Divorced Dads [Hardcover]

Sanford Braver (Author)

Book Description

Release date: September 28, 1998

Millions of families strive to give their children the best

possible upbringing after being split apart by divorce. Separated mothers and fathers--and in many cases their second spouses--struggle to find the right way to piece together parent-child relationships in its wake. In this revolutionary work, psychologist Sanford L. Braver--who undertook the largest-ever federally funded study on issues confronting divorced fathers--shows how millions of well-intentioned mothers, fathers, judges, lawyers, educators, and other caregivers have been repeatedly and tragically misled by the prevailing data about divorce and parenthood. For years our society has accepted the image of the "deadbeat dad" who shirks childcare payments and other responsibilities. Yet Braver proves that this villainous figure--like many other myths of the divorced parent--simply does not exist in significant numbers. Moreover, Braver overturns one of the most important pieces of data on divorce in the past quarter-century: the belief that divorced women suffer a steep decline in their standard of living. This widely embraced notion was the result of misread data, but was transformed into "fact" by the media and the courts, and accepted by divorced families and their advocates. No other book has revealed the deep flaws in today's research on divorce. One-sided studies of divorced men and women, misused census data, and poor research have skewed many of the assumptions around which parents and courts have shaped divorce settlements, parenting responsibilities, and child-rearing decisions. Every divorced parent--and anyone who loves a divorced parent -- urgently needs this book to understand the new realities behind divorce and parenting.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Men who bridle at the stereotype of the "deadbeat dad" with "zipper" problems who vanishes from his children's lives will find consolation in this provocative look at fatherhood in the age of divorce. In an effort to rehabilitate the image of divorced dads and to present them as overwhelmingly responsible and caring parents, Braver, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University, explains how the negative stereotypes have taken hold. Basing his theories on a study he conducted over eight years with 1000 divorcing couples, he argues that faulty research and the need for a villain in divorce cases has fueled a "jeering chorus" of politicians, journalists and sociologists that has transformed bad fatherhood into "an obvious and defenseless scapegoat for the ills of society." Although the U.S. Census Bureau reports that only half of all women receive the child support awarded by the courts, the author contends that this figure is suspect because it doesn't distinguish between divorced fathers and those who've never been married; the latter group, he argues, is less likely to comply with child support. He also contends that many women give erroneous responses when questioned about the money they've received. Braver supports joint custody as being in the child's best interest, but his conviction that children without active fathers join gangs, commit crimes, become pregnant or fail in school?an idea that Braver traces to Patrick Moynihan's now famous 1968 treatise on broken families?is highly debatable. Braver's argument for encouraging dads to get more involved in their families is refreshingly free of chest-thumping rhetoric, but readers with more fluid, less patriarchal notions of family life will find much here to question. Editor, Irene Prokop; agent, Janet Spencer King.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Kirkus Reviews

funded study showing that some divorced fathers really do care about their children. In 1985, Braver (Psychology/Arizona State Univ.) began following more than 1,000 families in Maricopa County, Ariz. (which includes Phoenix), who had filed for divorce but whose marriages were not yet dissolved. His purpose was to put some meat on the bones of the numbers that pointed to divorced dads as abandoning their children financially and emotionally, and to find out why this was happening, if it was. He and his colleagues discovered the numbers were wrong. The Census Bureau figures that had fueled tough new laws (and expensive bureaucracies) to enforce child support were based on interviews only with custodial parents (usually mothers). Then, too, census researchers combined statistics concerning families of divorce with those of never-married single parents to create what Braver calls the myth of deadbeat dads. The author's research demonstrates that the divorced father's unemployment is the most important factor in nonpayment of child support. Myths under attack: the ``disappearing dad,'' who initiates the divorce and then deserts his children; and the widely cited 73 percent drop in standard of living that divorced mothers and children suffer (an alleged error in arithmetic by Harvard researcher Lenore Weitzman). Braver's calculations indicate that post-divorce mothers and fathers share about the same standard of living, at least in the beginning. Although hes not above citing outmoded figures and attitudes himself, Braver does demonstrate that much of the negative view of divorced fathers is dated. The book concludes with suggestions for reform of custody policies and for programs, including extensive counseling and mediation, to either prevent divorce or help both parents minimize its impact on their children. Male martyrdom may be overstated here, but new material suggests that everyone, including fathers, suffers in divorce. -- Copyright ©1998, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher; First Edition edition (September 28, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 087477862X
• ISBN-13: 978-0874778625
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.9 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,155,342 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

25 of 25 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Affirming... and Depressing. February 15, 1999

By Timothy Barden

Format:Hardcover

Braver and O'Connell's Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths, emerges as the first work on the subject to extend it's reach beyond mere hyperbole in either direction. Having put pen to paper expecting to verify current cultural wisdom about the attitudes and actions men who experience divorce have toward their children, the authors instead develop a credible body of research showing that most of what is thought of as true.... simply isn't. In the same vein as works like "Who Stole Feminism" by Christina Hoff Sommers, it dares to question many of the myths that have served to paint men into an anachronistic corner as we move into the twenty-first century.

While we live in a world that increasingly supports women in "nontraditional roles from the corporate boardroom to construction site, there are no such affirmative action programs for men who want to start daycare centers or be stay at home dads. Such is the paradoxical society that Divorced Dads writes about. My only criticism of the book is it's rather brief treatment at looking at the reasons behind the myths and prejudice described within. Without understanding the reasons behind them, they will be difficult to correct.

I found it affirming in its ability to describe the kind of prejudice I have personally experienced as a divorced dad, and depressing in its description of the despair and isolation such men frequently face when trying to stay involved in their children's lives.

Hopefully, this book will help stimulate disenfranchised fathers, open-minded politicians and policy makers into action intended to reverse the laws and attitudes preventing children from having loving relationships with both their parents.

Our children deserve no less.

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the great works of the 20th Century. September 15, 1999

By A Customer

Format:Hardcover

Sanford Braver and Diane O'Connell drop an h-bomb on the conspiracy cells involved in destroying the United States through attacking families, especially via fathers. He uses the most potent weapon of all -- the facts. Braver's accomplishment is one of the great works of the 20th Century.

37 of 40 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars "I was so flabbergasted, I could think of no response ..." January 9, 2000

By Gerald L. Rowles, Ph.D.

Format:Hardcover

Those are the words of Dr. Sandy Braver, recounting his experience at a moderated conference on child support collections, after the moderator stated:

"You know, I've heard about your (Dr. Braver's) findings. Our panel was discussing this very issue, of differences between mother's and father's answers, over lunch. And what we concluded was if the mother tells you one thing and the father tells you something else, then the father is a g--damned liar."

Dr. Braver's book should be in the hands of every legislator who purports to conduct an equitable review of the Divorce Industry.

Gerald L. Rowles, Ph.D.

23 of 24 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Balanced, Thorough, Responsible Research May 4, 1999

By A Customer

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Sanford Braver (Psychology, Arizona State University) and Diane O'Connell offer us a non-technical presentation and discussion of the most thorough, responsible research to date on divorced fathers. Based on Dr. Braver's eight-year, federally-funded study of divorced fathers, this book lives up to its subtitle by shattering myths that are prevalent not only among the general public but also among legislators, judges, policy-makers, and members of the media.

I came away from a careful reading of this book convinced that approaching the problem of child support collection by increasing enforcement mechanisms and penalties is doomed to failure. These approaches seem attractive only because we have misunderstood the problem.

I believe the book will also be helpful for divorced and divorcing fathers. They will learn that they are not alone in the way they have been treated by the divorce system. *Divorced Dads* is neither a self-help book nor an advocacy book. But it will help divorced fathers understand their situation and it will certainly provide the research to ground advocacy to change our current divorce system.

17 of 17 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A must for everyone interested in America's children October 13, 1998

By [e-mail]

Format:Hardcover

"Divorced Dads", a new Tarcher/Putnam book written by Sanford L. Braver with Dianne O'Connell, should be read by everyone interested in America's children. It will not be, primarily because it presents unmistakable findings that many of the most central myths Americans want to believe are wrong. Eliminating those myths from our lives, which we must do if we hope to reach rational conclusions, would expose and threaten our profound biases, however, and is thus too painful to tolerate. Better to continue the way we were, ignoring and diminishing what has already happened to children who have had one parent taken away from them by a society protecting the other parent regardless of what may be best for the children.

"Divorced Dads" misses the mark only once when it concludes that "no real remedies" are available to a court to prevent a custodial parent from wrongfully preventing children from obtaining access to their other parent. A right without a remedy is no right at all. Before looking the other way at this kind of unlawful conduct by a custodial parent the courts had better think harder about remedies that can be effective. The U.S. Government for the first time is starting to spend a tiny amount of "seed" money to explore the question, and individuals like Professor Richard Gardner have offered a host of suggestions to this problem, some of which are being tested by courageous judges. There is no shortage of possible solutions - only an absence of will to buck the prevailing political tide....

If the "Jim Crow" mentality of the Deep South could be overcome despite the determination to maintain "segregation forever", surely our children should not continue to be kept from maintaining relationships with decent fathers because of vindictive and hateful mothers. "Divorced Dads" can help lead the way to change that is long overdue. Read more ›