Do I Have to Give up Me to Be Loved by My Kids [Paperback]

Jordon Paul (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 1, 1995

A powerful tool for all parents needing to learn about themselves as well as their relationships with their children. This book offers a very honest opportunity for parents to evaluate what they want for their children and families, as well as how to deal with the conflicts and day- to-day problems of being an effective parent.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A powerful and important book.Im excited by the new ideas that will help create an even better relationship with my adult children." SUSAN FORWARD, Ph.D., author of "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them"

"A brilliant, deeply honest, in-depth buideintegrates and best of modern psychology with age-old wisdom. Readand usethis wonderful book, please." HAROLD H. BLOOMFIELD, M.D., author of "Making Peace With Your Parents"

"The splendidness of this book is its straightforward and creative way of spelling out how the useful management of conflict leads to love." VIRGINIA SATIR, Ph.D., author of "Peoplemaking" and "Conjoint Family Therapy"

"(You) see deeply into the minds of both parents and children, build bridges between them, an put creativity into the business of family living." NORMAN COUSINS, author of "Anatomy of an Illness" and "The Healing Heart" -- Endorsements

Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Berkley (November 1, 1995)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0425150593
• ISBN-13: 978-0425150597
• Product Dimensions: 6.8 x 4.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,015,055 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If you really love your children, read this book, January 6, 2005

By 

Susan M. Frye "suzywoo" (North Park, San Diego, CA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: If you really loved me-- (Paperback)

This book uses the same framework as their couples relationship book, "Do I Have to Give Up Being Me to Be Loved By You?" but applies it to the relationship between parents and children. It is an awesome tool for parents struggling with problems in communicating with their children. Basically, the idea is that instead of thinking "If you really loved me, you (the child) would behave in such and such a way", we should change our focus. Instead, when we act from an intention to understand, an intention that will tend to bring people closer together, the question to ask oneself is actually "If I (the parent) really loved you (the child) I would....." This perspective allows the parent to focus on what s/he can understand or do or change, and from personal experience it works. Jordan and Margaret Paul have described a blueprint that we can use to improve our understanding of our children. It is a system that works to convey to our children that we do, in fact, love them. It is a gift to parents.

3.0 out of 5 stars Do I have to read this book to be loved by my kids?, June 26, 2009

By 

J. E. Brown (Chesapeake, VA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Do I Have to Give up Me to Be Loved by My Kids (Paperback)

Overall, this a pretty good parenting book. It is straight forward and offers good tips. The case examples were interesting and provided real life examples of applications. However, the book is too long. The authors draw it out making the same points over and over again.

5.0 out of 5 stars incredibly simple, incredibly helpful, July 18, 2008

By 

psychoanalyst "liz" (nyc) - See all my reviews

This review is from: If you really loved me-- (Paperback)

I read this book when my child was about 5, almost two decades ago. As I recall, the premise is we can respond to conflict from a place of either love, or fear. If it's love, "If (we) Really" love our children, the path is clear, and we try to use conflict to move into increased understanding. I've been in the mental health field for a decade now and I believe a lot of my work, after years of the most sophisticated training, tries to come down to what is expressed in this great little book.