Customer Reviews

Diet Coke, 12 oz. can

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Dear Sirs,

I am a bussness banker with Ecological Bank or Nigeria. I would prefer that with haist we transact this transacttion and that you send me this delicuous beverage feast as soon as we can aggree to the terms of teh transaction. For the bargain price offered, I can certanly see that value of buying this can of fizz drink. Sadly, due to the recent death of my mother and the large number of bills associated with her demise and burial, I have only a bank account with 1 million USD (one million dollars) which I cannot acess until I find a suitable business partner in USA to assist with transacting a transaction of the sort. I plan will be to send you this money if you can please send me this can of drinking delight beverage known as Coke.

Please sir contact me with haste to allow us to find the means to transact this transaction.

Think about it. A 12 oz. can that weighs 11 pounds. Packed with extra goodness, and heavy metals, or other amazing substances, this can of coke is a bargain at $11.92 + $56.96 shipping. Yup, for $56.96, you can get this can of hard-to-find cola delivered to your home in about 2 weeks. Imagine your joy.

This eleven pound serving of Diet Coke, tastefully ensconced in a convenient twelve ounce can, is perhaps deceptive. Its mass might lead the consumer to believe that it somehow tastes different than the usual nutrient-free, chemically-laden glop that comprises Diet Coke, which seems to have become the International Women's Beverage. (As a person with a Y chromosome, I do not have the gender qualifications to drink this beverage, but I tried one anyway, along with some yogurt, the International Women's Food, as suggested by The Lifetime Channel and their wonderful films.) After careful evaluation, I determined that the eleven-pound mass of this can was not achieved by the addition of fruit juices or any actual nutritional food-like ingredients to the chemical glop. I now realized that some of the carbonated "bubbles" are actually black holes, a de-formation of space-time caused by collapsing stars, formerly difficult to obtain for the consumer but now conveniently available in these handy eleven-pound cans of diet coke. (I tried to give this product a five-star review, but somehow the five stars collapsed into two stars that each weigh 5.5 pounds.) Buy it! Drink it! The Black Hole Diet will not make you lose mass (quite the opposite), but it is entertaining and educational, and you can participate in the International Women's Cuisine Mandate while watching films about deceptive men on The Lifetime Channel.

Love Diet Coke. But seriously, $10 for one can? Get Diet Coke, just buy it from somewhere else.

You are probably asking, "Why would you review Diet Coke?" It's a damn soda. It costs almost nothing! We've all had it and are probably already addicted and strung out to D.C. Well, the truth is that I am a true Coke connoisseur. I have spent many hours discussing a good coca-cola versus a crap coca-cola. This is a drink that can draw out the flavors of a good meal, just like a fine bottle of wine or cold glass of milk.

Originally I only drank regular Coke. But there is no need to have all that high fructose corn syrup. It will ultimately lead to your demise. So make the switch to Diet Coke. You may need to do some 50/50 blends for a while, but in a couple of weeks you won't go back to regular Coke (it tastes way too sugary now). In general, any soda from a can actually can taste pretty bad due to changes in carbonation, flavor of the can, etc. But a soda from a bottle (glass or plastic) is the best. You know the batch is good when there is a major burn in your mouth after a big gulp. Pepsi won't do this the same, the pH is different and it has a different sugar content. Diet Coke has the perfect burn. Fountain soda almost universally sucks, so don't even go there.

I recommend that D.C. accompany any rich, flavorful meal. It may overpower meals that have subtle flavors (for example, some French cuisine is quite subtle in flavor to me, and D.C. may wash it away). You already know D.C. will enhance the flavors of beef, fried food, pizza, potato chips (and most other snacks), most sandwiches, Italian foods of almost any variety, and greasy chili cheese dogs.

So go buy a 2 liter, chill (4 degrees celsius at the lowest, preferably a degree or two warmer), go work off all that high fructose corn syrup you ate earlier in the day, and then getcha pull of D.C.

If you don't like my review, you must be a Pepsi fan. So be it. Your teeth will rot sooner, it's got a lower pH.