Customer Reviews

Divorce and New Beginnings: An Authoritative Guide To Recovery and Growth, Solo Parenting, and Stepfamilies

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This 1992 book by Genevieve Clapp is a treasure. Less about Divorce than about New Beginnings, it concentrates on the healing process, with practical everyday guidance on getting on with your life. There's an obligatory section on how divorce works, with skeletal guidance on navigating the legal system, on selecting an attorney, on divorce mediation, and on getting your children through the divorce. The heart and soul of this work, though, is in the materials Clapp provides for getting on with your life after divorce, primarily for divorcing parents. There's some really good material on transition to a rewarding single life, including coping with loneliness. There's excellent guidance on managing your childen and your romantic life. There's a useful section on how to cope with being the noncustodial parent, including a helpful, if painful, section on how to deal with rejection by your kids. My personal favorite is "How to Discipline Effectively and Still Be a 'Good Guy.'" This is an excellent resource for divorced parents who are struggling with the task of moving on even though their divorce is more or less complete.

I have read many books on separation and divorce and how it effects the family and I found this one the best. It contained wonderful practical advice on how to survive the break-up and move on.

I have a lot of conflict in my divorce and this book gave me some great advice on how to cope. I found the chapters dealing conflict most helpful and I would would highly recommend it. I especially loved how it recommended handling situations with some humour. It helped to reinforce to me the importance of minimizing conflict wherever possible. The book helped me stopped some of the insanity, take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.

Each chapter contained little checklist of what was covered in the chapter, brief summaries. These are great for reference, when you need little reminders in a hurry.

It is full of invaluable practical tips that should be shared whenever possible.

What else can I say. I highly recommend it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did. I couldn't put it down. Dispite how painful the subject is, the book was a ray of sunshine and some times even a chuckle.

I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorcing, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend this scholarly reference book to readers who want a readable, well-organized introduction to stepfamily life and clear opinions on how to (ideally) manage stepfamily problems. I do not recommend it to anyone who wants to know the core reasons most US stepfamilies are significantly stressful, and why most readers will be unable to follow Clapp's well-meant advice. Like most stepfamily authors, she omits meaningful coverage of these essential points:

1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce). Most divorced and stepfamily adults appear to be significantly wounded - and don't (want to) know it;

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it. All stepfamilies follow three or more sets of profound losses (broken bonds);

3) co-parent unawareness of - and indifference to - five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities, norms, implications, and hazards. And...

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, co-parent classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my clinical experience, these factors will often promote needy, love-dazed courting co-parents to commit to the wrong people (mate, stepkids, and "other parent/s"), for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Then the factors inhibit co-parents from identifying and resolving these core personal, role, and relationship problems:

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I bought this book on the advice of a counsellor and read it cover to cover while sitting on a mountain top in Montana. I went through a very ugly divorce and I was lost. This book was so profound it literally fueled my recovery. Other than the Bible, no other book I've ever read (including many on divorce) has hit me so hard. I often give this book now as a gift and the response is always the same- very positive. A must read for anyone going through the agony of divorce especially with children.

It is well written and clear insight into the complexities of divorce and parenting issues. It is very usable whether read in its entirety or only specific chapters.