Customer Reviews

The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This book is one of the most important and helpful self help books which I have ever read. I felt as if it were written directly with me in mind. The author has been a practicing clinical psychologist for 25 years and gives examples through her patients' history's of problems and how they have been helped. In addition to that, she gives very specific ways that you, the reader, can apply these principles to your daily life. You might think that women have this problem more than men but that is not necessarily true. My husband is now reading this book and my grown children are also. You find that it helps you to understand not only yourself better but others as well. She writes in an easy to understand way. This is a book where you find yourself reading every word. There is nothing here which is not relevant or to the point. It has become, for me, a kind of textbook which I refer back to. In fact, she encourages the reader to read with a highlighter and to use the book as you would a textbook. I recommend this book to everyone except those who already feel that they know everything.

Why do some people try so hard to please others that end up pleasing no one - including themselves? Harriet B. Braiker anchors this phenomenon in early childhood problems, such as guilt or low self-esteem, and shows how it harms adult relationships, including those at work. Although she emphasizes interpersonal relationships off the job, executives, managers and employees at all levels will still find her book helpful in life and in work. Braiker describes three primary manifestations (compulsive behavior, distorted thinking, and avoidance of negative feelings) of being a people-pleaser, and notes that this problem can stem from a personal mind-set, a habit or an intense aversion to conflict. Most helpfully, she explains strategies for more productive behavior. Sometimes the explanations and self-help quizzes become repetitive, but her examples keep the book's pace flowing. Thus we [...] recommend this book as - dare we say it? - a real crowd pleaser.

This book is about learning to be your true self. Its basically like this: if people avoid conflict as child, being told do this or else.. and be nice to your siblings, and suffered from emotional and verbal abuse growing up, you become afraid to say how you really feel, you be nice instead, going out of your way to please others. You learn not to say ok to sometimes say no and hold your ground, in fear of rejection or being hurt. Being nice to give someone something because you want to do something nice for them is different from being nice because you fear conflict with that people if you do not cave into their wishes. Even not allowing yourself to say no, reinforces this thinking pattern that you should go out of way, as if it really helps to keep people from doing your harm, or being mean to you. If you can see how each point fits together to make your thinking patterns they way you act, then you will be able to use various techniques to bring you more in line with who you really are on the inside, respecting yourself and people will see more confidence in you. People dont like people that are overly nice to them, this book helped me stand up to say no, and not worry what people might do or think, or be rejected, because I can still have life.

This review is for the Audio Version only.

We've probably all had the experience of reading a letter with a tone not intended by the author, which resulted in a huge misunderstanding of the writer's intent. Well, the content of this book may actually be fine, but you may very well not gain any value from it should you purchase the audio version. Although the reader has clear, defined diction and well-measureed flow to her speech, she utilizes a snooty, condescending, and utterly acerbic tone throughout her reading of the book, making it almost impossible to listen to. It's like being scolded for 3 1/2 hours, and so relentlessly that you miss the message and hear only contempt.

Whilst going through this program I repeatedly had to stop the CD for the purpose of trying to picture the words in print. I would then realize that had I been reading the same text, I would not have intonated so nastily, and would then not find the content so utterly offensive.

I cannot say with any certainty to what degree the reader reflected the actual attitudes of the author. The author does express considerable disdain for people with easy-going dispositions, as well as those in middle management and other less lofty positions in the business world. It could be that the tone of her reading was exactly what was asked for.

On the other hand, people pleasers need to learn that they do not need to be liked by everyone. Therefore, having to endure the beration of the reader may well be good practice in not running away from uncomfortable feelings -- or in searching for a way to appease the displeased.

Whatever the case, those who have a problem with being pathologically nice may well have a problem with the audio version. That is way too bad, because audiobooks are so convenient for this sort of material. In this particular case, I warn against the audio edition. Read it instead.

I have recommended this book to so many people. I only hope that whoever reads it will follow the message.
This is an important book. I think it is a critical read for anyone who has been abused, used or taken advantage of. It is important for the individual to understand why and how they got to be in the position and how they aquired the "Disease to Please".

As opposed to many self help books, Braiker has written a book that has substance instead of "rah-rah" fluff, and is very well written so you can actually apply the concepts into your daily life.

She does not assume that everyone has the same challenges. Reflecting that premise, at the beginning of most all sections she provides a list of questions for the reader to answer so they can tell how much they may or may not need the concepts that follow. You don't have to read it from start to finish. Instead, take the first test and jump right to sections that will provide you the most help.

Her ideas are very well thought out and clearly written. The "light turns on" as you read a paragraph and ponder how it applies to you.

If you want everyone to like you and it bothers you when they do not, or if you are addicted to pleasing your employer and work excessively, this is one of the first books I would read.

If you've ever spent time as an unhappy, people pleasing doormat then this book is for you. I disagree with a previous reviewer who criticized the book stating that "nice" was a personality trait and not a disease. That person either didn't read the book or completely missed the point. The book in no way suggests that niceness in its true form is a disease. People pleasing to the point of self-neglect and self-destruction is a disease. A nasty one. And this book offers treatment. It sheds light on why we do this and what we can do to stop the cycle. You can stand up for yourself, express your needs and still be a nice person. It's not about changing personality traits but destructive thoughts and behaviors. Bravo.

This book was recommended to me by my counselor. The book is full of insightful information. It was amazing how many times I said to myself "that is exactly how I feel" Trying to please everyone all the time gets in the way of so many things on so many levels and this book helps you see and understand those things...People with the disease to please think they are doing all these good things by being so kind and helpful and loving when in reality, it can be pretty eroding to their own self esteem and their close personal relationships without them even realizing it because of the underlying reasons as to why they lay aside their own feelings about something in order to please everyone, keep peace, avoid conflict, etc. The step by step plan to help the pleaser move away from the mindset that makes him/her sacrifice so many things to please others is excellent. While not complicated or something revolutionary, it helps the reader to truly focus on thoughts and motivations and take steps to readjust your thinking. It is a must read for anyone who thinks they have even the slightest tendancy to be a people pleaser whether on the job or in thier personal lives.

The title says it all. The late Harriet Braiker deserves accolades for delving into this mysterious self-destructive illness, the disease to please. By showing lots of examples, along with physical symptoms of heart disease, we learn the horrible toll that is exacted on its victims. Not only does she write well, she writes with a sense of urgency and caring which surpasses your average psyche book. There is modeling of "How to Say No", along with hints on spotting manipulators and stopping the disease before it spreads.

Great, informative and very helpful. Has enabled me to make decisions that I was unable to make before leading me to feel very empowered.