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Defending Our Lives: Getting Away From Domestic Violence & Staying Safe Paperback – September 1, 1996


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 236 pages
  • Publisher: Anchor; First Edition Thus edition (September 1, 1996)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0385484410
  • ISBN-13: 978-0385484411
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,690,664 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

After decades of violence and months of stalking, Roberta Murphy finally left her husband. A few months later, he shot her. "To whom this may concern," he wrote in his suicide note, "I did what I had to do. No one leaves me and gets away with it, so I'm taking care of business." Since then their daughter has founded Project: Protect, a nonprofit agency aimed at helping targets of stalking and domestic violence; pushed passage of an Illinois stalking law; and talked ceaselessly about domestic abuse. Now, to coincide with National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, she has written this guide aimed at helping abused women. She offers details about pressing charges and describes a "no contact" order, an "order of protection" and stalking laws. She also explains how to protect children and, if necessary, how to leave, with details on what records to bring and how to disappear. Perhaps because her own father was a police officer, the author dwells excessively on the special problems of a police wife and how the force in blue tends to stick together. Also, her section on choosing a safe relationship, while a smart idea, is improbably bureaucratic ("Get a copy of his driver's license... run a check on his license plate number.") The writing is straightforward, and Milano makes ample use of lists?helpful for abused women who have had their self-esteem and decision-making abilities pounded into the ground. Some of the sections could use more in-depth analysis and more examples, but overall Milano has done a fine job of presenting material that will help abused women on the path to freedom. 8-city author tour.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

A witness to the destructive forces of domestic violence, Murphy-Milano is on a mission to get women out of abusive situations. To this end, she details the signs of physical and emotional abuse, the patterns that signal problems, and the reasons women sometimes stay in such relationships. A pro-active work, the book doesn't simply provide women with the knowledge to recognize these harmful situations, it tries to give them the ability to separate themselves from their abusers. Pragmatic advice is given on leaving an abusive partner, from the mental preparations required to what financial records one should take to toll-free numbers for rental cars and hotel rooms. Murphy-Milano also tackles the legal system, including what rights a woman has once the police are called, plus ways to later use the courts for protection. With 8 to 10 women dying every day from domestic violence, this information is extremely necessary. Brian McCombie

More About the Author

As an expert in the area of intimate partner violence and the prevention of homicide, Susan has created specific tools and procedures which the abused need to safely leave a violent relationship.

Her books, "Defending Our Lives", "Moving Out, Moving On" and Time's Up, are considered the "bibles" of how to make the move away from abuse and deal with the many confusing situations surrounding violence prevention, stalking, break-up or divorce.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.

Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth http://www.therothshow.com/

Susan witnessed her father, a decorated Chicago Violent crimes Detective, brutally and violently attack her mother repeatedly. The words "if you leave I will kill you," turned into reality the night Susan walked into her childhood home and found her mother murdered and her father in the next room dead from a self-inflicted gun-shot wound to the head. Susan vowed then, and has, since the murder-suicide of her parents, carved out a road making changes in the way the world looks at violence in and outside the home.

Her books and strategies are taught world-wide and used by law enforcement, domestic abuse advocates, social workers, attorneys, health care workers, human resource departments and domestic violence agencies. The comprehensive strategies and escape plans utilized by Susan have been successful and tested by time for over 20 years.

Susan uses humor, passion, and all her years of experience to motivate her audience to become more effective first responders, advocates and professionals in their work to stop family violence.

Susan's quest for justice was instrumental in the passage of the Illinois Stalking Law and the Lauternberg Act. She has been prominently featured in newspapers, magazines, radio and television including: The Oprah Winfrey Show, A & E Biography, Larry King Radio, ABC'S 20/20, Justice Files, E-True Hollywood, CNN, Sunday Today Show Profile, Women's Day, Family Circle, US News and World Report to name only a few. She has frequently participated in guest media commentary panels on major news programs. She is a contributor to the online blogs Women in Crime Ink and the crime victims rights blog Time's Up.

Susan Murphy-Milano is the author of "Defending Our Lives" published by Doubleday books and "Moving Out Moving On" when a relationship goes wrong. Her newest book, "Time's Up" A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships, is available on-line and in bookstores. Susan is host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show and will be participating in the new television show, "Crime Wire" which will examine cases in which the investigations have left questions unanswered and possible criminal activity unexposed. Her Website is www.susanmurphymilano.com

TAGS: Stalking, Self-Help, Domestic Violence, Mental Health, Intimate Partner, Family Courts, Tracking and Safety, Prevention and Plan,

Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on January 5, 1999
Format: Paperback
The author's own tragic story of how her father terrorized the family brings the reader into understanding that the inforamtion provided in this book was written to safe lives. This book is a basic roadmap to safety. It provides legal direction and how to best use the syste, where ever you live. This book saved my daughter and my granchildren's lives. And the author personally assisted us with our road map to safety. This book should be at every high school library and college across the country!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Nicki on March 4, 2002
Format: Paperback
I am currently in the process of ending my abusive relationship.
This book has been a tremendous guide in understanding what my rights are as an abuse victim and how to best use the court system. I found the "Escape Chapter" very helpful in preparing to start my new life without my abuser being able to locate me.
There is great comfort as I read this book knowing that someone out there has put together information that will make me and my children and other family members safe!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Jesse Benton, CA on March 19, 2009
Format: Paperback
I am an expert of The Battered Women's Sydrome
& Defense.
There are women wrongly incarcerated across America'
for defending their own lives and the lives of their
children against a domestic abuser.
Defending Our Lives brings light to the issue of "Stalking"
and the Battered Women's Syndrome. Why women do not run,
and what happens if they do.
This book is now a part of a college course within the
women's prison in CA. An to educate the Parole Board
on what happens to battered women. How to get away from an abuser
and not loosing your own life....is important.
Susan Murphy-Milano has done a great job.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I think this book was very informative in letting women know how to keep themselves safe from domestic violence. Was very detailed as to the places to go or call for help if you are in serious danger. I would recommend that all women that are in a potentially abusive relationship to read this book so they can know what to do and not feel helpless.
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