For centuries millions of young men and women have entered into relationships without the slightest idea as to how to keep their relationship full of life and vibrant. Many will attempt to grasp the ever elusive idea of peace and harmony through the use of sex, their good looks, and or money, but it will be to no avail. After a mentally and physically draining relationship many will ask themselves, what went wrong? I had the sex, the good looks, and or money? Why didn t my relationship work? I spent much of my mind s energy thinking about what one could say to young men and women to renew and perpetuate the ideas of love through communication, trust and respect for their partner as well as for all family members, and how domestic abuse isn t the answer to domestic harmony. Society is aware of how young men and women are being physically and emotionally abused by out of control husband, wives, fathers, mothers, boyfriends and girlfriends. Society is also aware of how family members are being murdered by the hundred each year and how the horror of domestic violence is growing faster than the courts can keep pace. Today s abusers and batterers are no longer seen as husbands, fathers, or boyfriends who love their family, but are seen as a danger to the mental and physical health of all family members. For several years I worked one-on-one with many wonderful men and women who wanted nothing more than to be happy with the person they had chosen to be their partner. I read hundreds of books, attended workshops, and conferences on domestic violence hoping that I would find the answer to stopping domestic violence. I did my best to teach perpetrators of domestic violence non-violent method to problem solving and assist perpetrators of domestic violence with finding better ways to communicate their feelings through effective communications and to understand the feelings of their partner and children. We discussed every feasible problem that could take place in a relationship. And I must say that I was always able to find an answer or solution to every problem with the bottom line being emotional and physical abuse should never be one s answer to solving domestic disagreements. Month after month and year after year I have taught men, women and teenagers who lived the life in street gangs as well as those who work their hearts out to make ends meet. After each person had learned new ways to communicate, trust and improved their self-esteem. I saw them learn to over-come their old desires to control their partner and develop the skills necessary to over-come tremendous social and personal odds that were stacked against them. I saw, men, women and teenagers working their way toward humility to find their gift or genius in life, a path to peacefulness, mastery in self-control, making the right choices, and understanding the consequence of their choices. Of course some perpetrators of domestic violence would relapse and fail, but the number that fail were few. No where else in life is love so necessary than with family. Yet too often people who want nothing more than to love are predestined to hurt the very people they claim to love. We designed this workbook for teenagers and adults who are having a difficult time understanding the importance of living in a non-violent relationship. This workbook will provide teenagers and adults with positive methods of dealing with emotional, physical, economic abuse. As the reader carefully read each chapter and complete each exercise and self-assessment exercise, they should find this workbook useful to all family members regardless of race, educational level, or economic status. The subject material and the choice of words of this workbook is its focal point. The object of this workbook is to talk too the reader and not at the reader.
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