The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome [Paperback]

Harriet B. Braiker (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 13, 2002

What's wrong with being a "people pleaser?" Plenty!

"A fascinating book... If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book!"­­Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls Fast

People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say "Yes" when they really want to say "No." For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use "niceness" and "people-pleasing" as self-defense camouflage.

Featured on NBC's "Today," The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that "people pleasing" is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent "Oprah" guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.

Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle - involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior - will cause a dramatic, positive and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.

As a recovered peoplepleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

What's wrong with being a "people pleaser?" Plenty!

"A fascinating book... If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book!"­­Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls Fast

People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say "Yes" when they really want to say "No." For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use "niceness" and "people-pleasing" as self-defense camouflage.

Featured on NBC's "Today," The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that "people pleasing" is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent "Oprah" guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.

Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle - involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior - will cause a dramatic, positive and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.

As a recovered peoplepleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.

About the Author

Harriet B. Braiker Ph.D. was a bestselling author and practiced clinical psychologist and management consultant in Los Angeles. She was the author of several, highly successful popular psychology books.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (February 13, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0071385649
• ISBN-13: 978-0071385640
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #18,622 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #32 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health > Codependency

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

99 of 102 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars THE DISEASE TO PLEASE, February 3, 2001

By 

Carlyn Arnold (Honolulu, Hi USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome (Hardcover)

This book is one of the most important and helpful self help books which I have ever read. I felt as if it were written directly with me in mind. The author has been a practicing clinical psychologist for 25 years and gives examples through her patients' history's of problems and how they have been helped. In addition to that, she gives very specific ways that you, the reader, can apply these principles to your daily life. You might think that women have this problem more than men but that is not necessarily true. My husband is now reading this book and my grown children are also. You find that it helps you to understand not only yourself better but others as well. She writes in an easy to understand way. This is a book where you find yourself reading every word. There is nothing here which is not relevant or to the point. It has become, for me, a kind of textbook which I refer back to. In fact, she encourages the reader to read with a highlighter and to use the book as you would a textbook. I recommend this book to everyone except those who already feel that they know everything.

53 of 54 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Insightful!, October 17, 2001

By 

Rolf Dobelli "getAbstract" (Switzerland) - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome (Hardcover)

Why do some people try so hard to please others that end up pleasing no one - including themselves? Harriet B. Braiker anchors this phenomenon in early childhood problems, such as guilt or low self-esteem, and shows how it harms adult relationships, including those at work. Although she emphasizes interpersonal relationships off the job, executives, managers and employees at all levels will still find her book helpful in life and in work. Braiker describes three primary manifestations (compulsive behavior, distorted thinking, and avoidance of negative feelings) of being a people-pleaser, and notes that this problem can stem from a personal mind-set, a habit or an intense aversion to conflict. Most helpfully, she explains strategies for more productive behavior. Sometimes the explanations and self-help quizzes become repetitive, but her examples keep the book's pace flowing. Thus we [...] recommend this book as - dare we say it? - a real crowd pleaser.

31 of 32 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book explains the whole people pleasing issue, August 8, 2006

By 

Dale "overanalyzer" (Minneapolis, MN) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome (Paperback)

This book is about learning to be your true self. Its basically like this: if people avoid conflict as child, being told do this or else.. and be nice to your siblings, and suffered from emotional and verbal abuse growing up, you become afraid to say how you really feel, you be nice instead, going out of your way to please others. You learn not to say ok to sometimes say no and hold your ground, in fear of rejection or being hurt. Being nice to give someone something because you want to do something nice for them is different from being nice because you fear conflict with that people if you do not cave into their wishes. Even not allowing yourself to say no, reinforces this thinking pattern that you should go out of way, as if it really helps to keep people from doing your harm, or being mean to you. If you can see how each point fits together to make your thinking patterns they way you act, then you will be able to use various techniques to bring you more in line with who you really are on the inside, respecting yourself and people will see more confidence in you. People dont like people that are overly nice to them, this book helped me stand up to say no, and not worry what people might do or think, or be rejected, because I can still have life.