Customer Reviews

Diary of a Cannibal (Widescreen Edition)

5 star:		(0)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(9)

 

 

I'll watching anything horror related, but this was truly painful. Terrible direction, the worst editing, an awful soundtrack and wooden acting. Save yourself! Keep browsing.

All I can say is don't rent it, don't buy it and if you're unlucky enough to be somewhere when it is being played (Train, Plane, Ship etc..) just gouge your eyes out and stick pencils in your ears.

I've been trying to think of words that describe this rubbish, please feel free to pick from any of the following !!

terrible , inexcusable, dire, tiresome, atrocious, unpardonable, awful, mind-numbing, intolerable, excruciating, unbearable, agonizing, painful, indefensible, lackluster, boring, appalling, dismal, grim, calamitous, catastrophic, disastrous, dreary, tedious

If I've missed something please feel free to drop in some other words that describe this rubbish, but shame on you if you actually sat through the film after reading this !

Really, all joking aside, don't waste your time. Ulli Lommel should not be allowed to make movies, he should not be allowed anywhere near a camera, motion or otherwise.

Heed my warning !!! You have been told !!

This was honestly the worst movie I have ever endured. By the time I made it to the 30 minute marker, I began fast forwarding. There was barely a word of dialogue, so I knew I wouldn't miss an important passage, and the movie largely consisted of the same 3 flashback scenes being played over and over and over again.
Besides, who cooks their lover's heart and vital organs on a gas grill for 45 minutes? There's a reason why people don't grill up hearts of any species, and if you left a heart on the grill for 45 minutes to go on a scooter ride, you'd probably come back to charred lump, which you'd still have to choke down because otherwise, why'd you kill him?
If I ever met director Ulli Lommel in person, I would seriously be tempted to eat his heart, just to prevent him from making another devastating failure like this one.

A guy loves a girl so much that he wants her to kill him and eat him. She does. Later she dies. The end. Don't let that description mislead you. The movie is not that exciting.

The same scene keeps playing over and over again. This is really nothing like a movie. It's more like a B-roll tape that you would screen for something good and might use 5-minutes of for a movie.

This movie feels like it will never end. It's not so bad that it's cool. It's just bad.

This is the worst movie i've seen in a long time. It's a cool idea, but everything about the finshed product just.....well, it sucks. Hard. :sigh: when will Ulli Lommel stop?

If you've had the misfortune of seeing this "movie", you know what I'm talking about. Supposedly based on a real life crime, this is the story of a couple that meets on the internet and fall in love. In order to achieve true together-ness, the boyfriend decides that that girlfriend must literally eat his heart. So, after thinking about, she decides to do just that. Later, she's arrested and severely beaten by immates who had been paid off by her boyfriend's mother. Dying in the hospital, she re-tells the who story to a pair of detectives.

There are so many problems with this movie. While the premise sounds vaguely interesting, it seems like the writers and directer simply could not flesh it out. The movie is loaded with the same shots shown two, three, or four times. Other times, there are extended scenes where the girl, after killing her boyfriend, simply does nothing but walk around or ride around town on a scooter. Maybe the filmmakers could have used the time develop the backstory and try to figure out A) Why the boyfriend would want to do this, and B) why the girlfriend would agree to it. At one point, the boyfriend simply throws out the idea of eating his heart, and when his girlfriend recoils, it suddenly dawns on him that his girlfriend must not love him. What?!?! Then, deciding that she really does love him, she agrees to the plan. Again, what?!?! I mean, I love my wife and child, but being eaten by them does not seem like the best way I can prove my love. We don't really learn anything about the backstories of these characters except that the girl's father died when she was young and that the guy's mother really loves him. In fact, we see flashbacks of the mother telling her son this and hear voiceovers from the father to his daughter, from letters he wrote her before his death from some disease. Neither of these things add anything to the story nor do they explain the motivations of the characters, unless the boyfriend took mom's "I love you so much I could eat you up" quote literally.

Another problem is the direction. The pacing is awful. The movie crawls along at a snails pace. The story is told in non-sequential flashbacks, which isn't really a good way to tell a story. Every time the audience returns to the hospital room where the girl is telling her story, the scene is shot in a blurry, shakey style which, I suppose, is supposed to mirror the girlfriend's state of mind but it really annoying to the viewer.

Lead actress Jillian Swanson is so awful it defies explanation. She shows zero emotion. She has the same expression throughout the whole movie and seems extremely uncomfortable in front of the camera. Lead actor Trevor Parsons is slightly better, but he's not good.

There is absolutely nothing to recommend about this movie. It doesn't even qualify as "so bad its good". How this movie ever got made, much less released, is a complete mystery to me. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

What a bad bad movie. The "film" has the same scenes playing over and over again and over again. The scenes are just recycled and repeated at nauseaum. The movie has barely any plot, uses some of the same sets of Zombie Nation (another horrible Lommel movie) and has pathetic and horrible acting.

The movie is about a couple who is in love. The boy wants to be with the girl forever. Seemingly he wants to create an unbreakable bond with her. Instead of marriage, he decides that she must eat his heart. Yes, psychotic, but so is the movie. Although reluctant at first, the girl later agrees. The story starts as the girl is being questioned by the police when she is in a mental institution (another "Zombie Nation" recycled set). The story is told through flashbacks as the couple get on their trailer home to a storage space to prepare for the "event".

The story attemps, yet miserably fails, to make some social commentary. The social commentary, what little there is of it, gets lost in the flimsy plot and bad acting. There is very little emotion displayed by the actors and the little there is, is forced and fake.

I fast forwarded through most of the movie. Most of the scenes are recycled and others have barely any dialogue at all. There is a lot of walking and pondering by the actors, too much of it.

In conclusion, please do not watch this movie. It is the worst waste of anyone's time. If you want to watch it just because everyone says it's so bad, stop and change your decision. It is really bad.

Here's another one of the once competent director Ulli Lommel's recent micro-budget movies. This time it's about a young couple who meet on the internet, fall in love, and the girl eats the guy. Told mostly in flashbacks, with minimum amounts of dialogue, the story would be enough for a fifteen minute short film, but Lommel somehow managed to stretch it out to feature length and needless to say, the result is an extremely slow, very boring movie with lots of scenes that add nothing to the "plot" (if there ever was one). You sit around waiting for something to happen but it never does.

Don't waste your time or money.

Believe all that you read here. This movie is TERRIBLE! The "plot" is supposed to be about a guy and a girl who fall in love. Apparently they decide it is a good idea for her to EAT the guy's heart because they are so in love. First off, WHY? They don't explain why two good looking young people would want to do this. Why does he want to be eaten? And why does she want to eat him and spend her life in jail? We never get a clear motive other than the girl's father died when she was 6 and the guy's mother is really mushy and smothering. There didn't seem to be enough there to create two people this disturbed!

The pace, the dialogue, the acting and the camera work are HORRID! They also keep showing the same scene with the making love, kissing and her tying him up and killing him. They show this OVER AND OVER AND OVER as flashbacks as she is in a hospital bed trying to explain it to detectives. They could have cut these EXTENSIVE and useless scenes down and added some backstory. The music is also the SAME annoying track over and over. The whole movie is ridiculously repetitive! Instead of watching this, why not just play a broken record for 80 minutes? That would probably be more entertaining than this film!

Every scene is drawn out and longer than it has to be. The movie is all "filler" and no meat! There are LONG lingering shots of Los Angeles, about 10 minutes of lambs being slaughtered and cut up and lots of other pointless scenes that do nothing for the story other than make it drag. They could have fit the plot into 10-15 minutes of screen time and they would have been doing us a HUGE favor! This is too terrible of a movie to be funny, it is so bad, it's just BAD! Also, nobody mentioned THE HUGE hole in the plot. She is supposedly in PRISON for murdering the guy and gets beat up by other inmates. So WHY are the detectives questioning her when she is obviously dying and they clearly had enough evidence for her to be in jail to begin with? If they already know she did it why ask her what happened? It doesn't even make sense!

The only redeeming quality is the actress who plays the main character is very pretty and we see her nude but her acting is AWFUL! True she didn't have much of a script to work with and it didn't look like she had a good director either. I think the actors needed to be pushed harder. They don't even seem like they are trying! Sadly though, I don't think this script could have been saved...that is if they even HAD an actual script! Personally, I think it looks like they filmed a bunch of silly bologna over and over then edited it together into a "movie" if you can even call it that. It is more like a documentary on how NOT to make movies! If I could rate this zero stars I would. I am sure a bunch of high school students could make a more interesting movie than this bore-fest!

First of all I didn't buy this from Amazon or one of its sellers. That was my first mistake. I could have read the customers reviews. I didn't hate it ONLY because I am a gore fan and there was a little of it (NOT MUCH) and Jillian Swanson has nice looking tits. (So much for my two stars) My second mistake was trusting Ulli Lommel. I really liked The Boogeyman but he messed this one up big time. The screenplay was horrable. Sometimes movies based on true stories just don't work. This story should have been changed where the woman was insane and killed several boy friends instead of just one. It is SO druged out. Over and over and over the same scene with her holding a knife. The religious cult idea didn't fly either. MY last mistake was NEVER trust a DVD by it's cover. Hey at least there were a couple of interesting previews from Lions Gate before the movie. Don't waste your time with this one.