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on November 21, 2011
Whenever I need to breezily inflict discipline on unruly citizens, I know I can trust Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray to get the job done! The power of reason is no match for Defense Technology's superior repression power. When I reach for my can of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, I know that even the mighty First Amendment doesn't stand a chance against its many scovil units of civil rights suppression.

When I feel threatened by students, no matter how unarmed, peaceful and seated they may be, I know that Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray has got my back as I casually spray away at point blank range.

It really is the Cadillac of citizen repression technology.

Buy a whole case!
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103103 comments6,070 of 6,205 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on November 22, 2011
I casually used this product to try to disperse a small band of non-violent campers who had locked their arms together. Although initially it seemed to be effective, it took two applications! The worst part is that the next day they multiplied exponentially! Now what?

One positive outcome, I did receive a paid vacation for my efforts.
66 comments2,438 of 2,538 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on November 21, 2011
First, this baby has everything you would expect from Defense Technology brand pepper spray. It burns like hell. Whether you're spraying directly into eyes or mouths - this will cause excruciating pain.

Second, and I know it's not explicitly listed as one the uses on the can, but it's also an amazing human arm de-linker. So if you have this gigantic public space and a dozen people are sitting there with their arms linked - this will really help in your effort to de-link those arms.

I bought four canisters along with this head-smasher thingy: [...]
Don't think, just buy it and spray.
33 comments1,484 of 1,546 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on November 22, 2011
Despite Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly's assurance that this harmless vegetable mist is a "food product", I found it wholly unsuitable for eating. It caused an extraordinarily painful burning sensation in the mucous membranes of my upper respiratory tract and the tissue surrounding my eyes, resulting temporary blindness which lasted from 15-30 minutes, inflammation of the skin which lasted from 45 to 60 minutes, and upper body spasms which forced me to bend forward in fits of uncontrollable coughing that made it difficult to breathe or speak for between 3 and 15 minutes. While there are many pleasurable ways to ingest fruits of the genus Capsicum, a nice New Mexico-style green Chile sauce on a stuffed sopaipilla for example, I found this product unsatisfactory.
1717 comments1,254 of 1,312 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on November 22, 2011
I saw Megyn Kelly on Fox News say that this was a food product, so I went ahead and bought it to use as a condiment. I find that if you have a vermouth spritzer like Martha Stewart's, you can just spray it in the bottom of a glass before you mix your other ingredients for your Bloody Mary. It was a good deal hotter than Dave's Insanity Sauce, which is also a fine choice. I was still coughing up blood four hours after I finished my Bloody Mary. Also works great for getting peaceful students off your lawn.
66 comments353 of 367 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on November 22, 2011
At Megyn Kelly's suggestion. I now use Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray on all my cuisine that needs a little extra kick -- seafood, pasta, and pizza all get the UC Davis treatment at my house. The bloody Mary's are just amazing. I can't wait for this year's Christmas party!

And don't start any of that liberal whining about the Right to Assemble or protest peacefully. No one gave those scrambled eggs the right to assemble on my plate. The Constitution is for sissies, except for the Second Amendment, which should be followed to the letter.
44 comments545 of 571 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on November 22, 2011
Convenient, portable vegetable dispensing system. Schools, church suppers, family reunions. If it gets too hot, just wash it down with a waterboarding session.
0Comment260 of 269 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on November 21, 2011
I know the first thing you thought when you saw the red canister: That's girly. This isn't the fire department, ladies.

Bro: it's okay. You want your targets to see this coming! They will raise their sumbissive hands to protect their nasal and ocular cavities. LOL. Citizens won't know what hit them. Thanks to the next generation irritants in this product, you will only impregnate their fingers with a fiery blend of liquid hell. Be persistent. Take them down. A half hour later they will be touching their eyes and noses and feeling the burn AGAIN! See you next time!

This is space age domination technology. Works on citizens. AND ALIENS!!

After a long day of citizen suppression you'll be ready to kick back and knock out a few reps of icy cold 12 oz. Coors Light curls. When you're out in the rain with your buds, you need something nice to look forward to. Tasting the rockies. What better prep than holding up a pair of 12 oz. 56895 MK-9 streamers!

Your ability to stand for hours at a time is one of the reasons that you are special. You are mentally tough enough to serve your leadership and deliver the citizen suppression that will keep us safe. Everyone at Defense Technology salutes your service. You were probably trained to keep your cool and administer suppressive justice with a calm professionalism. With the Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 stream, that approach is antiquated. The days of the steely cool tough guy are over. Get angry! Let it out! Squirt 'em down! Shake out the sillies!
55 comments731 of 769 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on November 22, 2011
I was thrilled when my police force ordered what I thought was a powerful, non-lethal force. However, after recently watching Fox News I was dismayed to found out this industrial strength tear gas is just a food product, essentially. Also, we've recently come to find out that water cannons are super-soakers, essentially, and German Shepard K9 units are family pets, essentially.
1111 comments583 of 612 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse
on November 22, 2011
At the college I work at there's this huge problem with students expressing their opinions. We thought this spray would put a stop to it, but it while it caused some discomfort and medical problems it hasn't silenced them. It looks like we're going to have to go back to plan A -- making college so expensive no one can come to begin with. It's a shame too, because we spent more on this spray than we pay most of our faculty.
22 comments442 of 463 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNoReport abuse

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