Customer Reviews

The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: The Ultimate Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed

5 star:		(28)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

In an essay from her collection Mama Makes Up Her Mind, Bailey White describes how she learned to get children to read. Teach them that they can find out really nasty, tragic things from books. Because despite what adults would like to believe, kids love that stuff. How else to explain the publishing phenomena of Goosebumps and Lemony Snicket.

Karen Gordon seems to be using a similar tactic on the teaching of sentence structure with her book, The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: A Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed. (Now, that's a title.)

In her introduction, Gordon states that she knows what "a dangerous game I'm playing" by illustrating the rules of grammar via "a menage of revolving lunatics kidnapped into this book." However, she persuades that by following their stories, we will "be beguiled into compliance with the rules, however confounding those rules may appear to be." She's right. This is absolutely the most fun I've had reading a grammar primer. The rules are written simply enough; this book's charm lies in its illustrative sentences--wonderful, gothic examples of subject and predicate, adjective and adverb, dependent and independent clauses. Sentences giving examples of a subject include:

The persona non grata was rebuked.
His huge, calm, intelligent hands wrestled with her confusion of lace.

She goes on to give examples of nouns: Person (eavesdropper, ruffian, Peter Lorre), Place (Aix-en-Provence, Omsk, Mars), and Thing (marzipan, scum, haunch); as well participles and gerunds. This is a thorough look at all the rules necessary for proper communication. The examples make for curious reading, and when the sentences are captioning the numerous classical paintings and woodcuts scattered throughout, often provoke a laugh.
Such as the simple picture of a lady's hand, with the legend "The hand that is languishing on the windowsill once was mine" (restrictive adjective clause); or the painting of the nude which illustrates the separation of independent clauses with a semi-colon and reads, "She wrapped herself up in an enigma; there was no other way to keep warm."

We need to know how to use this language we have, and use it well. And while we're relearning the proper usages, why not have fun doing it? Karen Gordon thinks we should. As the final sentence in the book states: "You must beckon the transitive vampire to your bedside and submit to his kisses thirstily."

Now that's a well-constructed sentence.

You don't get Karen Elizabeth Gordon's language books for a complete reference on the English language; there are far more comprehensive guides than these. No, you get them because you're allured, nay, *seduced* by her prose, and because she has a flair for leading you on, then looking innocently on as you stumble over your own wicked thoughts.

Gordon published her original *Transitive Vampire* in 1984, and it was a delight to read then. The newer edition, published in 1993, has only gotten better. There are more lurid examples and, of course, more of those pictures.

This isn't to say that the book is devoid of useful grammar instruction. While copy editors are unlikely to find a use for this book, almost everyone else will find something here that they weren't aware of before, whether it's the rule on number agreement or the cases of pronouns.

But the real value of Gordon's book is that it makes us actually want to read through it, and the grammar lessons seep into our ears almost by the way. Other grammar books are reference sources; this one reads more like a good novel, and is practically as hard to put down.

Gordon's cast of characters include a dour but charming gargoyle named Jean-Pierre, the lovely Alyosha, assorted bats and demons, and even the Statue of Liberty. This gothic motley trundles through the book, whispering sweet nothings about verb tenses. At times, Gordon plays the vamp: "The debutante rocks on her haunches and sucks her thumb."

That alone ought to send some to their dictionaries, eagerly looking up what haunches are, and why a scantily clad debutante might be rocking on them.

This book is a must for gothic logophiles--and anyone who isn't, might consider playing the part, if only for a night, just to read it.

My grammar stinks, so I've read a few grammar books to help me out. Most of them are okay-- they've taught me a thing or two about punctuation, syntax, and so on--but the grammar book that stand outs the most is The Deluxe Transitive Vampire. What makes it exceptionally informative and even fun to read is that the author does not attempt to teach you the rules of grammar with boring and windy explanations. Instead, she teaches them with numerous examples of grammatically correct sentences to tell you how they should be written and grammatically incorrect sentences to tell you how they should not be written. This is the most effective approach to teaching grammar. Students will quickly and effortlessly acquire a deeper understanding of grammar.

At age 54, starting to write for the first time, it seemed only natural to scour the shelves of my local purveyor of books for helpful references. Both the cover and the title of this book fairly leapt into my visual field, making it impossible to leave the vampire--or his debutante--on the shelf. Not only did it clearly answer my rather pedestrian questions about the various parts of speech, etc., it did so with gusto, elan, humor, and very clever self-defining plays on words. More importantly, Ms. Gordon's characters brought home to me WHY these various grammatical entities were essential, showing me ways to convey intent, innuendo, shadings of meaning, and so forth that have been immensely helpful.

I recommend this book to writers, writers-manque, lovers of both the English language as well as linguistics in general. Not to be missed.

I am surprised at the negativity of some of these reviews (also of the author's other book! I think some people take grammar too seriously--it is not a religion.) This book is hysterically funny as well as being factual, but i guess it is not everyone's cup o'tea, so to speak. It does offer decent grammar instruction. The examples are random and bizarre but this is no liability, in my opinion. The stranger and more creative a sentence, the more I pay attention to it. Being an English teacher of gifted children, I can tell you that if I use bizarre and amusing grammar examples, students pay attention. Although I do not use concubines and gargoyles in my grammar lessons, I am inspired to be a little more creative when providing examples for my students. I think this book can help one to write well in many ways--it helps prove that grammar can be creative and interesting. It also helps to connect grammar to actual writing in that it is extremely creative and suggests a story or a plot. It also is a welcome relief from the "drill and kill" method taught when I was a student--that did not help me one bit. I wouldn't use this book to teach my kids, but I do prefer to reference it when I am checking something--it puts a smile on my face and puts me in a good mood. When tackling something as inherently boring and conservative as grammar, that is a plus!

I hate reading about and teaching grammar; that's why I love this book. Gordon has transformed the boring rules of grammar into something unique and entertaining. My students are always pleasantly surprised when I give them Gordon's examples, and it helps all of us get through what would ordinarily be a grueling process. I think the illustrations for the example sentences are what make this book really come alive for the reader. It also helps that this book uses examples involving vampires, penguins, and hot flashes, things that we normally wouldn't expect to see in the same place. Gordon's book is also a great way to build vocabulary. Many of the words she uses are unfamiliar to the average college freshman, so I give my students extra credit vocabulary assignments from her examples. As previous reviewers have said, this book is by no means the best grammar book out there -- in some cases, a quick-reference guide may be more useful -- but it's one of the more entertaining guides.

It's a rare quality that a textbook - for that is, essentially, what Karen Elizabeth Gordon's "Deluxe Transitive Vampire" is - can actually entertain the reader as well. It's even more rare to find a book that actually makes something as dull and obtuse as English Grammar seem interesting and - dare I say it - fun?

I was introduced to this book as part of a college-level grammar class that I'd been putting off until my senior year. Although I fancy myself a decent writer, I couldn't tell anyone what a gerund was, or how to diagram a sentence, to save my life. I knew the rules of grammar intuitively, but I just didn't know what they were called. I'd be lying if I said this book taught me, but it certainly set me on the right path, and took away a good deal of the dread of looking such things up.

Illustrated liberally with a spattering of Victorian-style Gothic imagery, and incorporating semi-stories about vampires, debutantes, trolls, and tea parties, the Deluxe Transitive Vampire is a great guide to grammar, from the simplest rules about nouns and verbs to the most abtract, outlandish little "English-isms" in our language. It's a pleasure to browse through, and when you have to turn to it, it never fails to bring a chuckle (or a shudder).

Deluxe Transitive Vampire belongs on any writer's shelf, between the Stunk and White and the Thesaurus.

My Muse was very taken by this book...she positively squealed with rapture! With its wicked, witty and eccentric cast of characters, The Deluxe Transitive Vampire is the most delightful handbook of English grammar that I have ever had the pleasure of reading.

That's right. I said handbook of English grammar.

Through whimsical prose and exceptional cleverness, author Karen Elizabeth Gordon beguiles even the most stubborn grammar-hater into a happy understanding of the tricks and turns of the English language. The example sentences not only illustrate usage, but also intimate a shadowy and fanciful tale populated by dope fiends, Debutante, wolf, bat, baby vampire, mastadon, lamia, courtesan and pizza chef. Presented as the vaguest outlines of a captivating gothic narrative, these stories are less explicated than tantalizingly hinted at. The Deluxe Transitive Vampire is a feast for the imagination.

This book is a delightful introduction to the rich and varied, though often reviled, subject of grammar. It is, however, only an introduction, and Gordon does not draw as clear a distinction between formal and demotic usage as one might hope for. Even so, I venture to say only the most Procrustean of grammarians will fail to be charmed by this clever and delightful volume.

A book that describes verbs as the heartthrobs of sentences can't be all bad. With vivid imagery in grammatical examples and exhortations, one can effortlessly gobble up this book before you know it, licking your lips with verbal blood. Gordon is =thorough=, naming grammatical entities I never knew even had names (often very suggestive names, too - expletive nouns and copulative verbs. I suppose Mom was right - there =are= naughty words!)

However, I would suggest this as a start to investigating grammar and writing style. Gordon's explanations are truly bare bones; for example, she simply indicates one will be chastised for splitting infinitives, but doesn't indicate =why= splitting infinitives is seen as wrong. The reason why: 17th and 18th century grammarians decided that English grammar should be logical. Since the most logical language they knew was formal Latin, and since one couldn't split infinitives in Latin (because they are one word in that language), they decided that one shouldn't be able to split infinitives in English, either. However, "to go boldly" has a whimper of an impact compared to "to boldly go". Similarly, grammarians did away with double negatives and duplicated superlatives (native to the English language, back to the Old English) for added emphasis. Why don't =you= tell the Rolling Stones they should've sang "I Can't Get Any Satisfaction", and then you can tell Shakespeare to cut out "most" of "the most unkindest cut of all".

However, you can't go wrong with the grammatical and stylistic rules found in Gordon's Gothic grammar; it's a great place to begin, and one is entertained in the process. If one doesn't know how to work within those rules, one can't tell when it is legitimate to break them. So why don't you boldly go and get satisfaction from this book?

It must have been quite a challenge writing a book that would be predominately read by all of us stick-in-the-mud grammar teachers. I think Gordon does a great job of catching the reader's attention while teaching some very (I'm sorry but it's true) dry material. I teach it, and even I hate reading about it!

By no stretch of the imagination is this the best book on grammar out. Nor is this the best book written on the subject. I would equate it to a grammar coffee break. It's useful, but also pleasant. If you want a hyper-organized, get the answer quick reference book this is a poor choice. If, however, you want a fresh source of ideas to present to your hyperactive, low attention span, immediate gratification students you may find this quite a bit more useful that diagramming you millionth sentence.