Customer Reviews

From Defiance to Cooperation: Real Solutions for Transforming the Angry, Defiant, Discouraged Child

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

This book helped me achieve one major goal: my attitude shifted after I read it. If you're considering buying this book, you've probably reached the point of despair -- even hopelessness -- as I had. I was at the end of my rope emotionally. This book reminded me that what my child needs most is my understanding, support and unconditional love. It sounds simple, but when you're a stay-at-home mom taking care of a defiant 4-year-old, you can't be reminded enough that your child is not "out to get you" or behaving this way to drive you crazy. Your child is a child. This book treats children like the innocent little being they are. Dr. Taylor never uses negative language or terminology when describing the child's behavior. I had a new attitude and a renewed sense of purpose immediately upon reading this book. Dr. Taylor provides lists of easy-to-remember steps to take when dealing with an oppositional or defiant child. I began implementing his philosophy right away -- what these kids want is a verbal debate, so don't enter into one to begin with. The very first day, my son tried to get my goat by kicking a pumpkin we had just purchased, and when I said nothing, he said to me "I thought that would make you mad." I simply said, "Nope. I'm not mad at all. It's your pumpkin; if you kick it and it breaks you will no longer have it." For the first time in a long time, we side-stepped a verbal debate with ease. So, why didn't I give this book 5 stars? Only because I think the reading public would be better served by 2 books. Dr. Taylor tries to address parents of teens as well as toddlers, so I skipped over some sections that didn't apply to my son. I would love to read a book by Dr. Taylor that just focusses on toddler (mis)behavior, but I'm extremely glad to have read this one.

I work with children that have every problem you can imagine and my own issues with one of my own children. It is always the parents that desire to have an outsider "fix" the child, feeling that it is the child who is at fault. Parents that cannot take a good close look in the mirror and embrace the messages that this book exposes and details will miss an opportunity to turn their family around, and really help themselves while helping their child. It is not about blaming but about honesty, and how to correct beliefs and patterns that may have been handed down from old generations that don't work so well in our current life-style. I found the book to be a worthwhile one among other resources to become informed and WORK on all of us.

I found that this book gave me alot of very good advice. I would recomend this book to anyone who has a child that doesn't respond well to disapline, or instructions.

As a mental health professional and former classroom teacher, as well as a parent, I do recommend this book. Taylor is an expert in this field. Although this book acknowledges parental frustration, it does not express a lot of sympathy for the struggles of parents, but is very matter of fact - quickly capturing the big picture-systemic approach to the problem. Parents may feel blamed - especially those who are sensitive to feeling shamed and thus are more comfortable seeing their children as the sole problem. But this book shows that it is not parents vs. children - no one side is to blame. This book WILL help take blame OUT of the family dynamic, helping parents and kids to work as a team against the mutual problems in their relationship. Therefore, some parents would be better off using the book as an addition to counseling.
Children are so much more than their brain chemistry. In fact, research now shows that in the nature vs. nurture debate, we now Know that nurture is the most powerful influence on the child's behavior and outcomes. This book will guide parents to the sort of nurture that will bring desired changes. If you are a parent who is courageous and loving enough to examine and change your own behavior - you can be the instrument of healing and hope for your child - and this book will help you do that.

Misleading title. I had to put this book down 1st time I picked it up. You see he told me I was the problem then proceeded to only offer solutions to fix my family. No case studies, no references to previous solutions, no suggestions from immediate help. Nope, ODD children are created by the parents. Hogwash.

I'm sick and tired of "professionals" telling me that my child isn't the one who is bringing in the problem to my family. That it's me and my misguided attempts to thwart his behavior constitute abuse.

Here's how I see it. My child needs help. We need help. We need real tools to quickly deal with his problems so we can get to the other side and start to deal with the complex issues a ODD child creates in the family. The way I see it is if you're here looking for help, your not abusive - you need support. What kind of support is it to be told from the start you're the problem. Your desperate and in need of immediate solutions. Not told to take your wife on a picnic, go to the movies or on vacation. You need suggested actions based on real life scenarios.

Don't buy this book unless you need to be told you're the problem. Which your not. It's not your fault - especially if your here looking for solutions.

The gist of this book is that if your child is defiant, it must be because you, the parent, is too controlling. Give the child what he wants and quit bugging him.

Um, no. Has this author ever spent any time with a defiant preschooler? If I didn't try to control him somewhat, he'd spend most of his life naked in front of the tv eating cookies. This book was no help at all.

The parents of my clients, loved the explanations why their child is so defiant. In addition, the solutions offered for addressing their defiant child, were practical and very realistic. I am going to use this book in my parenting group as well.