Customer Reviews

Do Me Twice: My Life After Islam

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As a child, Sonsyrea Tate, affectionately known as "Ray-Ray," has no idea of the trials and tribulations awaiting her in adulthood - but she sure gets plenty of indicators: her father's devolution into a drug-dealing transient, her mother's overbearing animosity, her extended family members' overall dysfunction...the growing cloud of unhappiness in her life often leads her to imagine sunnier times and places not too far away (or so she hopes).

On top of everything else, her beloved Uncle Hussein, a cherished role model and mentor, is slowly degenerating into a veritable shell of his former self. His body ravaged by the grueling onset of Multiple Sclerosis; the protection of his gentle, loving spirit long gone from Ray-Ray's life. Watching him suffer, she finds herself racked with questions and doubts about the benevolent, fair nature of God, and - seeing the righteous so afflicted - she begins to wonder what the point is of serving Him at all.

As her life proceeds, she endures abortion, infidelity, a tumultuous marriage (even multiple instances of marital rape), and eventually the incarceration of her husband, Ron. With Ron gone, little Ray-Ray finally has the freedom of time and space to evaluate her life on her own terms and begin her transformation into the full-grown Sonsyrea. Enrolling in college, Sonsyrea then sets out on a new path, one that challenges her previous long-held beliefs and alters her vision of how her own future should take shape. The journey proves to be difficult, but one she remains determined to make for none other than the preservation of her own sanity and peace of mind.

Do Me Twice is an excellent treatise on the power of self-discovery. Much like Siddartha, Dust Tracks On A Road, and Jonathan Livingston Seagull before it, Tate's story of emotional & intellectual awakening does a commendable job of confronting the misguided teachings that typically shape our youth with the learned truth and experience of our later years. Regardless of our personal religious or philosophical leanings, it cannot be argued that we are raised to follow particular doctrines designed to guide/control our behavior and bias our thinking processes. In her narrative, Tate tells of her admirable journey in combating those very doctrines time and again as they are espoused by family, friends, and even strangers committed to challenging her newfound independence. Refusing to return to the "sleepwalking state" of her past, she bravely defends her right to think for herself - and her life becomes that much more rewarding for it.

Tate's emigration from the often confusing rigors of Islam may be a sensitive topic in the global political climate of our times, but the symbolism of her spiritual quest is an invaluable lesson for the ages. With a critical, yet open mind, by her personal example she successfully encourages the reader to be not afraid in coming to individual conclusions regarding all matters great and small. Highly recommended.

Sonsyrea Tate was raised in a ten children, devout Muslim family. Sonsyrea's mother thought that it was a woman's duty to take care of her family and that having ten children was a blessing from Allah. As Sonsyrea aged, she began to question the wisdom of having children that you can barely afford to take care of. In their household, it was the oldest daughter's duty to help with the other children and as Sonsyrea grew older this caused problems between she and her mother. As the family struggled to survive, she thought that it was unwise for her mother to not step up to the plate and get a job to help with the expenses of living; this caused their personalities to clash. Sonsyrea was determined to go to college and have a career and not have a house full of children, as did her mother. Not only was Sonsyrea dealing with the problems between her mother and herself, but Sonsyrea's favorite uncle was dying and to make matters worse her father was arrested for dealing drugs, causing the family even more financial problems. Just as most religions teach that fornication is wrong so does Islam. Dealing with her sexuality became a major problem . In order to have guilt-free sex, Sonsyrea married at a young age. She un-wisely married a man in constant trouble with the law.

I admire Sonsyrea because she did not let past mistakes ruin her life and went on to get the career that she wanted. The problem that I had with this offering was that it seemed to be written out of sequence. And she could have put in a little more excitement; this did not stop me from receiving the point of view that she was making. This book was an uncorrected proof so if she gets the chapters in better order it will be an enjoyable read.





Reviewed by Margaret Ball



APOOO BookClub

While this was a reader-friendly story, it was very uneven and jumped around too much. I couldn't get a clear sense of the timeline. There didn't appear to be any real discussion about her issues with Islam until Chapter 10. Not something I'd read again, nor worth a purchase. I will, however, be on the lookout for her first book. Maybe after reading it, this one will become clearer. 2.5 stars

In the modern world, society is often casting men in dominant roles over women. Growing up a woman in the Muslim religion, Sonsyrea Tate learned quickly that she was expected to conform to the same subservient role. Why do we create "command and obey" roles in a sexist fashion? Shouldn't a man and a woman treat each other as equals in a relationship? Tate worked a job on top of a full college course load, and took care of all the domestic chores such as shopping, cooking, and cleaning while her man did nothing. Yet she was still expected to be subservient to his wishes. There is not much sense in an equation such as that and as she became aware of that, Tate would question her religion and her rights as a woman.
Sonsyrea Tate is a woman who grew up practicing the Muslim religion, but who had Catholic grandparents. She sees both religions as outdated sets of rules that give men power over women, heavily favor procreation, and force marriage at a young age in order to prevent pregnancy out of wedlock. As she begins dating the boy next door, Ron, she is forced to sneak around and conceal her newly blossoming sex life under a cloak of lies and guilt. After she becomes pregnant at the age of 16, she immediately opts for an abortion without telling anyone but her best friend. She eventually gets married to Ron simply to relieve her conscience of the guilt that religion was piling on top of her.
As their marriage progresses, their situation simply becomes worse. She takes care of all the responsibilities that a husband and wife should take care of equally, while Ron remains unemployed and often does not return home for whole nights and sometimes even multiple days. Yet, upon his return she is expected to fulfill his every want and need. She knows that this is wrong in her heart and she undergoes a journey of self-discovery that will change everything she thinks she knows.
The purpose of Tate's book is to shed light upon some of the major flaws with religion and expose the sexist sense of values that religion sometimes creates. She is writing this book to connect with women. She wants to show as many women as she can that religion can be extremely important to women, yet they should be proud of their womanhood. She wants women to understand that they are not objects created for man's pleasure, but equals as she takes a stand against today's stereotypes.
One of the main focus points that Tate constantly returns to is the role of both her father and her uncle in her life. She tells her audience that they were both her soldiers and they were both ripped from her reality. At a young age, her uncle withered and passed away from multiple sclerosis and her father was arrested and sentenced to prison. She admits that in her young state of mind, she unconsciously needed a male figure in her life to protect her and so she began seeing Ron.
Many times, Tate seems as if she is very close to contradicting herself at certain points. She says that she does not believe in the rules of religion because she sees them as corrupted by men, yet she got married to ease the burden of the guilt caused by the rules of religion. She also says that she believes that a woman's purpose is not to take care of and grant every want of her husband, yet she did exactly that for many years during her marriage. Even though her arguments are sound, she often makes them before she is actually living by her own advice. However, she is not contradicting herself because she often makes her arguments as she is discovering them for herself.
This book is not only about Tate's self-discovery, but also about the raw concept of surviving. Growing up as the oldest child in government housing in the ghetto, Tate was often expected to help take care of and at times provide for her mother's nine other children. She often says that the thing that attracted her most to Ron was his ability to adapt to the harsh qualities of the ghetto and his ability to survive. She says:
Ma - and some of the other mothers in the neighborhood, in fact - believed Ron and I were a mismatch. That we were the classic good-girl-bad-boy disaster. I saw past his badness, past the fact that he had been in and out of juvenile jails since he was twelve when he got caught stealing steaks from the grocery store to feed his sisters. He was a survivor. That was what I needed, all that mattered (37).
She wants the reader to understand her intense struggles through life to act as an example or inspiration and show not only young women, but also all young people that you can overcome and persevere.
However, Tate constantly skips around her life throughout the book without sticking to any real timeline. The reader does not get a sense of when her story starts and when it ends. She will often bring up a topic only to be immediately sidetracked by her opinions, emotional responses, or views of other people in her life and sometimes forgets to return to the topic she introduced all together. Due to this style of quick subject changing, it is easy to get lost or confused. The chapters are not a big help either as they do not provide any real idea of where the reader is in the story.
Overall, Tate is trying to relay to her audience that you can respect religion without believing everything you are told, that you can overcome despite everything you are told, and that life is a pathway of discovery; you just have to walk it with hope.

Again, I will make this review short and sweet. I decided to read this book because I have a great interest in true or fictional stories about Islam. Sonsyrea's tale is about her life as a Muslim and then her movement away from Islam. But is it? It is more complex and deeper than that. This is not your average story of a young girl in the middle east but a story of an African American girl born and raised in America who was raised by the teaching of the Nation of Islam. Who journeyed to follow the Sunnah sect, and also the Christian faith. But this is even more complex, because Sonsyrea story is not just about religion, but about life inside the eyes of a black American woman living in poverty and learning how to survive. Her struggle and discord is unsettling. But with hard work, self-motivation she makes it possible to get out of the ghetto. Something that may inspire some young ladies. Therefore a must read for the young.

However, I had a hard time with the writing itself. Her timeline is off there is no beginning or end. Although she has chapters- the chapters doesn't help us. She could be walking to the store to buy something and suddenly we are back in time when she was stealing at 13 years old. Or she is thinking about her sexual relationship with her husband and suddenly we are reading about her parents views about sex. Because of these major shifts- I often had to stop, go back, and reread a sentence or paragraph to make sure I understood where she was going. This was very confusing and at times I didn't want to finish the book. But I wanted to know the end.

Sonsyrea wants to share with us not only her story but her thoughts, feelings, and every detail of her life. Reading long lists of her house shopping was out of place. It wasn't needed in understanding the major points, she was trying to make in her narrative. Often she spoke of the same thing over and over again. Making the same statements. I don't know why, but it was a bit annoying.

Her story is very raw and very real. And some places compelling. Sonsyrea comes off as intelligent but also as naive. And this is the scary part of the book. Because you know she knows better. You hope she makes the right decisions but she doesn't- but you hope one day she does.

I gave the book 3 stars because overall it is a good story, but editing is needed. Shifts were too extreme and sometimes it didn't flow as nicely, as I would have like to have read.

So is this a story about Islam? Not really- it is simply a story of a young woman's look on her life.

I truly enjoyed reading Sonsyrea's memoir. What I loved most about this book is how she tells her story with candor and honesty. The transformation she makes from a young girl raised in Islam, questioning her very existence and everything she's been taught, to a young woman finding her own way in life is incredible. I would definitely recommend this book.

DO ME TWICE: My Life After Islam is not a generic book about the highs and lows of being a member of the Nation of Islam. From her days in Muslim School to her guilt-trip marriage and her exit from Islam, Sonsyrea Tate reveals a poignant personal history unlike any "coming of age" or "coming to religion" story ever told.

Tate unveils the dark secrets that controlled her childhood, yet strangely liberate her as an adult. As she becomes comfortable with her own sensuality, she realizes just how much her sexual identity has defined many of the dramatic periods of her life and the life decisions she's made. Against the backdrop of colorful, dysfunctional family and the author's lyrical style peppered with raw realism, DO ME TWICE is a hands down keeper.

Reviewed by Cxandra
for The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers