Customer Reviews

Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery

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As I was learning how to discipline my strong-willed 18 month old, I was reading a lot about how to discipline. Included in these books (I had NOT yet read Discipline Without Distress) were the benefits of spanking by very good and some Christian well intentioned people that I truly believe love children. However, as my son became more defiant, he seemed to be getting spanked more and more and it wasn't working. I was hardly doing more than tapping his bottom, but it was breaking his heart, breaking mine that I felt I had to do it, and it didn't seem to be solving his 'normal for age' behavioral issues. That is when I did some more searching on Amazon for some alternatives to spanking.

Discipline Without Distress has been well researched! It breaks down for you where your child is developmentally at each age and SEVERAL EXAMPLES of how to act in numerous situations. We parents like concrete examples! Strong-willed children or high needs children DO NOT HAVE TO BE SPANKED! It may take much more effort on the part of the parent to be patient and act, not react, but this book will help give you the tools you need.

As for my son, this book seems made for him. Using the techniques in this book, such as redirection for one, is 200% more effective than spanking ever was.

I would recommend reading or buying this book first, before you read ANY literature on pro spanking. Discipline Without Distress is so thorough, I doubt you will feel the need to read pro spanking books.

Discipline Without Distress? Well, I wouldn't go THAT far. I love the book though. Putting the advice into action hasn't been easy for me and has required a lot of change in my thinking. My 4 yr old son can be volatile and way out of control frequently; he's a wonderful child, but still. I ordered this book when NOTHING was working with disciplining him: spanking, yelling, time-outs, taking away toys, rewards etc. Over a short amount of time - and I mean very short - I could see in some situations how the 'techniques' worked and things had improved for both me AND him. Things I love about the book - it's focus on: building a loving relationship, advocating the child's independent self-evaluation/correction of undesirable behavior, and instilling confidence in me to discipline my child so he learns the true lesson in a situation. The book provides many tools and perspectives that are very helpful. I am very pleased with our progress so far (2 weeks into it now). What I don't like - is really only one thing - and that's the advice to avoid situations that can trigger behavior problems in the child (like eating out, visiting friends, etc). A lot of the situations she names are not avoidable for us. I just try to keep in-line with the overall direction and prepare the best I can with him in advance for the situations that I know tend to be difficult. Bottom line, I highly recommend the book - especially if you feel you've tried everything - and nothing seems to be working.

Okay, it is apparent that Judy, the author loves and adores kids. What better expert to write a book like this. Her book is PACKED with tools and information that will leave any parent feeling very confident. She is an advocate of positive parenting and is an incredible asset to the field of raising kids in a humane and loving way. Two cheers for Judy!

Other books that you may find helpful are: Kids, Parents and Power Struggles, How To Talk So Kids Can Listen, Got the Baby Where's the Manual, Between Parent and Child,and Undconditional Parenting.


Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT
Licensed Child Therapist
founder, www.TheGoToMom.TV
Author: Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation, and Your Inner Diva

This is the best book I have ever read on parenting. While it needs some copy editing and an index, the information it contains is so well informed, so practical, so honest, that it is truly indispensable. I would love to give this book to every expectant parent in the world (I hope it will be translated into other languages). The author explains which parenting techniques work best and why. There are disciplinary examples for every occasion and every age group. She explains each stage of child development so you can understand what can be expected of a child at each age. She demonstrates why every disciplinary action that builds your relationship with your child is a successful method and every action that diminishes that relationship is detrimental. Parents can't be perfect, but this book will give them the tools to do their best. I wish I'd had this book 40 years ago, but at least I've given a copy to my daughter for raising her children. (My daughter loves it, too.)

I'm half way through the book, but starting incorporating the discipline tools as I went along...
This book has literally changed my life!
I'm less angry, less stressed, less frustrated, and so are my children!(ages 6 and 3). Respect works!
I highly recommended this book!!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this book! My son is 14 months old and I am halfway through the book. I have been implenting a lot of the techniques and finding that they work! It is also a huge relief knowing that PUNISHING a child for misbehavior is not necessary, that a lot of this behavior is a developmental stage - not disobedience, and it is important to look for the reason for the behavior and not just at the behavior itself.

I used the techniques with my 5 & 7 year old nephews this past weekend (who people have labeled "out of control") when they came to visit. Not only did I not have to punish them a single time during their visit, raise my voice, or say no more than 3-4 times, they CLEANED MY LIVING ROOM while I had to tend to my baby. Before reading this book, if I had to leave the room they would get into mischief and I would sometimes find myself watching the clock until they were to go home. This time they stayed an extra hour and I didn't even think about when it was time for them to leave. They have continued the respect with me ever since (MUTUAL respect I must add). I am buying 3 other people this book for Christmas.

This "way of thinking" has the possibility to change your life, your children's lives, make for a much happier family, and most importantly, prepare your children to face the world without you holding punishments, bribes, or scare tactics over them.

Don't hesitate to purchase it!

I ordered this book as my 18 month old starting act out more. Arnall presents great ideas, along with a handy chart at the end of the book for specific techniques for various age groups and problem behaviors.

The techniques in the book very intuitive and what you instinctively know to be good parenting behavior but weren't totally sure how to implement. As she says in her book, the goal of raising a good child is to know that they will behave and do the right thing even when you're not around (and the risk of 'punishment' from you isn't there). In essence, she teaches you how to raise a child who is aware and makes the right decision because they have learned right and wrong from the behavior a parent should be modeling.

Very good book, highly recommend it!

"I love, love, love this book. I love it so much I wrote to the editors of our local paper recommending it to everyone who is a parent, a teacher, a caregiver, anyone who works with children. I have worked with children; running children's programs, working in the school system, raising my own children and now working as a nanny for two school aged children, for over thirty years. I've taken many courses, read many books on working, raising and helping children and this book is the best, bar none. I have given it to all friends and family having children, recommended it to friends who are teachers who love it, even the family I work for has read it, and it's so great to have a resource that's respectful and helps you raise courteous and responsible children. I feel it should be in every parent's library. I can't recommend it enough. Theresa, Calgary, Alberta, Canada P.S. I will continue to buy more copies to give to others, I may set a record.

This is a must read for all parents. Great parenting tips from a real mom! This book is the bible on parenting. Very respectful of families and children. I loved it.

From the get-go, we've practiced Attachment Parenting, but once our kids reached tantruming age, we fell back to behavior modification with time-out, rewards, threats, punishments, bribery... all of which led to power struggles and way too much yelling and punishments for our strong-willed children. My son in particular was not at all receptive to the mainstream parenting solutions listed above. We purchased this book and "Attached at the Heart: 8 Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children." They both have been excellent resources to help us improve our parenting skills and continue with the principles of Attachment Parenting. It really helped to understand what's developmentally appropriate (what will fade with time, even if it's not addressed with behavior modification), how to avoid power struggles, and what to do instead of the normal reward/punishment solutions. It's definitely more hands-on parenting that takes more time and energy from the parent(s), but that's because the whole focus is on the long-term: building a relationship with your child. The point of the book is that if you can communicate with your child, give them autonomy in their life (as their development naturally allows), and model good behavior, that when they are beyond your parenting reach (i.e. you can't control your teenager!), they will trust you and still come to you for help and guidance because of the relationship of mutual respect that you've established.