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Discipline Without Damage: How to Get Your Kids to Behave Without Messing Them Up Paperback – January 12, 2016
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Dr. Laura Markham, PhD, Founding editor of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
In Discipline Without Damage, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe explores the important question of why we discipline rather than just how. We need to question the notion that the only way to raise happy, capable and caring future adults is to punish children when they don’t behave according to our wishes. In fact, by showing that children really need kindness, fairness and a caring, safe environment, Dr. Lapointe has created a trustworthy resource for parents.”
Maggie Dent, Author of 9 Things: A Back-to Basics Guide to Calm, Common-sense, Connected Parenting Birth
In this eloquent book, Dr. Lapointe makes a powerful case for disciplining our children without power struggles, manipulation or control. An insightful guide for all parents!”
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, PhD, Author of the New York Times bestselling book The Conscious Parent
This book is a must-read for all parents who know what feels right about disciplining their kids, but have been advised to do the opposite. Dr. Lapointe combines scientific theory with her wealth of experience working with children, and gives clear examples of how to put it all into practice. Read this book and see the results in your happy, well-adjusted child.”
Barbara Fitzgerald M.D. FRCP(C), Developmental pediatrician and Clinical associate professor, University of British Columbia
I love this book! It’s a rare combination of science-based, practical,
respectful, and effective discipline.”
Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, PhD, Co-author of the New York Times bestselling books The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline
In Discipline without Damage, Dr. Lapointe shows why communication and connection are so important for our children. And why it is especially important for us adults to discipline ourselves so that we don’t go down the path of disconnection in the name of good behavior. Read this book and discover creative ways to be with your children and respect them for who they are.”
Vikram Vij, Chef, sommelier, and co-owner of Vij’s group of companies
"I am delighted to see a book that in theory and practice shows parents how to regulate their children's immature behaviors in constructive ways... If when we go to regulate our children's behavior we think, 'Do I want my child to grow up to treat others this way?' we will be much more inclined to use the techniques advocated in this book."
Dr. Martha H. Pieper, PhD, Author of Smart Love: The Comprehensive Guide to Understanding, Regulating, and Enjoying Your Child
Dr. Lapointe has given parents, family members and the professionals who work with them a wonderful gift. Discipline Without Damage should be required reading for us all. Written from a deep pool of experience and knowledge, this practical book helps us understand what children need to thrive.”
Dana Brynelsen, OBC, LLD, Former provincial advisor, Infant Development Program of BC
About the Author
Dr. Laura Markham is the founding editor of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.
Top Customer Reviews
It was a great experience not to have any of the above reactions. While reading Discipline Without Damage, my reaction was "Finally - someone has managed to intelligently synthesize the science and practicallities all together, in an amusing, accessible fashion," with some subtle twists. This book will appeal to parents interested in intentional and attachment-based parenting, but also parents who utilize limit setting and more structured approaches.
From my research, clinical, and personal perspective, a child's emotional- and self-regulation is critical for their relationships and their future success. Children who can be co-regulated by self-regulated parents in a loving, firm, and secure fashion will grow up to be independent, successful and connected adults (who hopefully are still involved with their parents and healthier relationships across the lifespan). So - perhaps the greatest value of Dr. Lapointe's book ---- it translates what we know as scientists into real scenarios, helpful verbal phrases, and simple actions that parents can take to co-regulate and connect to their children. I confess, some of her suggested parenting expressions "just seem to connect to my children (and husband)'s limbic-emotional brains" better than my own. Equally, it also shares practical strategies for us as parents to self-regulate in challenging parent-child situations.
Dr. Vanessa Lapointe makes it known early on that her goal is not to provide you with the complete set of rules to abide by in each and every situation you may encounter with your children; rather she chooses to hone on your own intuition as a parent and especially as a parent with a keen understanding of your own children’s unique needs. The manner in which she chooses to approach this is by understanding the “why”, the individual motivation behind each of your child’s behaviors (both positive and negative).
This isn’t to say that the book avoids providing clear and direct ideas on how to handle more common behavioral problems we face as parents, just that they’re done in a more generic sense providing points and counterpoints for the more common approaches to discipline (i.e. how to handle shouting in a supermarket). Additional scenarios are presented when relevant in discussing a particular principle, but they aren’t so outlandish as to feel contrived or so “out-there” you’d never experience something similar yourself.
While weaving her mantra of See it, Feel it, Be it, into all the chapters of this book, Dr.Read more ›
I loved to hear out loud that we all mess up, and we all have bad parents moments, true human moments - and that there are graceful ways to recover, while still helping your kids feel like mom has this under control (hence, keeping them safe and secure).
What really resonated with me was that I am able to talk my kids down, or out of a melt-down: they didn't need a punishment, they just needed my ear and my understanding. When Dr. Lapointe made some comparison to how we as adults would feel when an event occurred (example like when your husband forgets your birthday) and what our reaction would be, then comparing that to what our child might be feeling in certain instances made perfect sense to me. Great visuals for me to understand.
I think some of the parts that didn't stand out as strong to me, and perhaps because I am a very visual person, was the "Hulk" visual. I understand the concept (and the concept is good), but I just didn't like it, per se. I also find lists and 1, 2, 3's and a), b), c)'s wearing after a while. Though they are helpful for breaking down thoughts, they tend to make me skim-read.
Overall, I would recommend this book to the parents in my circle, and even (especially!) grandparents. The language was easy to understand and concepts explained well.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Great ideas for avoiding confrontations with your children and helping them stay connected with adults.Published 15 hours ago by Loretta Dutra
I find some positives in the underlying message but was befuddled by the many personal stories the author shares. I would not recommended this book to any parent. Read morePublished 1 day ago by Amazon Customer
A very helpful book based on current research. I would recommend this to any parent!Published 6 days ago by Michelle D.
I highly recommend this book for all parents, teachers, and child care providers. Dr. Lapointe's practical advice is based on the sound scientific research evidence that positive... Read morePublished 13 days ago by Suzanne Starseed
Wow...My heart is full! How lucky is this generation? This books gives the necessary guidance to develop healthy kids and even healthier relationships (with them). Read morePublished 21 days ago by Ramona A. Lehnert
I loved Discipline Without Damage and gleaned so many practical tools and strategies. In my work with young girls, I am constantly reading and learning how to better connect and... Read morePublished 22 days ago by lindsay sealey
I can't rave enough about this book and about its author. Dr. Lapointe's attachment-based approach, as well as her mantra - "see it, feel it, be it" - remind me that above... Read morePublished 24 days ago by Amazon Customer
Important concepts and practices to put into action and let kids know that "big people" are there to help them make things better.Published 24 days ago by Kate Pinsonneault