Customer Reviews

Die You Zombie Bastards!

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Die You Zombie Bastards is a really dumb movie. I am a member of that group of people who truly enjoy dumb humor. There are some laugh aloud parts that I can't mention here because they would ruin the movie but trust me, they are hilarious. Don't watch this movie thinking it is a horor movie, because it's not. There is only one scene that is sort of stomach turning, the rest is pure camp. The only one that can act their way out of a paper bag is the female lead. The rest of the actors ham it up like they were sniffing helium. If you enjoyed such Troma movies as Class of Nuke 'Em High or The Killer Condom, this movie is for you. If you think those kind of movies are dumb, run, don't walk away from this one.

DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS! is all about yelling, violence, and nudity, right in line with all those troma movies(Lloyd Kaufman even manages a voice cameo). We've got a crazy serial killer couple split up by a South Park-esque super villain who plans to turn everybody into zombies. This sends our man Red on a trek all across the world(on a geographically bizarre map) to fight zombies and hear about stories of weird Bahamaian hunters and Swedish cheese demons and all sorts of great things like that.

And there's dogmen. If you love dogmen, just get this already. You can't go wrong with dogmen. Not werewolves. Dogmen. If you think the idea of dogmen isn't so great, then definitely don't buy this film.

The humor's great and never lets up, it's constantly bizarre, and there's plenty of messiness and nudity to satisfy you if that's the sort of thing you demand of your ridiculous movies.

Die You Zombie Bastards! (Caleb Emerson, 2005)

One of the late Jamie Gillis' attempts to break into the mainstream came with Night of the Zombies in 1981. It is such an unrelentingly bad movie that I find it amazing anyone ever cast him in another one. And yet, Gillis' final film role is, yes, in a zombie movie. I grant you, it's a zombedy, which is a much better fit for Gillis than the hardboiled-detective-horror-flick that was Night of the Zombies, but still, you gotta wonder. At least, you gotta wonder until you start looking farther into the cast list.

Die You Zombie Bastards! is the third installment in the ongoing tale of Red (Tim Gerstmar), a serial killer, and his lovely wife Violet (Pippi Zornoza). In this installment, an evil genius, Baron Nefarious (Geoff Mosher, who previously worked with Emerson on Toxic Avenger IV), is raising an army of the undead to do his bidding. Nefarious falls in love with Violet and kidnaps her, sending Red on a globe-trotting trip to hunt her down before Nefarious can recruit her into his army of zombies.

Now, let's get this straight: if you don't like bad movies, you need to avoid this like the plague. I mean, come on, Red wears a superhero outfit made of human skin (with added red long johns and a pair of yellow waders). Hasil Adkins makes an appearance as himself. (He died not long after filming completed, and the movie is dedicated to him.) Red finds himself in a Swedish village containing no men. Lloyd Kaufman hosts a game show called "Swap Mate". You know what you're getting into before you even start. Or you should, anyway. This is not classic cinema by any means. But surprisingly, it's actually pretty funny; the script, from Emerson and Haig Demarjian, has some solid comic timing, and while you might feel guilty laughing at some of the jokes, they'll still raise a chuckle. Surprisingly, not released by Troma (Image Entertainment nabbed this one), and with the exception of Poultrygeist, is better than anything Troma's done in decades. Check it out if you're looking for a stupid way to kill a few hours. **

A fine low budget film. You do need a little patience to get past the weird, old dude at the very beginning of the movie, but after that the film takes off. Free-wheeling creative on the loose, particularly when the film switches to black and white for a spell. Occasional nudity keeps things rolling along.

This is my favorite "B for the sake of B" film. Downright hilarious in every aspect, this movie oozes low budget goodness from start to finish.

Die You Zombie Bastards! is a lo-fi indie horror comedy with a serial killer protagonist (those two things---serial killer and protagonist---should never go hand in hand, and yet here they are!), an odd villian, zombies, dogmen, ninjas, robots, beautiful women, a fishman, a cheese demon, and one-man rockabilly singer/songwriter Hasil Adkins. Red Toole, our protagonist, goes in search of his missing wife, Violet, but not before donning his super hero outfit complete with yellow rubber boots, doo-rag, red jammies, and a cape made of human flesh. Violet has been kidnapped by a bumbling, monster-faced villian, Baron Nefarious, whose strange habits and equally bizarre sexual appetites make him a unique villian indeed. In short, Baron Nefarious has invented what he calls the Zomb-a-tron, which is a laser gun that turns people into mindless, violent zombie drones. That's just his mini Zomb-a-tron, though. His master plan is to complete the jumbo Zomb-a-tron, which will---yup, you guessed it!---turn the entire world population into mindless, violent zombie drones. For Red Toole, otherwise referred to as Redman when in super hero mode, this is an Epic journey, to be sure. He follows clues from one strange set of circumstances to the next, from a mysterious police officer that turns out to be much more to a weird Bahamian obeah man (witch doctor) in the bathtub of a Pittsburg tenement, from a land far across the ocean where only women terrorized by a Cheese Demon dwell to a ramshackle backwoods residence in Wisconsin where Hasil Adkins sits shirtless in a lawn chair, and from a fishing shack where Red learns a shocking secret to the lunacy of Baron Nefarious's hideout where Red battles fiercely to reclaim his lovely Violet. It you like b movie horror comedies or Troma films, Die You Zombie Bastards! is for you.

"Die You Zombie Bastards!" (2005) is the latest film I've seen in my Sisyphean effort to review every zombie movie ever made. "Die You Zombie Bastards!" is distributed by Troma Entertainment. For those who recognize that name, you can probably stop reading the review now. That's all you need to know. You either like Troma, or you don't. For those who don't recognize that name, movies that are made or distributed by Troma tend to be terribly written, have ridiculously fake effects, are unapologetically raunchy, and filled with gratuitous sex. If someone buys a movie with the Troma logo on it, then they should not be surprised that the movie has any or all of the qualities that I listed. "Die You Zombie Bastards!" is no disappointment. It had all of those qualities, and more. Simply put, the plot is about a serial killer who is searching for his girlfriend who was kidnapped by zombies. The zombies are under control of a giant phallused prehistoric-fish-alien-thing, Baron Nefarious. Or were the fish and the Baron two different characters? Not that the plot really matters in this movie.

Now to get down to my typical zombie review. What strain of zombie are these "Zombie Bastards"? You know that green alien lady from the classic Star Trek? That's kind-of what the Zombie girls look like...only more naked. The zombie boys are pretty much the same. People in green grease paint and wigs. They are transformed into zombies and are controlled by Baron Nefarious. The makeup is pretty bad, and the zombies are fairly harmless, so they get a meek zombie rating of 3/10.

There is a lot of gore in the movie, mostly played for comedic value. Someone went overtime with the latex and rubber cement. The "hero" wears a demented superhero outfit, with a cape made out of human flesh, and a belt with the center bit being some male genitals. Various bodily fluids are sent flying throughout the movie. It's all really fake looking, but it's sort-of meant to be that way. This film gets a zombie gore score of 7/10.

This is a Troma film, so it had more than it's fair share of the zombie movie gratuitous sexism and nudity. The zombie women are topless most of the time. On the hero's journey to find his girlfriend, he encounters a field of Swedish women, an all girl bar, and a girl administering herself pain in the background of a weird Jamaican guy's apartment 6/10.

"Die You Zombie Bastards!" is a bit slow and repetitive at points. The plot is not very consistent, but it isn't really trying to be. It's more the type of film where the viewer is supposed to sit back and enjoy the idiocy. Although I realized that, I still found myself reaching for the remote to hit the FF button more than once. On the boredom scale (0 being insomnia curing, 10 being '78 Dawn of the Dead) this movie gets a 6/10.

The dialogue in the movie is really awful. Once again, this is not a surprise when someone buys a Troma film, but even for Troma this dialogue is bad. The acting is even worse. It's that type of acting where all the performers know how bad the script is, so they go out of their way to perform is as awfully as they can. This movie gets a 3/10 for having a bad "even by Troma standards" zombie movie dialog. +1 point for a great soundtrack that has the required zombie synthesizer, and even some songs by Paul Leary of the Butthole Surfers.

Overall, "Die You Zombie Bastards!" gets a slightly below average 4/10 in my Zombie movie scale. It's probably not worth buying for the hardcore zombie fiend, unless you really like the Troma type of movie. It might be worth renting for the more casual undead movie fan, but by no means a necessary watch for a hardcore zombie movie purist. Considering the film, not on my Zombie scale; rather using a Troma scale, I would probably give this movie a 7/10.

Save your money and time.

The positive reviews must have been written by people who are making money off the sale of it. There's no way anyone found humor or sense in this. It's awful.

If you want a really worthy low-budget bizarre zombie flick, try "Shatter Dead," "Feeding the Masses," or "Revolting Zombies." All three deliver what this title promises.