Different Daughters: A Book by Mothers of Lesbians [Paperback]

Louise Rafkin (Editor)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1996

Twenty-five mothers of lesbians share their complex feelings about families, community, religion, grandchildren, and coming out in a candid study that reflects divergent attitudes toward their daughters' sexual choices. Simultaneous. Tour. IP.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Mother's Day happens in May, so what better time to take another look at a second edition of one of the most useful anthologies ever. When Louise Rafkin came out in the mid-80s she was looking for a resource to help explain to her mother some of what being a lesbian meant, and mirror some of what her mom might be feeling about her "different" daughter. She had to create that resource, this book. Though public perceptions of lesbians have changed drastically in the last 10 years--we're out in the rock music world and professional sports and the highest levels of government--how many moms still wonder, with a wince, "Why my daughter?" The responses vary wildly showing how women of different generations react to lesbianism, the concern some mothers feel for their girls, the blame and guilt that goes both ways, and how the most unaccepting person can come around. Some updated entries are placed alongside their 1987 version to show what a long way we have come.

From Library Journal

Largely due to the influence of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the last 12 years have seen several books dealing with the relationship between parents and their gay/lesbian offspring. Most recent is Carolyn Welch Griffin and others' Beyond Acceptance: parents of lesbians and gays talk about their experiences ( LJ 5/1/86). In a well-intentioned attempt to add to this literature, Muller, the mother of a gay son, has conducted interviews with 61 lesbians and gay men, and 10 parents in the Chicago area, to tell the story of relationships between adult children who are "out" and their parents. Although she acknowledges that her findings "do not necessarily draw a larger picture," she attempts to generalize from them. Though she gives an appendix of graphs and tables, the methodology is unsound; and the book is poorly organized. As its subtitle explains, Different Daughters is a collection of stories solicited from mothers of lesbians. Depicting a spectrum of racial, class, and religious backgrounds, the essays range in length, depth, and insight. Those transcribed from interviews are marked to denote them from the written pieces. The honest voices of these women are clear as they come to terms with their offsprings' lifestyles, providing a valuable perspective for others dealing with these complex issues. James E. Van Buskirk, Acad. of Art Coll. Lib., San Francisco
Copyright 1987 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

• Paperback: 161 pages
• Publisher: Cleis Pr; 2nd edition (April 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1573440507
• ISBN-13: 978-1573440509
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 4.9 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 2.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,985,525 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars An excellent and worthwhile resource, August 1, 1999

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Different Daughters: A Book by Mothers of Lesbians (Paperback)

This book is intimate and open and extremely valuable. While many lesbians are "out" and have been "out" for what seems like forever, this book is for those who aren't yet there, and the people who care about them. While it may seem fairly repetitive, (my mother certainly thought so)the recurring themes are a lesson; we are not alone, we are not the only ones, and what we are going through IS survivable. This book includes many stories similar yet different in their own way just as each woman's "coming out" story is hers,and hers alone. This book can be a great "jumping off place" for discussion between a mother and daughter, a teacher and student, coach and player.... there are many mentors out there who can reach out and help young women searching for a way out of the closet. This book is an honest map of the ways these women stayed on the path of life with their daughers. Their writing is sometimes amateur, and reflects that some are still trying to find acceptance within their hearts, and a road back to love for their daughters, but they are trying, and in this book, they've put themselves out there for others to see and from which to find comfort. Friends have told me that now they are aware this book exists, they will retain it in their libraries to call on when a friend or colleague says, "I think my daughter is gay.." or "I'm a lesbian, how do I tell my mom?" and if you haven't yet come out to your mother, this may be the book you should read. If it's been years and your mother is no longer here to talk, read it anyway and share it with friends or relatives in her place. It's a wonderful collection, and a wonderfully powerful book.

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars A Disappointment, November 16, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Different Daughters: A Book by Mothers of Lesbians (Paperback)

I suppose it may be helpful for some mothers to simply know that they're not the only moms whose daughters are gay; however, I was disappointed that not one of the essays actually went into exactly why these women were all so initially distraught. Most wrote about how they came to terms with "the myths and misconceptions," but nobody actually says what they are and how they delt with them! Overall, I didn't find this book to be helpful at all.

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars rah rah ho hum..., May 17, 2008

By 

Big Momma "Big Momma's House" (Northeast U.S.) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Different Daughters 3 Ed: A Book by Mothers of Lesbians (Paperback)

Not really needed: another book such as this. This is a tragic story and that is the story that needs to be acknowledged.