Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship [Paperback]

Gary D. Chapman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1, 2008

Countless couples today face major marital struggles. But the story doesn't have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman communicates genuine hope for every marriage--even for those with deeply rooted wounds. Chapman provides positive steps for dealing with spouses who are: Workaholics Controlling Uncommunicative Physically, verbally, or sexually abusive Unfaithful Alcoholic or drug-abusing Depressed Irresponsible

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In this expanded and updated version of his 1999 book Loving Solutions, Chapman draws on years of counseling couples with severe marital problems to argue that most marriages can be saved. Chris Fabry's smooth radio-style baritone is always easy on the ears, but his upbeat delivery strikes a false note, especially when cheerfully describing intractable spousal strife. Many of the problems (dealing with spouses who are irresponsible, abusive, depressed or addicted, for example) won't apply to everyone, and the audio format makes it difficult for listeners to skip around. A bonus of the audio version is a 15-minute telephone interview with the author on the final CD discussing his concept of love languages, his personal life and career, his Christian faith, the problems of his own early marriage and the genesis of this book. A Northfield paperback. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

From the Back Cover

When you said, "I do," you entered marriage with high hopes. You dreamed that your marriage would be supremely happy. You never intended it to be miserable.Millions of couples are struggling in desperate marriages. But the story doesn't have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman writes, "I believe that in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in their marriage."Read Desperate Marriages, the revised and updated edition of the award winning Loving Solutions, to learn how to:¿ Recognize and reject the myths that hold you captive¿ Better understand your spouse's behavior¿ Take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions¿ Make choices that can have a lasting, positive impact on you and your spouseWHAT TO DO IF YOUR SPOUSE IS...IrresponsibleA workaholicControllingUncommunicativeVerbally abusivePhysically abusiveSexually abusiveUnfaithfulAddicted to alcohol or drugsDepressed

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Northfield Publishing; New Edition edition (April 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0802475523
• ISBN-13: 978-0802475527
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #27,855 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #22 in Books > Christian Books & Bibles > Ministry & Church Leadership > Pastoral Counseling

More About the Author

Married more than 45 years to Karolyn, Dr. Gary Chapman is just the man to turn to for help on improving or healing our most important relationships. His own life experiences, plus over thirty-five years of pastoring and marriage counseling, led him to publish his first book in the Love Language series, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Millions of readers credit this continual New York Times bestseller with saving their marriages by showing them simple and practical ways to communicate their love to their partner.
Since the success of his first book, Dr. Chapman has expanded his Five Love Languages series to specifically reach out to teens, singles, men, and children (co-authored with Dr. Ross Campbell).
He is the author of numerous other books published by Moody Publishers/Northfield Publishing, including The World's Easiest Guide to Family Relationships, Anger, The Family You've Always Wanted, The Marriage You've Always Wanted, Desperate Marriages, God Speaks Your Love Language (Jan 09), Parenting Your Adult Child, and Hope for the Separated. He co-authored The Five Languages of Apology with Dr. Jennifer Thomas.
Chapman speaks to thousands of couples nationwide through his weekend marriage conferences. He hosts a nationally syndicated radio program, Love Language Minute, and a Saturday morning program, Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, that air on more than 100 stations. Dr. Chapman also serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University.
Dr. Chapman and his wife have two adult children and two grandchildren, and currently live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Good Reference, Not to Read Cover to Cover, March 13, 2009

By 

Anthony Centore Ph.D. "Anthony Centore Ph.D." (www.ThriveBoston.com (Cambridge, MA)) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship (Paperback)

Desperate Marriages:
Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship
by
Gary Chapman
Review by
Anthony J. Centore Ph.D.

* * *
After Gary Chapman wrote the International Best Seller The Five Love Languages, myriad of spinoffs were published: The Five Love Languages of Children, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, The Five Love Languages for Singles, The Heart of the Five Love Languages, The Five Languages of Apology, and The Love Languages of God; not to mention what appears to be several updated revisions of the aforementioned.

Rest assured, this book barely mentions the five love languages--keeping it to a minimum of just two pages in the first chapter, two pages in the back. Done. Finished. Life moves on. Finally.

In Desperate Marriages, Chapman promotes a philosophy he refers to as "Reality Living," of which there are six rules: (1) I am responsible for my attitude, (2) My attitude affects my actions, (3) I cannot change others, but I can influence others, (4) My emotions do NOT control my actions, (5) Admitting my imperfections does not mean I am a failure, (6) Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.

Basic Impressions:

This book is well put together. It is quality material. The reader with real marital problems and needing real information will get real information. For instance, the book speaks about divorce in chapter one--a smart move, for this is certainly on the mind of someone who is in a desperate marriage. Chapman states, "while divorce removes some pressures, it creates a host of others." Moreover, the book contains some good psychology (which any counselor reader will recognize as being of the CBT persuasion), and Chapman aptly references William Glasser (i.e., creator of Choice Theory/Reality Therapy). Chapman borrows Glasser's concepts when he states every person has a need for love, freedom, significance, and peace with God (wait, what happened to power, fun, and survival?).

After a few introductory chapters, the book employs a by-topic format, each chapter coaching the reader on how to apply the six "reality living" rules to marriage with a difficult spouse. The chapters are labeled:

* The Irresponsible Spouse
* The Workaholic Spouse
* The Controlling Spouse
* The Uncommunicative Spouse
* The Verbally Abusive Spouse
* The Physically Abusive Spouse
* The Sexually Abused/Abusive Spouse
* The Unfaithful Spouse
* The Alcoholic/Drug-abusing Spouse
* The Depressed Spouse

My feeling is mixed about the by-topic format type. On one hand, there's something for everyone; but on the other hand, at some point everyone gets left out in the cold. What I mean is, I would find it hard to recommend this book to a client without the caveat, "It's a useful book, but a lot of these chapters won't apply to you."

Bottom Line

Bottom line, if you've been looking information on the topic of troubled marriages, give Chapman's new book a read. It's a good reference, and the idea of "reality living" provides a significant philosophical foundation. And stay tuned, with any luck Desperate Marriages of Children should be out by fall.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book, January 12, 2009

By 

SW (Trinidad) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship (Paperback)

This book is very good in identifying different scenarios that could possibly exist within the desperate marriage. It was an excellent book for me because it didn't give me a blanket,generalized solution but a understanding of a variety of situations that may or may not apply to me and a great tool for handling them all. It was particularly helpful to me as I was able to see more than one issue in my marriage and practical examples of how to deal with them. The writer was able to tie into each chapter how the affected spouse should approach the situation from the angle of their personal responsibility in terms of their attitude and how to control what was within their control. Great book.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Desperate Marriages---Hope in Desperate Times, September 9, 2009

By 

L. Nash (California) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship (Paperback)

In reading Mr. Chapman's book I found honesty in facing a desperate marraige. Not only is he straight-forward, but he offers hope and answers to many of the hard questions in relationships. His words are based in Biblical concepts and if you are willing, could be the steps to mending the hurts or tears in your marriage. A hard but well worth it read!