Customer Reviews

Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
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Desperate Marriages:
Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship
by
Gary Chapman
Review by
Anthony J. Centore Ph.D.

* * *
After Gary Chapman wrote the International Best Seller The Five Love Languages, myriad of spinoffs were published: The Five Love Languages of Children, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, The Five Love Languages for Singles, The Heart of the Five Love Languages, The Five Languages of Apology, and The Love Languages of God; not to mention what appears to be several updated revisions of the aforementioned.

Rest assured, this book barely mentions the five love languages--keeping it to a minimum of just two pages in the first chapter, two pages in the back. Done. Finished. Life moves on. Finally.

In Desperate Marriages, Chapman promotes a philosophy he refers to as "Reality Living," of which there are six rules: (1) I am responsible for my attitude, (2) My attitude affects my actions, (3) I cannot change others, but I can influence others, (4) My emotions do NOT control my actions, (5) Admitting my imperfections does not mean I am a failure, (6) Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.

Basic Impressions:

This book is well put together. It is quality material. The reader with real marital problems and needing real information will get real information. For instance, the book speaks about divorce in chapter one--a smart move, for this is certainly on the mind of someone who is in a desperate marriage. Chapman states, "while divorce removes some pressures, it creates a host of others." Moreover, the book contains some good psychology (which any counselor reader will recognize as being of the CBT persuasion), and Chapman aptly references William Glasser (i.e., creator of Choice Theory/Reality Therapy). Chapman borrows Glasser's concepts when he states every person has a need for love, freedom, significance, and peace with God (wait, what happened to power, fun, and survival?).

After a few introductory chapters, the book employs a by-topic format, each chapter coaching the reader on how to apply the six "reality living" rules to marriage with a difficult spouse. The chapters are labeled:

* The Irresponsible Spouse
* The Workaholic Spouse
* The Controlling Spouse
* The Uncommunicative Spouse
* The Verbally Abusive Spouse
* The Physically Abusive Spouse
* The Sexually Abused/Abusive Spouse
* The Unfaithful Spouse
* The Alcoholic/Drug-abusing Spouse
* The Depressed Spouse

My feeling is mixed about the by-topic format type. On one hand, there's something for everyone; but on the other hand, at some point everyone gets left out in the cold. What I mean is, I would find it hard to recommend this book to a client without the caveat, "It's a useful book, but a lot of these chapters won't apply to you."

Bottom Line

Bottom line, if you've been looking information on the topic of troubled marriages, give Chapman's new book a read. It's a good reference, and the idea of "reality living" provides a significant philosophical foundation. And stay tuned, with any luck Desperate Marriages of Children should be out by fall.

This book is very good in identifying different scenarios that could possibly exist within the desperate marriage. It was an excellent book for me because it didn't give me a blanket,generalized solution but a understanding of a variety of situations that may or may not apply to me and a great tool for handling them all. It was particularly helpful to me as I was able to see more than one issue in my marriage and practical examples of how to deal with them. The writer was able to tie into each chapter how the affected spouse should approach the situation from the angle of their personal responsibility in terms of their attitude and how to control what was within their control. Great book.

In reading Mr. Chapman's book I found honesty in facing a desperate marraige. Not only is he straight-forward, but he offers hope and answers to many of the hard questions in relationships. His words are based in Biblical concepts and if you are willing, could be the steps to mending the hurts or tears in your marriage. A hard but well worth it read!

I really love Gary Chapman. This book did help me through some really hard times. It was not going through exactly what the woman in the book were but I was able to see how it could be even worse. I was able to see if they were able to get through their marriage then I should be able to get through mine. We are now doing better and moving forward to healing.

This book gives you encouragement affirming that you are "not alone" in your situation. There is NO hopeless situation when we allow God to do His work in us. I want to thank Dr. Gary Chapman for His good work, which I know he gives glory to God for.

Gary Chapman has skillfully written about the desperation couple's can encounter in the journey of marriage. In his book, "Desperate Marriages", Chapman offers real hope through his insights, suggestions and Christian truths about marriage. This book is valuable for every counselor and for every couple struggling in their marriage.

The book was easy to read. I did not particularly like the book and did not find it helpful. I think other people though may find the book helpful.

If only we all would seek the others needs and be more understanding to others.

I think it was an informative book however 'The Five Love Lanuages' is still my favorite by this author

This book is very insightful and shares personal experiences and situations. I would recommend this book to any married couple.