4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Absolute MUST read!, July 8, 2001
By A Customer
Hi - This book is an incredibly dead-on helpful resource for anyone comtemplating, going thru or having already been through a divorce. These guys know their stuff. They give excellent advice and counseling and cover things you didn't even realize you actually needed counseling on. I didn't find this book until 5 years after my divorce from a very short term marriage. I didn't think I had any problem or needed counseling, the marriage was a mistake, we corrected that without much ado, signed the papers, paid the fee and it was done. I didn't even have a problem getting an annulment from the Catholic church. Life goes on and I thought I was ok. I'm not sure what made me decide to pick up this book and read it, but I can tell you it helped me deal with the guilt and hurt and fears and feelings of failure, etc. Feelings I really didn't realize I had until they hit on them and it hit me that this information applied to me. And the book gave me good advice and insight for future relationships. 6 years ago I had a HS friend going thru marriage hell. She was dealing with all the emotional stuff I mentioned above, plus outside pressures from friends and family and the community (since they were active in city counsel etc.) - and this looser was a real weasil who'd been divorced before and knew all the tricks to make sure she wouldn't get much, if anything, from him and he would walk away with all sorts of things that her very hard earned money had bought. I remembered this book had gone through preparing a person for all that too, as well as getting good legal counsel etc. and I loaned my book to her. It was a Godsend for her. She not only came out well in the settlement, but was able to keep her sanity and self-confidence and gained some real peace. She walked away from that marriage with very little "baggage" because this book helped her so much. Three short years later she found a wonderful guy, a healthy relationship and finally has the married life and family everyone wishes for. That wasn't just "luck". Just a few months ago, another HS friend was divorced and confided in me he was having a difficult time coping with it all, even though he was ready to find someone new. I recommended this book to him. He recently wrote me that this book helped him with all kinds of things - he was surprised and grateful that I recommended it and that he had the good sense to trust me on that and follow through. He just wished he'd known about it sooner! I bought this book over 15 yrs ago for about $15, and it was good advice then and it's good advice now. It's VERY easy to read, well-written with a good flow to it. It's not laborous reading like a textbook or manual. And at the price it's offered for now - its a HECK of a good deal, and you'll be so glad you did. It might just save you a whole lot of money in divorce expenses/mistakes, and counseling. And it will certainly save you a lot of grief in future relationships because you'll be more of a "well" person going into them instead of a train wreck with baggage and issues. If you're still married and not "yet" going through separation or divorce but seeing that "writing on the wall" PLEASE read this book! [Just don't make things worse by letting your partner know you're reading it. Do it at the office or over at a friend's where your spouse won't be upset you're spending time.] Good luck and good reading.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Divorcing really spells out the process in clear language., August 24, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Divorcing: The Complete Guide for Men and Women (Paperback)
This book puts the divorce process into clear and concise language. You can understand and deal with the emotional, cognitive, legal, custodial, and other issues that you will confront as you move forward. The book also presents a good framework for evaluating your situation and deciding whether or not you are a future divorcee.
This is a "must read" for all people, but especially people who are confronting a separation from their mates.
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0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Going thru a divorce and needed a book to protect my interests, November 10, 2010
I had been told by my wife I was about to get divorced!
I had more resources when I met her, I searched for a year and a half to find the house (on 10 acres) we lived in and sold my house to get the down payment for our house, used my VA loan to buy it.
I WANTED TO PROTECT MYSELF.
Melvin Belli, a high powered attorney who had been through several divorces. Here is a guy that can help me protect my stuff.
Actually the book is co-written by Belli and psychologist Krantzler. I didn't care about how to get along with my soon to be ex-wife - just save my stuff by playing hardball.
SURPRISE - BELLI DID GET ME ON THE RIGHT COURSE.
Yep but not the way I thought. His advice to calm down and be fair was what I needed (not wanted) to hear. Pointing out that at one time I did love her AND she is the mother of my children. This coming from the high powered attorney that I thought was going to go for the throat, slowed me down a bit.
Then pointing out to me that this could go either way for my kids - they could see my hurt, hate, spitefulness and aggressive attempt to control the situation - or they could see that there are unexpected changes that come into everybody's life and how to cope with that change with grace and calm as best as possible.
Initially I did it for the kids, it worked out that besides them, I too benefited from the calm.
There are other advantages to a calmer approach down the road. Co parenting of the kids was possible only because we could work through the divorce with too much vituperative dialog. A huge benefit was that we were able to work through the property settlement using a mediator rather than having 2 attorneys fight it out.
And lastly we were actually able to remain friendly to each other (after a little time). We are and always will be our children's parents. Without the need to force them to choose sides between their parents makes all our lives better. Without the fear that we would "make a scene" if we were to find ourselves in the same room, without the stress of tensions within a family are worth the price of the book and the price you will have to pay to calm down and go with the flow.
If you are buying this book to go to war with your soon to be ex - you will probably be disappointed - but please don't let that dissuade you - you might just find a better course for your future.
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