Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship (Paperback)

by Gary Chapman (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
In this expanded and updated version of his 1999 book Loving Solutions, Chapman draws on years of counseling couples with severe marital problems to argue that most marriages can be saved. Chris Fabry's smooth radio-style baritone is always easy on the ears, but his upbeat delivery strikes a false note, especially when cheerfully describing intractable spousal strife. Many of the problems (dealing with spouses who are irresponsible, abusive, depressed or addicted, for example) won't apply to everyone, and the audio format makes it difficult for listeners to skip around. A bonus of the audio version is a 15-minute telephone interview with the author on the final CD discussing his concept of love languages, his personal life and career, his Christian faith, the problems of his own early marriage and the genesis of this book. A Northfield paperback. (Feb.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

Product Description

Countless couple today face major marital struggles. Dr. Gary Chapman communicates genuine hope for every marriage- even for those with deeply rooted wounds. Chapman provides positive steps for dealing with spouses who are:

• Workaholics
• Controlling
• Uncommunicative
• Physically, verbally, or sexually abusive
• Unfaithful
• Alcoholic or drug-abusing
• Depressed
• Irresponsible

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Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Northfield Publishing (April 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0802475523
• ISBN-13: 978-0802475527
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #11,894 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

  #6 in	Books > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Ministry & Church Leadership > Pastoral Counseling
  #56 in	Books > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > Relationships > Marriage
  #82 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Marriage

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Good Reference, Not to Read Cover to Cover, March 13, 2009

By	Anthony Centore Ph.D. "Anthony Centore Ph.D." (www.ThriveBoston.com (Cambridge, MA)) - See all my reviews

Desperate Marriages:
Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship
by
Gary Chapman
Review by
Anthony J. Centore Ph.D.

* * *
After Gary Chapman wrote the International Best Seller The Five Love Languages, myriad of spinoffs were published: The Five Love Languages of Children, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, The Five Love Languages for Singles, The Heart of the Five Love Languages, The Five Languages of Apology, and The Love Languages of God; not to mention what appears to be several updated revisions of the aforementioned.

Rest assured, this book barely mentions the five love languages--keeping it to a minimum of just two pages in the first chapter, two pages in the back. Done. Finished. Life moves on. Finally.

In Desperate Marriages, Chapman promotes a philosophy he refers to as "Reality Living," of which there are six rules: (1) I am responsible for my attitude, (2) My attitude affects my actions, (3) I cannot change others, but I can influence others, (4) My emotions do NOT control my actions, (5) Admitting my imperfections does not mean I am a failure, (6) Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.

Basic Impressions:

This book is well put together. It is quality material. The reader with real marital problems and needing real information will get real information. For instance, the book speaks about divorce in chapter one--a smart move, for this is certainly on the mind of someone who is in a desperate marriage. Chapman states, "while divorce removes some pressures, it creates a host of others." Moreover, the book contains some good psychology (which any counselor reader will recognize as being of the CBT persuasion), and Chapman aptly references William Glasser (i.e., creator of Choice Theory/Reality Therapy). Chapman borrows Glasser's concepts when he states every person has a need for love, freedom, significance, and peace with God (wait, what happened to power, fun, and survival?).

After a few introductory chapters, the book employs a by-topic format, each chapter coaching the reader on how to apply the six "reality living" rules to marriage with a difficult spouse. The chapters are labeled:

* The Irresponsible Spouse
* The Workaholic Spouse
* The Controlling Spouse
* The Uncommunicative Spouse
* The Verbally Abusive Spouse
* The Physically Abusive Spouse
* The Sexually Abused/Abusive Spouse
* The Unfaithful Spouse
* The Alcoholic/Drug-abusing Spouse
* The Depressed Spouse

My feeling is mixed about the by-topic format type. On one hand, there's something for everyone; but on the other hand, at some point everyone gets left out in the cold. What I mean is, I would find it hard to recommend this book to a client without the caveat, "It's a useful book, but a lot of these chapters won't apply to you."

Bottom Line

Bottom line, if you've been looking information on the topic of troubled marriages, give Chapman's new book a read. It's a good reference, and the idea of "reality living" provides a significant philosophical foundation. And stay tuned, with any luck Desperate Marriages of Children should be out by fall.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book, January 12, 2009

By	SW (Trinidad) - See all my reviews

This book is very good in identifying different scenarios that could possibly exist within the desperate marriage. It was an excellent book for me because it didn't give me a blanket,generalized solution but a understanding of a variety of situations that may or may not apply to me and a great tool for handling them all. It was particularly helpful to me as I was able to see more than one issue in my marriage and practical examples of how to deal with them. The writer was able to tie into each chapter how the affected spouse should approach the situation from the angle of their personal responsibility in terms of their attitude and how to control what was within their control. Great book.