Stephen Gola is a Bible teacher and preacher who ministers on many different spiritual subjects. His current focus is on helping divorced Christians overcome guilt and experience hope for their future. Stephen has never been divorced.
A harmonious marriage between a man and a woman is one of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences one can have. But what happens when that beautiful experience is not so beautiful any longer and the love that was so deep has turned into bitterness of heart and hate? What happens when proper counseling has not brought forth the desired fruit, and the hope of the relationship being restored seems lost? And what happens when our spouse turns their back on God, the only true reconciliator of marriages? Is there still hope after all hope appears to be gone? YES!
As painful as this may sound when dealing with a marriage, divorcing or "making one into two" is necessary and needed to save and preserve life. To save a person's life from the destruction of cancer, a surgical separation must take place. To keep our community safe from a known rapist, they must be separated from the community and incarcerated. A rabid animal must be separated so others may not die also. And as painful as it is, there are husbands and wives who are greatly corrupting their spouse and a separation must take place to save and restore them, before both are lost forever.
CARING TOO MUCH FOR THE WRONG THING
You can actually fight God by resisting a divorce. Which is greater in God's eyes: the marriage or the people of the marriage? The priorities in the Church concerning marriage have been greatly misplaced. We have judged the "marriage institution" to be greater than the couples who make up the marriage. The institution is NEVER greater than those who make up that institution. A company is only as good as its people. A strong and mighty nation is made up of courageous people who will stand up for what is right under any circumstances. Moreover, a great marriage is great because the couple has a great relationship, and nothing less. AN INSTITUTION IS ONLY AS GREAT AS THE RELATIONSHIPS THAT MAKE UP THAT INSTITUTION. When a couple no longer has a great relationship, the marriage is no longer great. When we care more about our marriage than our marriage partner, we have misplaced the emphasis of our relationship. Being married does not create a great relationship. But having a great relationship creates a great marriage.
When we are faced with the decision of either saving the institution or the people of the institution, the institution must go! And when we are faced with the decision of either saving a marriage or the people of the marriage, the marriage must go! Whether it be the Sabbath day, a company, the ministry, the nation, or a marriage, the people of these institutions are always more important than the institutions themselves. ALWAYS!
Jesus said, "And IF YOU HAD ONLY KNOWN WHAT THIS SAYING MEANS, I desire mercy [readiness to help, to spare, to forgive] RATHER THAN sacrifice and SACRIFICED VICTIMS, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE CONDEMNED THE GUILTLESS" (Matthew 12:7 AMP). God is not looking for a husband, wife or the kids to be sacrificial victims just to "keep the marriage going". He would rather for the marriage to be dissolved and the people of the marriage to go free and not to be condemned.
When the focus is placed on saving the marriage instead of saving the people of the marriage, the process for the marriage to fail starts to accelerate greatly. If the focus is not shifted to saving the couple and making them whole, within a short time, the marriage will completely fall apart. In general, the primary thrust of what is called "marriage counsel" does little for individuals who really need the help. I'm not saying that we don't need marriage counseling, because we do. We just need to change the focus of the counseling from saving the institution of marriage, to saving the couples of marriage. If a person has outbursts of rage, abusive actions or some major vice that's controlling their life, counseling the couple on how to "deal" with each other's problems is like putting a band-aid on a wound with a severed artery. If the life-threatening problem is not directly addressed, the person will die.
In the marriage, the real problems, those old wounds, scars, fears, and pains that manifest themselves as outbursts of rage, abusive actions and controlling vices must be addressed first. If wholeness is not grown in the person, the marriage won't be whole. But when wholeness is developed in the couple first, the marriage will be sound. The best way to save a marriage is to first save the people of the marriage. God is very able and does restore broken relationships; but He will not restore a relationship that should be broken.
I do believe in divorce under certain conditions and situations--I've personally suffered terribly in my marriage--but I have to say I disagree with this guy's theology on many... Read morePublished 1 month ago by Aaron Nelson
Nice if this were true but not convinced of defense for divorce after reading it. Need more clarity on explanations.Published 4 months ago by Online Shopper
I am currently in the process of buying several different books on the subject of divorce, so that I can examine different people's perspectives and try to rightly divide the... Read morePublished 8 months ago by Rick20033
This book is a must read for any woman who is struggling to leave an abusive relationship when most of the time the church does not agree with this. Read morePublished 13 months ago by Elizabeth Rand
it has been two years since my marriage dissolved and the whole time I was going through the divorce I really felt like I was being lead by God to make this move. Read morePublished 14 months ago by Kelly Liptrap
This is the best book written about divorce. A must read if you have a problem with divorce or have been divorced. It will set you free...Published 17 months ago by His Feast Publishing
I feel like I've lived in a legalism of why I could not leave a marriage. The definition of what constitutes as abandonment or affair is broader- makes more sense. Read morePublished 17 months ago by Tammy
a great application for the real world today!
I have purchased many copies and have given them as gifts!
a new perspective-that God cares more about the people IN the marriage than the marriage. Gave me lots of comfort as to remarriage.Published on May 3, 2013 by Winnie