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Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes [Kindle Edition]

Nelson Pyles
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $16.00
Kindle Price: $4.99
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Book Description


"Pyles makes it look easy. His characters come instantly alive with the cocksure verve and swagger of rock stars. Demon, Dolls, & Milkshakes is fast, hard, smart and funny."

- Daniel Knauf producer/writer/show runner NBC's DRACULA, HBO's CARNIVALE

“Delightfully gory and laugh out loud funny, Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes will keep you reading and have you reaching for a cigarette when you're done.”
- C Bryan Brown author of NECROMANCER

“The modern and plain dialogue is oddly unsettling, slyly aligning you with the worst ideas before you realize what kind of hell-ride you got on. Pyles blends friendship and hatred, betrayal and lust with demonology, necrophilia and the biggest sigh in the world into one bloody smooth shake.”
- Lydia Peever author of NIGHTFACE

"Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes was an awesome read. Excellent dialogue, excellent storyline, hilarious and really well done... Now I want a pocket-sized demon of my own, which I will call Pooky."



After years of watching horror movies, Kat Dougherty has learned one true thing about the supernatural.

Demons are dicks.

And the biggest dick of them all just showed up at her house, trapped inside an ugly six-inch doll. If there’s one thing that will piss off an unemployed, unhappy chain smoker more than anything, it’s a six-inch dick running amok in her house.

Maybe a little background first…

Kat returns home from getting creature comforts to ride out a snow storm in Pittsburgh. She has cigarettes, a milkshake, horror movies and an ugly little doll that was given to her by a friend. As she starts her first movie, the doll comes to life and begins to make demands for a new body to occupy. Being an irrational and desensitized girl, she flatly refuses. After all, what’s so scary about an ugly six inch doll?

The doll, who calls itself Stitch, tells Kat of how he came to be and where he came from; a place scarier than hell itself.

New Jersey

The demon who would become Stitch is conjured into the doll by a confused teenaged boy named Marty. Although technically this makes Marty a demon master, he has no idea of the power he has, or the kind of evil that kind of power attracts. Soon, people start dying and other demons show up, looking for Marty’s pet demon. All the while, Stitch looks for a way to transfer himself into a larger body or at least get the hell away from the kid he has to call ‘Master.’

As the body count rises and the demons circle ever closer, a creature that may or may not be the Almighty arrives to ‘fix’ everything. Which means horrible things for Stitch who finds himself stuck in the doll until he learns to be humble. An impossible task if you’re a demon like Stitch.

Kat, taking pity on the sad little doll thingy, decides to help Stitch; a decision they both seem to regret almost instantly as once again, demons and evil minions start showing up at Kat’s house looking to destroy Stitch and anyone who might be helping him.

See? Dicks. The whole supernatural lot of them.

Can Kat hold herself together to get through a day filled with demons, death, violence and extreme terror?

Only if there’s a milkshake waiting for her at the end of it. Maybe.

Product Details

  • File Size: 466 KB
  • Print Length: 253 pages
  • Publisher: Post Mortem Press (January 10, 2014)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,219,992 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars BRING ON MORE STITCH September 13, 2013
This book surprised me! The witty banter between charecters really made you feel like you knew them and the plain language made you want to know more. I hope there is a sequel. The personalities of each charecter are developed enough that I could imagine several stories and I want more.

The twists and turns keep you reading but the humorous throughout makes this read a winner! Give me more Stitch and Kat.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Wild, hilarious, and macabre: what more do you want? September 30, 2013
By Toni
After listening to a few episodes of The Wicked Library, I decided to pick this bad boy up and give it a go. This book is absurd and bizarre in all the right ways - lots of twisted, black humor to keep the pages turning and remind you that maybe it's best to keep the demons in hell and the dead...well, dead. Nelson W. Pyles brings the gore, creeps, and laughs with this one and it is well worth the read. So, before you start thinking of searching for the Necronomicon and raising a little Hell yourself, consider this novel a fair warning....
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Dude....Awesome. October 2, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
After listening to a mini marathon of "The Wicked Library", I decided to give this a read. It did not disappoint. Hell, I couldn't put it down! Plans were nixed and friends were slightly peeved, but after finishing this I can honestly say it was worth it.

The dialogue flows beautifully, the story is gripping, and the characters are quite lovable. Which may seem sort of odd to say since, well, some are demonic. It's difficult to put into words without spoiling it, so I won't. I have a feeling Mr. Pyles is going to be someone to keep an eye out for in the future!

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This Demon will leave you in Stitches January 27, 2014
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
It was British historian Sir John Dalberg-Acton who once wrote "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."
Beneath the cute title of `Demons, Dolls, & Milkshakes,' and the humorous approach to demonic fantasy, there is an underlying theme of power and corruption in Nelson W. Pyles's debut novel.
When a bullied teenager from New Jersey named Marty conjures a demonic spirit of the underworld to help him wreak vengeance upon his unsuspecting peers, he ends up getting more than he bargained for. And later, when an unsuspecting young woman in a Pittsburgh comic book shop bargains for an ugly doll, she ends up getting the discarded demon from Marty's failed conjuring.
Just like in a marriage, where you not only marry your spouse, but you also marry into your spouse's family, Marty didn't count on encountering a denizen of demons when he performed a sacred ritual to raise just one little devil and transport its essence into a rag doll named Stitch.
Demon Master Marty's goal of annihilating his classmates is soon side-tracked when his demon's demonic brother and his demonic love interest follow Stitch to the East Coast's version of hell on earth, specifically New Jersey. Marty soon realizes that both Stitch and his brother Azaziel are focused on having power over the demoness Lilith and ultimately taking over the demon god Cabal's netherworldly kingdom, while Lilith strikes back against everyone involved in the power grab, including a number of innocent human bystanders.
When Cabal enters the mix to be entertained by the back-stabbing demons, who he has purposely made emotionally unstable, poor Marty's world spirals out of control and he eventually learns the hard way that you just can't trust a demon.
Read more ›
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A fun read October 4, 2013
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I downloaded this book on my kindle and read it in one go. The pace and tone reminded me a little bit of Christopher Moore - darkly humorous and fast-moving. The kind of book you read to get yourself out of a bad mood. I laughed out loud a few times, which is always a little embarrassing when reading in public. While having a teenaged protagonist may broaden the appeal to include young adults, the author stays away from young adult fiction cliches and provides a more sophisticated narrative that will appeal to the grownup crowd.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Rivetingly Relatable Ride. October 10, 2013
By Mad Mae
Format:Kindle Edition
The most amazing part of this book, for me at least, was the relatability of the characters. Now, I may not be a unemployed, chain-smoking hot chick; nor am I a beat down, picked upon, high school angst-i-mo; nor am I a demon older than time trapped in a football-doll; but, even being vastly different from them all, I still found myself in love with the characters in this book and connected to them on a deeply sympathetic level. It's so easy for the reader to see a little bit of their own desires, needs, fears, and hopes peppered into all of the cast of characters that you can't help but feel yourself swept away in the troubles of their lives. You want to cry for them, protect them, laugh in their faces, avenge them, annnnd occasionally slap them for sighing too often (seriously... hasn't anyone ever told demons it's impolite to sigh and roll your eyes at people?)but the point it, this book makes you /feel/ it. All of it.

What's more, the level of humor has the kind of intelligent wit to it that makes you forget to feel bad for laughing at some of the situations they're in. The subtle hilarity Pyles keeps perfectly laced into every step offsets the seriously twisted darkness with such perfect balance that it never feels odd to be laughing even when you're truly terrified.

If you want a book that will keep your attention and have your emotions on a roller coaster the whole way while never once letting your mood sink to unrecoverable levels, this is definitely something you should read.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a Freaking Fun Book!
Pyle’s trademark wit and banter is at an all time high! This book is chock full of unique characters with VERY quirky and developed personalities. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Jon Towers
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
great book ! good read ! i recommend it for all horror fans !
Published 6 months ago by Jason A Corrie
4.0 out of 5 stars Sarcastic fun for all of you twisted readers.
Who wouldn't want a sarcastic little demon of their very own? Especially one who is at your beck and call, subservient to your every whim, small enough to stick in your pocket and... Read more
Published 7 months ago by Barks Book Nonsense
4.0 out of 5 stars Master your demon
I started this book while sitting down to drop a deuce, thinking I'd knock off a couple of chapters. Read more
Published 10 months ago by Bittermelon
4.0 out of 5 stars screaming horror/screaming laughter
I was first attracted to this book by the tagline: "Size doesn't matter... all demons are dicks. Read more
Published 11 months ago by William L. Nienaber
Demons, Dolls & Milkshakes is character driven and is equally horrific as it is hilarious! You will read this cover to cover in one sitting with a smile on your face the whole... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Dave
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book even if "Dark Stories" isnt your normal thing
Pyles digs into the story from a now to the past style of lay out which is refreshing. Rich character development and twists and turns
no one really saw coming. Read more
Published 13 months ago by PolishX
5.0 out of 5 stars Little Devils
What a fun and great book. This story has so much in it and the humor is top notch. I laughed during the entire story. There is action, horror, terror, and humor. Read more
Published 13 months ago by 9 levels
4.0 out of 5 stars In Stitches...
This swiftly paced comedy is inventive, engaging and gruesome. I hope to see more emotional torment from and for Stitch
Published 15 months ago by Josef Matulich
5.0 out of 5 stars A fun, powerful, funny, scary ride
Nelson W. Pyles does a great job of sucking the reader into the story and keeping you there.

Obviously, the title promises demons will be showing up at some point, and... Read more
Published 15 months ago by Dan Foytik, Host, 9th Story Podcast
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More About the Author

Nelson W Pyles is an author currently living in Pittsburgh PA. He is novelist and author of several short stories. His first novel, DEMONS DOLLS AND MILKSHAKES is available from Post Mortem Press.
Nelson is also the host of the popular podcast "The Wicked Library" available to hear for free on iTunes and
He has also begun to narrate audio books. His latest effort is FRESH CUT TALES by author Kenneth W Cain, availabloe on and as well.

For more information, please visit and you can find him on Twitter @nelsonwpyles


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