more, it's humorously written, and I appreciated how the author was able to take rather complex biological/anthropological/mathematical/economic information and present it in an entertaining, nonthreatening and positive way. And if that's not enough, the informational tidbits you'll pick up from this wonderful book will most certainly make you the life of the next party: Can you imagine the admiring glances you will receive when you inform your fellow guests that testicle size of a species is directly proportionate to the level of promiscuity among its females? Oh, the conversation you'll spark after a statement like that. And you'll make it with an air of authority, well-earned after reading this thought-provoking book. Click "Buy" now.

This is an entertaining, humorous & yet fascinating & informative book (on the important topics related to love) on the recent scientific studies/research indicating the science behind sexual attraction, love & the need to procreate. The author also covers aspects of cultural, economic & social attitudes that influence mate selection. Some aspects of scientific studies are revealing : (1) large testicles are associated with promiscousity in males, (2) sex & marriage prolongs life span of an individual by a decade! The author also dwells into the mathematical basis of finding Mrs/Mr Right (hence the subtitle "why it takes 12 frogs to find a Prince"). This is an informative & thought provoking book on the fascinating topics of Love, Sex, Sexual Attraction, Species Survival & Marriage, a highly recommended reading!

Not a dating advice book so much, but an interesting look at science. Feminists won't like it because it definitely states that a woman needs to look at her "market value" which will include looks and weight. BUT I'd rather have the truth. Also states other tips that I wouldn't have thought of, such as how being on birth control pills might not be a good idea until after you're in a committed relationship. . .

I am a Marriage and Family Therapist, and not only do I think this is the best book on dating/attraction I have ever personally read, I am enthusiastically recommending it to several of my clients. Unbelievable.

I bought this book another written along the same vein (Why He's Dating Her (Instead of You) - Why He Didn't Commit, Why He Left, and Why You're Still Hooked - 10 Ways to Be...) after my boyfriend ended our relationship to be with another woman. After I got over the initial sadness, I wanted to better understand why we make the relationship choices we do and what part of the "dance" I was getting wrong.

I LOVED this book! Talk about approaching the act of dating and getting to know each other from a perspective never explored before! As a left-brain, I appreciated the science behind the theories and I appreciated how the author posed explanations of female/male reactions to each other I hadn't even considered.

This book allowed me to take a whole new look at the choices and reactions I was putting out there and gave me hope there are better ways to attract a life-long partner.