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Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother's Compulsive Hoarding [Paperback]

Jessie Sholl
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (69 customer reviews)

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Book Description

December 28, 2010
To be the child of a compulsive hoarder is to live in a permanent state of unease. Because if my mother is one of those crazy junk-house people, then what does that make me?

When her divorced mother was diagnosed with cancer, New York City writer Jessie Sholl returned to her hometown of Minneapolis to help her prepare for her upcoming surgery and get her affairs in order. While a daunting task for any adult dealing with an aging parent, it’s compounded for Sholl by one lifelong, complex, and confounding truth: her mother is a compulsive hoarder. Dirty Secret is a daughter’s powerful memoir of confronting her mother’s disorder, of searching for the normalcy that was never hers as a child, and, finally, cleaning out the clutter of her mother’s home in the hopes of salvaging the true heart of their relationship—before it’s too late.

Growing up, young Jessie knew her mother wasn’t like other mothers: chronically disorganized, she might forgo picking Jessie up from kindergarten to spend the afternoon thrift store shopping. Now, tracing the downward spiral in her mother’s hoarding behavior to the death of a long-time boyfriend, she bravely wades into a pathological sea of stuff: broken appliances, moldy cowboy boots, twenty identical pairs of graying bargain-bin sneakers, abandoned arts and crafts, newspapers, magazines, a dresser drawer crammed with discarded eyeglasses, shovelfuls of junk mail . . . the things that become a hoarder’s “treasures.” With candor, wit, and not a drop of sentimentality, Jessie Sholl explores the many personal and psychological ramifications of hoarding while telling an unforgettable mother-daughter tale.


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Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother's Compulsive Hoarding + Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things + Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring
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Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

When her mother was diagnosed with colon cancer, Sholl was faced with a dread worse than the disease, that of taking on responsibility for her mother’s house, filthy and chaotic from years of hoarding. Sholl had grown up in the house in Minneapolis until her parents’ divorce, when she eventually went to live with her father and stepmother not far from the house that so shamed her. She’d spent her adolescence embarrassed by her mother’s mental illness: the hoarding, compulsive shopping, indecisiveness, and occasional cruelty and abuse. Now married and living in New York, she could not rid herself of the obligation and shame or the alternating emotions of fury and protectiveness. Forced to deal with her mother, Sholl waded through garbage (unopened mail, broken appliances, moldy food, and scores of identical items bought on shopping sprees), memories, and research to find a deeper understanding of her mother’s mental disorder. She offers a compelling and compassionate perspective on an illness suffered by an estimated six million Americans that has only recently been explored through reality television programs. --Vanessa Bush

Review

"Sholl explores the psychological reasons why being merely a pack rat can erupt into full-blown hoarding. By the end you're sympathetic to both mother and daughter and understand how a parent's obsession can become a child's."

-- People magazine, 3.5 stars (out of 4)

"With her bold prose and ceaseless courage, Jessie Sholl tells a mother-daughter story like no other. Get ready for a visceral read: just a few pages in to DIRTY SECRET, you'll be scratching your ankles, dabbling your eyes, and -- when you're finished -- frantically cleaning your house."

- Stephanie Elizondo Griest, author of "Around the Bloc" and "Mexican Enough"

"Mining a story of damage inflicted and damage sustained, Jessie Sholl conjures a narrative of surprising interconnectedness, even uplift. Wry and illuminating, Dirty Secret is an empathic and insightful memoir."

--Dave King, author of THE HA-HA

"When a grown child tells the story of a troubled parent, three things are needed: exacting detail, unflinching honesty, and - most of all - unconditional love. Jessie Sholl's "Dirty Secret" beautifully contains them all."

- Dan Koeppel, author of "To See Every Bird on Earth: A Father, A Son, and A Lifelong Obsession"

"Suspenseful and novel-like, Dirty Secret is a wonderful, respectful introduction to the world of a hoarder and the tribulations suffered by both the individual who hoards and their family members."

-- Fugen Neziroglu, Ph.D. author of Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding: Why You Save and How You Can Stop

"From a literal mess of a childhood, Sholl has emerged to tell a compelling and sparkling-clean story that will captivate anyone who has ever tried to let go of the past."

-Elisabeth Eaves, author of "Bare" and Wanderlust"

"Sholl coaxes tragicomic elements from the depressing proceedings—as when everyone contracted a seemingly incurable case of scabies, courtesy of her mother’s hellhole, or the time she discovered the cremated remains of her mother’s longtime boyfriend buried under a pile of yarn, two lava lamps and a stack of old newspapers. Most poignant, though, is the secret shame and embarrassment of her mother’s strangeness that Sholl lugged around for so many years. Eventually, she found sympathy and understanding... Affecting and illuminating."

- Kirkus Reviews

"[Sholl] offers a compelling and compassionate perspective on an illness suffered by an estimated six million Americans that has only recently been explored through reality television programs."

- Booklist


Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Gallery Books; Original edition (December 28, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1439192529
  • ISBN-13: 978-1439192528
  • Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (69 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #408,580 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I'm the author of Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother's Compulsive Hoarding (Simon & Schuster/Gallery Books, Dec. 2010). I'm also the coeditor of the literary nonfiction anthology Travelers' Tales Prague and the Czech Republic. I live in New York City with my super-powered miniature pinscher/Chihuahua mix, Abraham Lincoln. Please feel free to visit me at www.jessie-sholl.com.

Customer Reviews

I admire Jessie Sholl for sharing her story with us. dawnnowakoski  |  28 reviewers made a similar statement
I read this book in 2 sittings and could not put it down. shannyjud  |  12 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
47 of 50 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Brave Look December 31, 2010
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I feel like everyone knows someone who has a problem with hoarding but it's hard not to look at hoarders and think, 'wtf, just clean it up!'

Jessie Sholl bravely throws herself (and her family) into her haunting and amusing memoir. The best thing about this book is that it's 100% readable, a page-turner really, and it's also extremely informative about hoarding and having someone with a mental disorder entwined in your life. Sholl combines her own stories with researched facts about hoarders that fit snugly in the story. She delves into the complex cycle of hope, frustration and defeat intermixed with humor and honesty will ring true to anyone who has loved a person with a mental illness. If you've dealt (or are dealing) with mental illness/hoarding you'll read this book and think, 'I'm not alone, this is my story too.' If you haven't had a personal experience with a hoarder this will give you insight into the behavior and open your eyes to a new world.

There are many facets of the book beyond the hoarding - daughter-as-mother relationship, parents growing older, etc. Sholl explores these areas in a subtle, genuine way. Bravo!
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32 of 34 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Sholl shows it all, with love January 1, 2011
Format:Paperback
My mother is a schizophrenic hoarder. This sentence is hard to type, but reading Jessie Sholl's candid and caring memoir about her somewhat similarly affected mother has made it a lot easier, because I'm reminded that I'm not alone, and that in the absurdity and sadness of the situation there is still room for compassion. Jessie describes the emotional landscape around her mother with clarity and precision; I found myself nodding along at thing I recognized from my own life. With this book Jessie has found a way to help dispel the shame and secrecy around this painful condition, not just for herself but for others. A very inspiring memoir from a very good person.
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22 of 23 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Haunting and brilliantly written December 31, 2010
Format:Paperback
This is no ordinary mother-daughter tale. Sholl's brilliant writing hooks you in the first sentence, and doesn't let up even after the last page (How could I ever stop thinking about this book?) A true tale of her mentally-ill mother's compulsive hoarding, the book is fierce, funny, deeply compassionate, and impossible to put down. I cannot wait for her next book, but right now I'm still compulsively thinking about this one.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting read
Jesse Sholl's book Dirty Secret...is the story of daughter's struggle to heal from the effects of living with damaged parents, while maintaining connections to both parents.
Published 13 days ago by Book lover
5.0 out of 5 stars A Powerful True Story
This book hit close to home for me. I read it and could totally relate to the story. If his situation applies to you, I really do suggest you read this book.
Published 1 month ago by Casey K. Conrad
4.0 out of 5 stars I liked the hoarding book
This is an interesting topic and one I never considered from too many angles. I would like to know more about hoarding.
Published 1 month ago by Spicy Lori
4.0 out of 5 stars A Good Book
This book by Jessie Sholl is mainly about her and all the struggles she went through with her mother. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Yayacita94
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting Book
I heard about this book on the radio and purchased it out of curiosity. It was insightful into the way "hoarders" think and the way their actions affect others. Read more
Published 4 months ago by B. Stranak
4.0 out of 5 stars A great book about hoarding
The author gave a honest and in-depth account of dealing with a hoarding parent. Parts of the book were exasperating, but I still found myself reading it through in one day.
Published 4 months ago by Karen D.Eick
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent
this was a intresting find and story it goes to show what happens when things get out of control and no one gets hwelps right a away
Published 5 months ago by carrie goudge
5.0 out of 5 stars Well written and honest
I related with Jessie throughout this book. My mother is also a hoarder and it is a very unique and strange relationship that we have. Not many understand it. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Sam
5.0 out of 5 stars Delving into the Secret
This was just such a fantastic story of a daughter's struggle to help her hoarding mother to overcome her problems. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Theresa Scheef
5.0 out of 5 stars More than a story about hoarding
Really enjoyed this book. It's more than just about a mother's hoarding problem. More of a story of a family. Read more
Published 8 months ago by P. Parisi
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Why is this more expensive than the print version?
I absolutely agree, and I complained about this to amazon - I see this again and again as I browse for (overpriced) Kindle books to buy for this gadget.
Apr 24, 2011 by Noelle |  See all 2 posts
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