Customer Reviews

The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern

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This is an excellent book which thoroughly addresses the signs of symptoms of the narcissistic personality. For years I used to think, "If I could only find the right words,I could explain to my husband how much his behavior is hurting me and others." Professor Brown has a deep understanding of what the experience is like for a family member. She not only addresses the behavior of the person with narcissistic behavior, but the thoughts, feelings and experience of loved ones. She gives guidelines and coping strategies to establish clear boundaries.

Pathological narcissism is a spectrum - from narcissistic traits and narcissistic transient reactions to the full blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Brown explores the grey area between NPD and narcissistic self-destructiveness and other-destruction. We can group these behaviors according to their underlying motivation. The Self-Punishing, Guilt-Purging Behaviours - these are intended to inflict punishment and to provide the punished party with a feeling of instant relief. The Extracting Behaviours - people with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. PDs interpret intimacy (not DEPENDENCE, but intimacy) as strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, death in installments. They are terrorized by it. The self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. The Default Behaviours - self-defeating behaviors are intended to preserve the past, to restore it, to protect it from the winds of change, to inertially avoid opportunities. All these behaviour patterns are described here and linked psychodynamically to pathological narcissism. Sam Vaknin, author of 'Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited'.

I really enjoyed this book. The writing is quite informative for those receiving their first introduction to this personality type. I'm a divorce attorney and have seen, and continue to see, a record number of divorces due to this personality type. Narcissists make very poor partners and the relationship becomes toxic. Those in relationships with narcissists are continually told that they are the ones causing the problem. Due to my extensive experience with these relationships I wrote a book for my clients about the toxic/narcissistic personality type and I use my divorce cases to illustrate the toxic behaviors. The book is called "Toxic Relationships, How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationship". Those who have read this book may also be interested to read about toxic/narcissistic relationships, how to live in them, and improve them.