Customer Reviews

Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex

5 star:		(114)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(2)
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1 star:		(1)

 

 

I bought this book before the store even unboxed it for their shelf. I have to say that I was totally amazed at how Dr. Warshak nailed the description of my experience with divorce poison, the personality profile of my vindictive ex, and the response and effects I've seen it have on my child. It was like Dr.Warshak had interviewed and observed my family personally.

Divorce poison is a sick and serious issue. I don't wish it on any child or parent. If you feel like you are the target of parental alienation, educate yourself, your ex and anyone (lawyers, therapist, family, etc) who has any part in your custody matter. One of the hardest things about the recent outcome of my two year custody battle is to realize how ignorant the court, forensic psychologist, therapist, school system, and especially the father of my son, are about the power and damaging effects divorce poison has on a child.

If you are recently separated and struggling with a vindictive ex, please do not assume things will blow over or die down. People whose personalities allow them to justify bad-mouthing, bashing or even brainwashing often become consumed by revenge and cannot let it go even when it is detrimental to the child. Read Dr. Warshak's book and take action appropriately.

My lawyer made sure Divorce Poison was on our table in full view at all times during our three day custody trial. I just wish the judge could have read it before interviewing my son.

I totally agree with the prior reviewer that said this book is a bible. Picking it up and reading it every time I feel the frustration reassures me that I am not the sick one here nor am I the bad parent. With Dr. Warshak's recommendations, I can continue to try to foster a healthy relationship with my child while trying to address the poison he is being given.

If you should read one book on divorce and the impact on children, this is the one!

This outstanding book provides great advice for parents who are badmouthing other parents, as well as ways the target parents can combat this abuse. Unlike "experts" who have not researched the most effective ways of combatting this type of child abuse, Dr. Warshak has determined through studies that parents who do nothing and say nothing are at risk for eventually losing contact with their children.

Dr. Warshak carefully navigates the misconception that alienation is typically a "woman thing" by citing examples of fathers who alienate. In doing this, the author is able to assure readers that the book is indeed written "in the best interests of children," and not for any gender-based political agenda.

Dr. Warshak's outlook on children, parenting and custody is refreshing and should be required reading for every family court judge, every family law attorney and every person going through a divorce. The author argues very succinctly and very successful that the two parents who were so vital to the welfare and growth of the children during the marriage are just as vital after the divorce. He also illustrates how family courts and mental health experts remove children from the target parent at the first sign of alienation -- which is the exact opposite of what actually works in these cases.

Dr. Warshak argues that target parents need time to rebuild this relationship -- to show that they are not the parent depicted in the diatribes of the parent who is attempting to alienate. Instead, courts typically accept irrational reasons from a child for not wanting to see a parent without examining the root causes for the alienation.

Dr. Warshak carefully crafted a "how to" book for target parents, but, more importantly, he has helped all parents become better parents by encouraging them to examine their true motives for making negative statements about their former spouses. In doing so, this author has created a classic that must be read by anyone who truly cares about children and the impact that divorce has on them.

It's an unfortunate reality that some parents will do their best to destroy a child's relationship with the other parent. So long as those misguided or sick parents have unsupervised time with the children, there's always a risk of confusion, conflict, or long-term damage to the bond with the "targeted" parent.

The most important aspect of this phenomenon is to catch it early, even if the bashing seems to occur on occasion or is subtle.

Eventually, enough little drops of poison can have a devastating consequence.

This book is an excellent tool to help "targeted" parents recognize signs of what the author calls poisoning (also called alienation tactics).

Though the book's readership would likely readily agree that taking the higher road is always best, what the author emphasizes is that if the higher road is not coupled with a proactive approach, devastation to the parent/child relationship can be the result.

What I found most helpful about this book are a couple areas:

A) I realized that no court order, and no amount of counseling, and no common sense discussion would stop my ex from her subtle, on-going attempts to undermine my relationship with my daughter.

B) I realized that there are many tactics I could employ to combat my ex's attempts... tactics that are nearly all positive and proactive.

The author provides many ideas to the reader on how to help ensure the poisoning parent's attempts fall on deaf ears in the child.

Strategies that I learned from this book have proven themselves with amazing results in how I handle my own situation... and the outcome is a young child who (on her own) has been able to conclude that her mother says untrue things about her father.

That's a best-case scenario when you face a parent who refuses to shield the children from conflict or disparaging remarks.

Though the attempts at alienation may never end, helping to insulate the effects is where this book shines.

This book offers both parents and professionals a practical and understandable road map for dealing with parental post-divorce anger and alienation that infests and poisons parent-child relationships with antagonistic brainwashing, false accusations, disparagement, and memory revision directed at the child against the other parent. The book provides workable suggestions for parents and therapists, suggestions that are long overdo and that correct once-popular and well-intended, but likely misguided, ideas about parental alienation. In another, important sense, this is a book for children - that is, for the mental health of children.

Warshak gives readable case examples that explain clearly and understandably what to do and what not to do. His book separates true alienation from the alienation children create on their own, when the parent himself or herself alienates the children by their own actions. His book empowers parents affected by deliberate alienation with strategies for coping with their own feelings while meeting the emotional needs of their children. The book also offers encouragement and practical strategies for parents to help deal with their own feelings and behaviors, both when they are tempted to speak badly of the other parent, and when they have already done so and recognize the need to neutralize toxins they may have passed on to a child. In short, Warshak's book is a must-read, a survival manual, for divorced parents with children. It is particularly helpful for parents who suspect that their children might be alienated, or that the other parent may be attempting to alienate the children.

I was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice (specializing in custody evaluations)who 'retired' to become a full-time mom 12 years ago. I saw and identified cases of alienation but the phraseology and science wasn't even what it is today which is still fledging and controversial. When it happened to me, my mistake was not to fight poison with poison, but to silently "take the high road." I figured two wrongs didn't make a right but the damage worsened.

Finally one year ago, when I decided to fight back by "countering lies with truth," I appealed to my child's school, feeling the need for support and oversight so as not to go too far. Incredulously, the lower school principal and school counselor turned me into Child Protective Services, believing the "revised version of reality" presented by my child, the father and stepmother. I was advised by the school's counselor to "go read a book on stubborn children." Fortunately, CPS saw the situation for exactly what it is and our own custody evaluator had the clinical accuity to recognise that my child "has the attributes of alienation." However, she had NOTHING to offer except to suggest individual therapy for me and for the stepmother. Making dozens of calls, I learned there are no supports out there. When you are a target parent, you are truly alone.

I inadvertently came across Dr. Warshak's book at a friend's house, read it throughout the night and have been handing out copies ever since to friends, therapists, and attorneys. I wish I had had it a year ago; it might well have prevented the situation or at least stemmed the damage which will take years to reverse. Last week I renewed my Clinical Social Work license and in 6 weeks I will base my first Parenting Support Group on the solid foundation of Dr. Warshak's work. If that isn't a testimony in favor of this masterful piece of work, I don't know what is. The book sells itself. Sharon Marie Chester, LCSW, Metairie, LA

Exellent book when you have an ugly ex. Really helps understand what is happening with someone who loved you enough to have kids with him/her then attacks you, blind sides you and is all around ugly and nasty. Helps so much when you feel powerless to help the kids you want to protect but not sure what to do.

It is a very important book for anyone dealing with emotional abusive ex-spouses. It makes manipulation more clear so you can deal with the issues more effectively.

Best book I have bought for my situation. Everyone says "Mom's house, Dad's House." is great to read....it is IF you are dealing with two adults. Divorce Poison is the best for the rest of us who are dealing with emotional batters.

As a child psychologist who conducts child custody evaluations, few situations are more painful than those in which alienation is going on. Unfortunately, most attorneys, courts, and parents are unfamiliar with the details and dynamics of alienation and too often, the children are the one's who lose. Those of us who do child custody evaluations have known about alienation for quite some time. Finally, there is a resource to help parents recognize and deal with these issues in a straight-forward manner. Alienation takes a tremendous toll on a child's life and parents on the receiving end of alienation feel totally powerless. Any mother or father who is caught up in a high conflict divorce must read this book. Parents I've recommended the book to tell me it reads like their biography. I can't stop recommending the book to parents and legal professionals. In terms of state-of-the-art books on divorce and child custody, this one must be read.

February 14, 2002

There are few books that can claim to serve both the general public and professional/academic markets equally well. Dr Richard Warshak's,Divorce Poison is one of those. With many practical suggestions, the most important of which stresses the perils of doing nothing in the dealing with alienated children in the hope that time will make things better, Dr. Warshak, helps "target parents" counter "Divorce Poison" before it becomes lethal and often irreversible.
However, the books easy readability, should not serve to mask its' place as the definitive work on dealing with "Divorce Poison". Dr. Warshak's thoroughness, in addressing the methods of delivering the venom, as well as the appropriate antidotes, will serve all professionals; psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, court appointed counselors, or anyone caught up in the horrible arena of custody battles.
A must read for all parents with children going through a divorce, as well as the professionals who are relied on to help guide them.

J. Dweck Tenafly NJ

Divorce Poison If you only read one book this year, make it this one! "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard Warshak bucks conventional wisdom to say nothing to your children in the face of the other parent's "Bad-Mouthing, Bashing, and Brainwashing" otherwise known as "Divorce Poison" or Parental Alienation Syndrom-PAS. "Most books for divorced parents admonish them not to place children in the middle of their conflicts. But they provide little guidancce on when it is appropriate to crititcize a parent to a child and when it is destructive." He discusses "the systematic process of psychological manipulation and how to help children resist and reverse its influence" in a practical hands-on way. He explains why reasoning and telling children outright that they are being brainwashed don't work.

He goes on to explain that there are varying degrees of alienation. That in most cases "does not sever the tie between parents and children, but it does taint the quality of their relationship. It creates unnecessary tension for the children and more conflict in their relationship with both parents. The tension and conflict may result in children who are more withdrawn and reluctant to discuss their thoughts and feelings, or children who have less respect for their parents' authority." I think he hit the nail right on the head with what MANY of us at SWC.COM are experiencing with that statement.

He doesn't claim to have all the anwers, he considers the book a "work in progess" based on the many years of insights and experiences in his practice. Although full of practical explanations and advice, he does caution the reader that "You have the best chance of success if you follow this advice under the guidance of a competent therapist who understands the problems of alienated children" and goes on to offer lists of resources and how to chose a therapist.

The only negative thing I can say about the book is that I thought in the beginning he listed more examples of cases where the PASing parent was the father instead of the BM. But half-way through the book, I was able to put that aside because the explanations and advice helped me make so much more sense out of my own situation. I thought he did an excellent job of explaining how to help your kid and not feel so helpless and frustrated. And for those extreme cases where salvaging the relationship with one's PAS'd children is just not possible, he talks about how to let go while leaving the door open to a future relationship.

Review by: - secondwivesclub.com

I read Divorce Poison in two nights. It's very easy reading which is credit to Dr. Warshak as this is not an easy topic to address. The book is compassionate, yet honest and truthful. Pros and cons for dealing with parential alienation syndrome are mentioned which is particularly helpful in trying to determine if one's response to the situation is positive or negative, helpful or more hurtful. The last chapter of the book entitled "Letting Go" was very sad and moved me to tears. Read this book for insights, inspiration, and the courage to do what's best for your children. Dr. Warshak cares. His book should be in every divorced person's library.