Customer Reviews

Desperate Pastors' Wives (Secrets from Lulu's Cafe Series #1)

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Four women, each from a different denomination, meet secretly, forty miles from their hometown for a monthly lunch. Here they can talk about the things they can't tell the people in their churches. After all, pastor's wives are expeceted to be pious, conservative, self-sacrificing, and available to take on the jobs no one else wants. Most of all, they are expected to be invisible. And heaven help them if they forget to smile and speak to every member of the congregation. These women need a break.

They don't have close friends in their own churches, because pastor's wives can't play favorites, so the monthly luncheons are an island of sanity for them. In addition, they have personal problems they share with each other. Jennifer is desperate to have a baby. Felicia thinks another woman is after her husband. Lisa's husband is married to his church, with no time for her, and Mimi is trying to prove her worth by being everything to everyone.

The women use some very unorthodox methods to solve their problems, proving that God really does move in mysterious ways. In Desperate Pastor's Wives, Ginger Kolbaba and Christy Scannel have woven humor and faith into an engaging story, one I really enjoyed. The next time you go to church, give your pastor's wife a hug and tell her how much you appreciate her. Be prepared to catch her if she keels over in shock, but when she recovers she'll thank you.

Not even pastors' wives are perfect. But for Jennifer, Mimi, Lisa and Felicia--it sure feels like they are expected to be. So when they start meeting in secret at Lulu's Cafe forty miles from town to share in each other's lives, you might expect "a little desperation."

Jennifer is desperate for a baby, the only thing she ever asks God for and His apparent "no" leaves her desperate for faith. Mimi is successful at everything she puts her hands to, but outward perfection leaves her desperate for inward peace. Lisa has taken the backseat to her husband's ministry and is desperate for love. And Felicia never signed up to be the dutiful pastor's wife, but her husband's church thinks they got a two-for-one. Juggling church, family and career leaves her desperate for fulfillment.

I positively burned through this book because it was so enjoyable. I think most women feel like their lives are on display for the world to criticize, but few like pastors' wives, where a sink full of dirty dishes is more than homemaking ability, but possibly a spiritual failing.

Whether you are a pastor's wife, know one (or three), or just a disillusioned woman, you will find something to enjoy about this book. I could relate to many of the feelings expressed by each woman. I could relate to knowing (and dodging) the "villain" perfect pastor's wife and her catty antics. And though I can't relate to being a pastor's wife, it gave me even more insight into their lives in the fishbowl...which seem to be mine multiplied.

Armchair Interview says: Grab this book; you'll be glad you did.

For more than two decades, we've traveled all over the world to speak at retreats and seminars for pastors and their spouses (yes, some pastors are women!). Earlier this year we were in central Europe (Bulgaria, Romania) speaking to pastors and spouses from that region.

After listening to pastor's wives for 20 years, we can tell you that Ginger Kolbaba writes with accuracy and understanding about how many of these women think, feel, and react. Many pastors' wives work outside the home. Many are also busy raising young children. Many serve various roles in the church and congregation while doing all the above.

Will everyone like this book? Maybe not --- but anyone can learn from it. If what you learn is how to love and appreciate the woman who lives in your parsonage (whether she's the pastor, or the pastor's wife) then this book is well worth reading.

Ginger Kolbaba is an engaging writer, always interesting to read. Here she turns her attention to pastors' wives. It's time somebody did!

Dr. David & Lisa Frisbie

The Center for Marriage & Family Studies

Authors of: Raising Great Kids on Your Own: A Guide and Companion for Every Single Parent

Jennifer needs faith, Felicia needs fulfillment, Lisa needs love, and Mimi needs peace. The stress and pressure of being pastors' wives has driven these four women, all from different denominational and family backgrounds, to form a supportive fellowship where they can freely vent their frustrations and encourage one another. Every other week they "escape" to LuLu's Café, forty miles from their hometown, to secretly share their stories and seek a brief respite from living in the ministry "fishbowl."

I'm a bit torn about how to approach this review as I'm single and not a pastor's wife (or even a pastor's kid, for that matter), so the question of how I can relate to the characters in this novel arises. However I think a good story that focuses on women's identity issues and struggles will ideally allow women from all walks of life to identify with the protagonists in some form or fashion (Sharon Hink's The Secret Life of Becky Miller is an excellent example of a "mom lit" book that succeeds in making the heroine a true "everywoman").

DPW is a light, fast-paced lit novel that attempts to be everything to everyone, and in doing so overreaches just a bit. Each of the four pastors' wives profiled are basically one-issue women, which leaves them feeling a bit flat, like cardboard cut-out characters. Being "types" allows the authors provide a nice "peek" into Jennifer, Mimi, Lisa, and Felicia's lives, but I was left wanting more in-depth story and character development. I think DPW could have been more effective if it involved perhaps only two women instead of four. With four main characters, the scope of the novel was too broad for me leaving the character development was rather shallow (due to each woman being overwhelmingly identified by her "one" big issue). Also, more "showing" instead of "telling" would help tighten the novel's prose -- i.e., instead of summarizing a character's prayer or conversation ("telling"), let the readers actually see or hear the action as it occurs ("showing").

What DPW does right is its representation of the crucial role friendships play in the lives of women. The short chapters, which alternate back-and-forth between each woman's point-of-view, make this a fast-paced, quick read. Kolbaba and Scannell have succeeded in identifying a niche market, pastors' wives, that I haven't really seen explored in Christian fiction (thus far, anyway). DPW is a fairly engaging, though occasionally predictable, novel that gives a glossy account of average women attempting to balance faith, family, work, and others' expectations while remaining sane. The raw material's there, and one hopes that with a bit more polish future novels chronicling the lives of Jennifer, Felicia, Lisa, and Mimi will give readers an even more in-depth, well-rounded, and fulfilling look at the "secret" lives of pastors' wives.

This is an interesting book to review. There is, first off, the book itself. The writing is pretty typical of Christian Fiction. Fluffy with moments of complete clarity and spiritual insight. Those moments make it very worth the read. Then, there is the subject matter - Pastors' Wives. Being a youth minister's wife, I found myself sometimes relating. Other times, I felt that the portrayal wasn't very realistic. But, perhaps it is because my husband isn't a "Senior" pastor and we no longer live in a small town.

There were times when I almost rolled my eyes. For instance...

(stop here if you do not want to know parts of the story)

Felicia's husband was spending so much one-on-one time with Nancy Borden. Really? Ministry-wise, what an idiot. And, the younger kids seemed much older than their years. The three year old son did things and spoke like he was about 5 or 6. Same with the 4 year old daughter. And "Kitty Katt?" I'd give anything to have had her with a different name, for starters. And the perfect timing of Mimi puking on her? Not very believable. But, satisfying, so it's still cool. Her hidden past? Eye rolling material. The way none of the PWs stood up to her? What was that?! Does being a PW mean you have to be a doormat?

I do, in part, sympathize with the idea of not being able to be fully yourself in your church and around your church members. But, not quite to the degree they took it. For instance, Jennifer was terrified of what people thought when she missed a service. I have no idea how often our Senior Pastor's wife is at church on Sunday morning. When I miss a Sunday, no one berates me or makes odd assumptions about my personal life. I have pierced my nose and dyed my hair funky colors and the church members just laughed with me. I HAVE had people be mean. At one church, a lady actually complained because I was pregnant. I should not, in her opinion, have been around the teenagers in "that condition." *mega eye roll* Anywho... I don't know how Jennifer could have been married to her husband for 15 years and not have known anything about his first wife and their life together. That would simply not be acceptable in my marriage.

I suppose, every marriage is different. Corey and I certainly aren't perfect. Nor do we have a perfect relationship. Reading this book, I realized just how blessed I truly am. My husband always (99% of the time) puts me first. He knows how to say "no." The phone DOES ring a lot, but there are plenty of times that he turns it off, because we are having family time or "us" time. He doesn't spend time alone with other women. He doesn't expect me to be super woman. I can be as involved as I want to in the youth ministry. If I don't want to go to a meeting, then I don't. He doesn't compare me to Suzy Homemaker. He doesn't compare me to ANYONE for that matter.

This was the best passage in the book:

"...as a pastor, he's expendable. He could leave the church tomorrow, and God would find someone else to fill his role. But nobody else can or should fill his role as my husband and the father of our children."

I am blessed to have a husband who knows this without me having to tell him or remind him constantly.

So, overall, the book was pretty good. Not life-changing, but I read it for an easy-read, so I wasn't expecting C. S. Lewis or anything. It was okay. I might even read the next in the series: A Matter of Wife or Death.

This is a perfect book for a pastor's wife! I appreciated the honesty that we are not perfect, but we get through with God's help!

Desperate Pastors' Wives

By Ginger Kolbaba & Christy Scannell

Review by Roseanna White

In the life of a pastor's wife, image is everything. Her kids are expected to be well-behaved, her house immaculate, her dinners divine, and her marriage rock-solid. She should be at every church event, smile in place, and never, never burden the church with her own problems. But for four of the pastors' wives of Red River, Ohio, the expectations are getting heavy and the veneer is wearing thin. They turn to each other, and Lulu's Café in a neighboring town, to try to bring some sanity back into their respective words.

Each of the PWs has something for which she's desperate. Jennifer, trying so hard to get pregnant, is desperate for faith. Felicia, successful career woman in her own right, is desperate for fulfillment. Lisa, whose husband hasn't so much as kissed her in a year, is desperate for love, and Mimi, who is determined to be the best at everything, is desperate for peace. We get to peek into all of their lives as they face their problems and learn how to turn to God, each other, and to a few surprising places to get themselves back on track. And, of course, all along the way there's the infamous Kitty Katt, the wife of the largest church's pastor, who always goes out of her way to put the four of them down--even when it's clear she has a few mysterious problems of her own.

I have to admit that at first I was afraid the characters were going to fall into cookie-cutter molds. You know the type--the "control freak," the "infertile one," the "workaholic," and the "emotionally starved." But the authors created characters with rich dimensions and complex development that sucked me in and kept the pages turning. I especially loved how they each found help from unexpected sources; Jennifer from the priest of the Catholic church across the street, Felicia from her nosy secretary, Lisa from a ninety-year-old woman from her church, and Mimi from the woman who actually beat her in the race for president of the PTA. It managed to remind me that sometimes God speaks through those we wouldn't normally think to listen to.

Desperate Pastors' Wives is a great, entertaining read that'll make you think twice about the women you might take for granted in your church. Revealing the insecurities that plague us all, even those who'd never claim them, this book takes a deep look into the important relationships in any woman's life--her husband, her kids, her friends, and her faith. Whether or not you've personally experienced what these women are going through, you'll relate to them all and come away with a tug on your heart.

I bought this book thinking that since I had been a "Desperate pastor's Wife" at one time thinking i could identify with it and being i love mysteries-of which it stated it was-I was disapointed. It was silly and had very little of what could be called, "Mystery" about it. It was a light read for those that might like that, but I like a little more substance.

Being a pastor's wife is tough. Everyone judges you, tells you what to do, and you're always in the spotlight. You can't complain about this to anyone else because you're supposed to be a spiritual leader in the church with no problems at all. That's what it's like for Mimi, Felicia, Lisa and Jennifer. The foursome get together bi-weekly to share their problems, frustrations, stories and laughter. This is their chance to let it all out because no one else understands what life is like for them.

This book was a refreshing realistic view into the hardships of what it's like to be a pastor's wife. Reading books about members of a pastor's family are always difficult for me to read. It really irks me about the absurd expectations people place on the the pastor and his family. Why do we as church members think that the pastor's family should be perfect and that we have a right to judge every move they make? We're hypocrites. We think that because we "pay for their salary" we have the right to tell them what to do, call they up at anytime for our bidding, and pass along our advice on how to raise their family. There were several interesting revelations I discovered while reading. One was how competitive pastor's wives are with each other which was the case with Kitty. Now that was a character you love to hate. I actually enjoyed reading all her scenes because she's the type of Christian who's walking around with the plank in her eye. While I enjoyed the book, there were several things that irked me. Out of the four women, Mimi was my least favorite. Her story just doesn't make as much of a statement as the other 3. I know she was tired of having the church members constantly dictating what they could do but it didn't seem as important as the other 3 stories. And honestly I found her refusal to stop joining things rather annoying. Mark comes off as the most supportive husband in fact. Now as for the other three wives, I could understand their plights more. It's not fair for Felicia to be looked down on simply because she wants to work outside the home. The pressure put on Jennifer to have a baby is very realistic in this day and age but it's not right for church members to make her feel unworthy for not having a baby. However, the story seemed to portray Catholics as completely different from other Christians. Also I don't blame Lisa one bit for her anger towards Joel for not treating her with love and respect. I've said before, what's the point in helping others if you can't keep your own family intact? I just felt though lot of the misunderstanding and tension in the story could have been made up very easily if people would just talk to each other. It would have made for a shorter story but a lot of drama could have been avoided. Still it was an enjoyable read and I am looking forward to the rest of the books in the series.

I was preparing a presentation for pastors' wives (I'm one too), when I found an interview on the internet with the authors of this book. Their responses prompted me to buy the book. I read it in two days because I couldn't put it down. In the over-the-top style of Desperate Housewives, the book addresses some of the very real problems of being a pastor's wife in a humorous way as it follows four wives and their various problems. Any pastor's wife will recognize the truth of husbands forgetting to tell their wives about meetings at the house, the phone ringing constantly, and the unrealistic expections of church members. This is a book I'll keep.